The Thursday night football solution

Holy cow. Did you see the uniforms the Seattle Seahawks trotted out with to face the LA Rams? Some kind of neonish chartreuse. Do those things glow in the dark? Rave green, you say? More like heave green or, put another way, they look like the color one might expect to find in the bottom of an infant's diaper if one has fed the little tot radioactive cream of mango baby food. Yuck.

But on to Thursday night football.

Fans love the gladiator aspect of NFL contests. Big, fast, macho men running at full speed and crashing into each other. But the side they rarely see is the damage that is inflicted. Sure, we hear about broken bones, torn ligaments, and concussions. Yet there is way more that happens in painful ways fans don't consider.

It could likely fairly be said that every player on every team, with the exception of a kicker here and there gets damaged on game day. Brutish linemen slam into each other on every play. Linebackers and secondary personnel fly around making hits. Running backs, receivers, and quarterbacks absorb hit after hit. This takes its toll. No one escapes unscathed, it's just a matter of degree. As the season wears on, virtually everybody is playing hurt in one way or another.


Enter Thursday night football. After a typical Sunday game, Mondays are for players to take inventory of their body parts. Massages, ice baths, MRIs and the like are common. This is a recovery day. But even the most highly conditioned players don't heal up in a day or two from the bumps and bruises incurred during a game.

True, they make a lot of money and nobody forces them to do it. In fact, the competition itself is brutal just to MAKE it into the NFL, let alone stay there for long. So this is not about sympathy, but rather common sense. Even if we discount the preseason games as "light-hitting" affairs, at least sixteen all out wars remain on the regular season schedule. More, if playoffs are involved. That's a whole lot of punishment to absorb. The typical seven days between games is short enough to recover, only to go out and do it again. But asking them to speed it up and do it in a mere four days, which gives teams scant time to scout and prepare for their next opponent as well, has always been unreasonable.

Now, finally, the NFL is considering a new policy, and it's about time, because the solution has always been right in front of their faces. The league, like some political views and religions, has always been reluctant to change. Why tinker with a good thing -- super popular cash cow -- they likely doth protest?

Not too many years ago, they mercifully incorporated "bye" weeks into the schedule. Somewhere between weeks 4 and 13 all teams would get a week off. Of course they had to stagger this, typically 4 teams per week, so an almost full slate of games could go on elsewhere. Make no mistake. Players love weeks off to rest and recover.

So now the idea is to precede a Thursday night game with a bye week for the teams involved. It's the best of both worlds. Let's say a team played on a Sunday, or even Monday night. Giving them the following week as a bye before a Thursday night game means they would have 10 or 11 days off. Better than seven, and light years preferable to 4.

After the completion of the Thursday night game, they'd get another 10 days off until their next contest on a typical Sunday. That's back to back extra days of R and R for the wounded combatants, and the regular season schedule itself doesn't miss a beat. It's still 16 games spread out over 17 weeks.

Currently, the bye week consists of a full two weeks off. While good for the players, many of these days involved doing little if anything to prepare for the next game. Basically, a waste of time. Many coaches would likely say that it's too MUCH time off. Teams can fall out of their rhythm and who knows what kind of trouble some players might get in given so much idle time to go out and do whatever floats their boat?

It's the optimum solution to alleviate the literal pain of Thursday night games.

So that likely means the NFL, given their stodgy ways, will think about it for a year or two. Maybe they'll adapt it, and maybe not.

But in the meantime, the players that have to play on Thursday nights will continue to be the walking wounded sent back out into full fledged battle.

Yours truly would be the first to admit he's no genius, and can be feeble minded, even hare-brained at times.

But I fail to see any downside to this proposal.

It needs to be implemented ASAP, next season, for everybody's sake. It's been there all along, but nobody saw it.

Detroit Lions. Show time

The Detroit Lions continue to confound the pundits. Few, if any, foresaw them being 9-4 at this point in the season. True, they've had an ultra-soft schedule, and they've certainly caught more than their fair share of breaks along the way. Yet credit where credit is due. Time after time the Lions have rallied from behind in the fourth quarter of games to pull out a win.

Idle thought. Why is it that when one team gets multiple penalties called on it on a given play, only one of them is enforced? For example, say roughing the opposing quarterback and defensive pass interference happen on the same play. The offense gets to choose one, but can't have both. Why not? Take the ball at the spot of the interference call and move it ahead another 15 yards for the roughing. Hey, if you get pulled over for speeding and also happen to be under the influence, don't they charge you with both?

But now it's show time for the Lions. Their remaining three games will separate the proverbial men from the boys. All of their opponents are worthy contenders fighting for playoff spots and positions as well.

First up -- @ the NY Giants. Eli, Odell and Co. are a tough bunch to figure. They can play great one game, and not so hot the next. The Giants are without the services of fearsome D-lineman Jason Pierre Paul, but it's difficult to underestimate them -- particularly at home. After all, they're coming off a win over the high flying Dallas Cowboys. No easy task accomplished. Will they experience a letdown when Detroit visits? Maybe, maybe not. The Lions will have their hands full in New Jersey.

Then they travel to Dallas. As we all know, the Cowboys had rattled off 11 wins in a row after a one point loss to the Giants on opening day, before they fell again to them yesterday. Chances are they'll be fairly motivated to get back on the winning track to lock up a first round playoff bye so they can rest some of their key players. Taking on the Cowboys in Big D will be a formidable task for the Lions. Certainly they'll be underdogs, but the Lions are a strange bunch as well. Always have been. Just when one thinks they should win -- or lose -- any particular game, they'll up and do the opposite. They must drive the oddsmakers crazy.

In the regular season finale, Green Bay comes to Detroit. For much of the season, the Cheeser faithful were not happy campers. The Packers started off slowly, losing to teams they would normally roll over. Yes, they lost the services of sack monster Clay Matthews, their three top cornerbacks, and normally reliable QB Aaron Rodgers was struggling as well. To boot, star receiver Jordy Nelson had gotten banged up. Despite all that, there were even rumblings that long time head coach Mike McCarthy could be on the hot seat if they didn't somehow right their ship fairly quick. Green Bay is a great football town inhabited by the finest of people, but they won't tolerate a loser for very long.  But they appear to have righted their ship indeed.  The Pack have been playing very well of late. The beatdown they gave a very good Seattle Seahawks team is testament to that. Though the Lions and their fans will no doubt be geeked for this contest (depending on what happens in the above two games, and elsewhere around the league -- the Lions could be playing for a home playoff date, going on the road, or -- horrors -- missing out entirely), the Packers have to keep the petal to the metal to even get into the playoffs as a likely wild card. The Detroit game could well be a win it and go on, or lose it and go home affair for them. Factoring in playoff experience, which the Packers have a lot of, but the current Lions very little, betting against them in such a game is a mighty risky proposition. But again, the Lions always seem to do the unexpected. Their entire season to date is Exhibit A.

So how it will all turn out is anybody's guess. That's why they play the games -- right? But one thing for sure. The Lions have given their fans way more of a ride than most of them expected this year.

Could the magic keep going? And for how long?  Or will it all come crashing down on the Honolulu blue and silver between now and New Year's day?

This is crunch time for the Lions in more ways than one. Gone are the patsies they played earlier in the season. The Giants, Cowboys, and Packers are the real deal and they know how to act down the stretch. With two of the three games on the road, it's a rough task for Detroit.

Parting idle thought. Wouldn't it be something if the Lions wound up in a highly improbable march all the way to the Super Bowl? Unlikely, but theoretically possible. Who would be the most frustrated person of all? Likely Calvin Megatron Johnson, recently retired. After all those years he gave blood, sweat and tears in losing causes, while racking up border line Hall of Fame receiving stats, he'd have to shake his head and wonder why he didn't hang around for just one more year.

Nevertheless, on with the show. This is getting good.

The Jeff Fisher insanity

Something is horribly wrong with this picture. In their infinite wisdom, the LA Rams have recently given head coach Jeff Fisher a two year contract extension. On top of the year he had remaining on the current one, they'll be saddled with him for a minimum of three more years. Or at least his mega-million dollar salary.

Let's look closer at what Fisher has accomplished as their coach. He's posted a 31-44 record. Earlier today the Rams were slaughtered by the Atlanta Falcons to the tune of 42-14. A four touchdown beatdown.

In the season opener his squad was torched 28-0 by the San Francisco 49ers -- the worst team not named Cleveland in the entire league, though it's close.

At 4-9 this year, the Rams have already been mathematically eliminated from any playoff possibilities. And no help appears to be in sight any year soon.

And now a word from our sponsors.

Gee, what a deal. Buy this auto for the low low price of only 25 grand and be the toast of your neighborhood. Of course that number doesn't include title, taxes, those pesky excise fees, options, and other goodies. So what do you get, or more importantly, not get?  A frame, a body, and a motor would seem like basics. Here's hoping they throw in seats, a steering wheel, head/tail lights, and brakes. Or are those considered options?

Over his 22 year career in the NFL, Fisher's teams have made it to the playoffs a grand total of just six times. And don't look now, but he's rapidly closing in on the all-time career loss record as a head coach. Just a handful shy. He'll most certainly blow by that dubious mark sometime next year.

With a track record like that and his current team plunging headlong into the dumpster, one would think the LAST thing a franchise owner would do is give him a guaranteed job extension. It's insanity. In any other job, except maybe congressperson -- ahem -- such ineptitude would have resulted in the employee being broomed long ago. What, in the name of St. Doofus, is going on here?

Yet here's wishing the best to the pro football fans in the LA area. They finally got a team back in town to root for. Unfortunately, they haven't been any good in several years, appear to be getting much worse, and are skippered by the soon to be losingest coach in NFL history. Plus, the ownership thinks so highly of Fisher as to shower him with even more millions and future job security.

Madness, we know, but the folks in LA-LA land have likely long become accustomed to no-talent wackos in their midst. They not only accept, but embrace them as some sort of royalty, worshiping their every word and action. We could offer the K girls and their clan as Exhibit A.

Now they have Jeff Fisher and the woeful LA Rams thrust upon them. It seems positively brutal, though they ought to dovetail nicely with those referred to in the previous paragraph. And sorry, too late to send them back to St. Louis.

And hey, what's a little more insanity in a place that continues to set the standard for it?

But a contract extension for Fisher? How low can they go?

That's just nuts.

Vonn Miller and Mad Dog

By all accounts, well, at least this one, that was a pretty cool thing to do. It seems Denver Bronco defensive lineman supreme Vonn Miller sent a bottle of wine to every player in the AFC West. Bubbly all around and Merry pre-Christmas boys.

Now yours truly would be the first to admit he knows absolutely nothing about wine. Never touch the stuff. In fact, the very smell of it makes my stomach a bit queasy. Methinks that all goes back to something incredibly stupid I and a few of my equally dumb buddies did many moons ago. It was New Year's eve. For whatever reason we decided to go out drinking. Memory fails me, but we must have found an adult to buy us booze, because we were all underage (19 or 20). Other than the communion variety, I had never tasted wine before in my life. But somehow I wound up with a big bottle of Mad Dog. Then we jumped into my mom's car (she knew nothing of our intent) and proceeded to drive around town swigging away. All this was quite illegal, of course, though we did have a designated driver who wouldn't be drinking.

To this day, decades later, I don't know where we went, though I vaguely remember being inside a pizza joint and throwing up on the floor. Let's just say I was trashed. Evidently, so were all my friends. When I woke up in the car the next morning, in the driveway of my parents house, damn near frozen to death, signs of sickness were everywhere. All over the front of my clothes, and my friends had done me the not so great courtesy of upchucking in the vehicle as well. What a god-awful smelly mess and there was no hiding it. Needless to say, mom and dad were so proud of me. That little stunt cost me a lot of grief and atonement, and rightfully so. At any rate, Mad Dog and any other sort of wine has definitely turned me off ever since. Even seeing other adults partake these days brings the memory back. Lesson learned the hard way and no thanks -- ever again. Though, vicious hangover notwithstanding, I was made to scrub that car all the next day, that poor little Chevy Nova was never the same either.

But back to Miller and his vino largess. The entire AFC West takes in the Oakland Raiders, KC Chiefs, San Diego Chargers, and his own Broncos. If we assume this was a "players only" type of gesture, that's still a whole lot of guys. Including practice squads, there's 53 per team. Do the math and that comes out to well over 200 players. We can probably also safety assume Miller was getting them something a little higher grade than Mad Dog.

Again, I know nothing of such things, but I'd take a wild guess and say one can get a pretty decent bottle of wine for maybe 100 bucks. Multiplied out, that comes to a tab of roughly 20 grand. Plus postage, of course.

Idle thought. How does one go about mailing 200+ bottles of wine? At that, did he send a bulk package to each team's headquarters or individuals to their home addresses? Either way, that shipping and handling thing had to be a killer.

Granted, most of us lowlifes, aka sports fans, couldn't afford to mail out 200 bottles of cheap beer -- if we even knew that many people -- let alone fine wine. OMG, that's over 8 cases. Even if you could catch it on sale at your local grocery or party store, who's got those kind of bucks to throw around?

But such a tab likely poses little problem for Vonn Miller. After all, he's making $19 million this year. Even after taxes, it stands to reason he'll take home at least 12 or 13 of that. A mere 20 grand is chump change in his world, like you or I dropping a couple bucks in a Salvation Army pot somewhere in ours.

Still, it's the thought that counts -- right? And sending a bottle of vino to every player on the opposing teams in his division shows class.

Here's hoping the story ends there and everybody lives, and partakes, happily ever after.

But if we hear in the future about a couple hundred NFL players stumbling stupidly about town, vomiting in pizzerias and inside their own rides, then we'll know the otherwise good Mr. Miller has done the unthinkable.

No, tell me he wouldn't. Over 200 bottles of Mad Dog could possibly be in the mail as we speak, seeking out to destroy their targets as once befell yours truly?

Perish the thought.

And God help them when their moms find out.

Woe is Washington

Most would likely agree that Washington DC is chock full of rather slimy individuals. They consist of pathological liars, frauds, cheats, and those that enact laws that are binding on citizens -- but not themselves, all the while richly lining their pockets at the expense of taxpayers. We sometimes refer to them as politicians.

And the sports scene in the nation's capital leaves a lot to be desired as well. Consider the teams.

In Major League Baseball, they offer up the Nationals. Once upon a time, they couldn't even spell their own name right on their jerseys, which said "Natinals". How embarrassing. The Nats would tell us they have an array of stars but, in the end, they never seem to win anything. Steven Strasburg was the best thing since wireless remotes, but his pitching arm is evidently as fragile as an egg. Bryce Harper is touted as a sort of super-star. He batted .243 last year. When's the last time a Washington team even made it to the World Series, let alone winning it? Come playoff time, they have a recent history of making a quick exit.

Speaking of which, consider the Capitals of the NHL. They too have been regular season wonders, racking up the points, but choke like chihuahuas on chicken bones in the playoffs.

The football team hasn't been any good in decades. Nor are they this year. They've received more attention for their name, Redskins, than they do for what they've accomplished on the field. This is perceived by many to be a slight on Native Americans and they have clamored for them to change it. However, the owner, one Daniel Snyder, has remained steadfast in his refusal to do so. The bottom line is -- it's his team, having paid handsomely for it -- and he can call them whatever he damn well wants to. There's two ways of looking at it. The Washington franchise was among the charter members of the NFL way back in the Great Depression era and they've always been the Redskins. So what's the big deal about changing their name now? Conversely, nobody, absolutely nobody ever got screwed worse in America than the Indians. Can we call them that? If not, folks in Cleveland better get busy changing the name of their baseball team. At least the slaves were finally set free. Native Americans were banished to reservations, where they still reside. This author suspects said Native Americans have way bigger life issues to be concerned with than the name of a football team. For now, at least the politically correct noise has mercifully died down. But it will be back when those prone to protest such things tire of other causes to scream about. Alas.

Their NBA representative, the Wizards, went through a somewhat similar controversy not long ago. Heaven forbid a team should be called the Bullets. Better to name them after sorcerers that can supposedly cast evil spells than anything remotely connected to a firearm. There's too much violence in America already, it is said. Naming a team after a projectile will only encourage more of it. It's OK to invade foreign countries on false pretenses, killing countless thousands, but a name like Bullets is taboo? That's some kind of twisted logic, but we've already mentioned politicians above. The collective Wiz supposedly have a super-star themselves -- one John Wall. At a home game, he just went off for fifty -- count em -- FIFTY points against the Orlando Magic. His team lost by 8. How bad are the rest of these guys if a non-contender like the Magic can outscore his teammates by a combined 58 points -- at home?

It is curious also that Americans have built monuments in Washington DC to honor a few past Presidents. These were supposedly great men, but were they really?

Abraham Lincoln has one such monument. Some consider him the greatest Prez of them all. His Emancipation Proclamation is deemed an historic document indeed. But closer inspection perhaps shows otherwise. The EP freed all the slaves in the South. People tend to forget many northern states had slaves as well, which were not expressly covered in the document. They remained bound for some time. So basically, Lincoln mandated a change to a bloc of states (Confederacy) that had seceded and were no longer even part of the United States (Union). Ordering others what to do while not abiding by the same rules oneself is the height of hypocrisy. Further, some historians have suggested Lincoln was of a bisexual nature. They claim to have evidence that while Mary Todd was away or otherwise occupied, Lincoln would rendezvous with male suitors. Perhaps Abe wasn't so honest after all. In modern times, attitudes regarding such matters have drastically changed from what they were in the mid 1800s. Society is light years more tolerant and accepting of various sexual preferences. Yet if true, can you imagine the fate that would have befallen Lincoln, let alone his legacy, if even a whiff of such behavior came to light back in those days?

George Washington, the "founder" of our country, is honored by a sort of giant phallus. Yikes.

Thomas Jefferson, a Virginia rancher, is widely credited with writing the Declaration of Independence. He has a monument as well. Yet Jefferson was a slave owner himself. While he advocated that some "truths are self-evident", namely all men are created equal, it appears TJ considered some more equal than others. Worse, it has since come to light Jefferson not only had a little hanky-panky going on with at least one slave woman, Sally Hemings, but fathered several children with her. Were there others? Unknown, but we're talking slaves here. Given access to such a "harem", it's certainly not beyond the realm of possibility that Jefferson more fully used it. Most men of power would. About two centuries later, a likeness of Thomas Jefferson would be used on the American two dollar bill. When's the last time you saw one of those? Probably about the last time Washington DC had a sports team that did anything notable.

It's sadly comical that while DC has some of the most restrictive gun laws in the country, it is not only rife with crime, but the National Rifle Association maintains a huge presence there having their way with the above politicians that make the laws of the land. See lobbyists, ergo money quietly changing hands.

Add to all this a bombastic multi-billionaire named Trump is coming to town to run the whole shooting match, no pun intended. This could be a great thing, or a total disaster. Time will tell.

Yessirree, that's some kind of town.

Detroit Lions, playoffs, and the NFC

It certainly appears as if the long forlorn Detroit Lions will make the playoffs this year. Barring a complete collapse down the stretch, and even if that happened, they should make it into the postseason. Is it because the Lions are playing outstanding ball? Not really. They've been fortunate on a number of fronts, not the least being having many breaks go their way and a rather easy schedule, but more importantly, the NFC as a whole. Consider the competition ---

NFC East
At 8-4, the NY Giants record is deceiving. They're a slightly better than average team, but at times Eli doesn't seem to know whether he's coming or going, Odell is a wonderfully gifted if childish, tantrum prone wide receiver, and the defense surely ain't what it used to be. Grade B-

The Redskins putting the franchise tag on otherwise mediocre quarterback Kirk Cousins speaks volumes that they don't have star power anywhere else. Grade C

In Philly they started off hot. But a new coach, which means a new system and coordinators, combined with a rookie quarterback in Wentz was bound to catch up with them. It has. Grade D

The South
Like the Eagles, Atlanta jumped out of the gate. But we all know the Falcons have long been prone to late season swoons and early exits from the playoffs. It's happening again. Grade C
Sean Payton may be the highest paid coach in the league, and Drew Brees a future shoo-in for the Hall of Fame. Yet the New Orleans Saints have been trending downwards since the heady days of Bountygate. Things will only get worse. Grade C-
The Tampa Bay Bucs are capable of playing well on occasion. They're also capable of stinking it up. Does anybody seriously consider these guys to be contenders? Please. Grade C-
Cam and the Carolina Panthers have taken a nosedive since the Super Bowl beatdown they suffered 10 months ago. From penthouse to outhouse in a hurry. Grade D-

The West.
Not long ago, the Arizona Cardinals were considered as an elite team. No more. Coach Bruce Ariens' mind-numbing game mismanagement and otherwise sub-par performances from many of their players have brought them back down on the express elevator. Grade D
The recently re-transplanted LA Rams are trying to find their way in la-la-land. It appears their GPS system has totally winked out. These guys are not good. Grade D
And speaking of terrible, the San Fran 49ers epitomize it. Since Jim Harbaugh left, the Bay Boys make Pepe LePew smell like $500 an ounce perfume. Grade Z.

The North.
The Minnesota Vikings got it done with smoke and mirrors for a while, but like Philly, it was a train wreck waiting to happen. With QB Teddy Bridgewater going down, then superstud running back Adrian Petersen, combined with a mishmash ineffective offensive line and no better than average defense, it was only a matter of time as well before they headed south. It has come to pass. Grade C-.
Something strange happened in Green Bay and it isn't good for the cheeseheads. The Packers have become decidedly mediocre at best. True, they've had their share of injuries and seen key players bail to free agency, but the standard of excellence in Packerland is sorely being tested. Grade C
What can you say about Chicago? It's another year of Da Bears. Not pretty. Grade D-

You will note a few teams have been omitted from the above. In no particular order, consider---

The Seattle Seahawks. After a sluggish start, they appear to be rounding into the fearsome bunch we have all come to love -- or hate. At any rate, these guys are the real deal, have the been there done that factor on their resume, and will be a tough out in the postseason. Who needs Marshawn Lynch when Thomas Rawls can step in and be as good, if not better? Combine that with the rest of their cast of characters, on both sides of the ball, and another trip to the Super Bowl is definitely a possibility. Grade A-
Down in Big D, after losing their opener, the Cowboys have ripped off 11 wins in row. Color Tony Romo gone. Dak Prescott has future star written all over him. Remember when they lost the league's leading running back, Demarco Murray to free agency not long ago? Enter rookie Buckeye Ezekiel Elliot to more than fill the void. With their usual mammoth and efficient offensive line, weapons like Dez Bryant and Jason Witten to throw to, and a pretty stout defense, it appears the one-time so-called America's team is back. Oh yeah, throw in one of the best placekickers in the league, Dan Bailey, to boot, no pun intended. At 11-1, they've all but sewn up home field advantage in the playoffs. Beating them in Jerry Jones's palace will be a formidable task. Grade A

That leaves the Detroit Lions. At 8-4, they've certainly exceeded the expectations of just about everybody. Most of the pundits figured them to be a 5-11, maybe 6-10 team in early predictions.

So how has it come to pass that they sit atop the NFC North with such a lofty record? To watch them in any given game, they don't project an aura of greatness by a long shot. It's almost as if they mundanely plod away but somehow wind up winning in the end. As mentioned at the top, they've caught their share of breaks. (For those who would claim a team makes its own breaks -- yours truly would offer the Vikings' place kicker, Blair Walsh, missing a point after touchdown, which ultimately resulted in a Detroit overtime victory, instead of an almost certain loss. That's just luck).

Further, if things hold true to form, the Lions will get a playoff game at home. In that contest, they would likely face either a wild card winner from a watered down field, or perhaps another division champ with a lesser record. They could win that and advance.

But somewhere along the line, likely either Seattle or Dallas will stand in the way of the Super Bowl. Depending how the last four games play out, Detroit could actually host the Seahawks. If the Lions stay on a roll and the Seahawks stumble, they could be at Ford Field again. How the Lions would respond under such huge playoff pressure remains to be seen. After all, it's not like they have a wealth of experience in such contests. A meager one playoff win total since Super Bowls started 50 years ago speaks for itself. Yet perhaps it would be doable.

It's also unlikely anybody's going to waltz into Big D and knock off the Cowboys. But that's not impossible either. Stranger things have been known to happen in the postseason, not to mention whatever injuries could arise in the next month as well.

What will be truly interesting is when the Lions go to Dallas for a Monday night game on Dec. 26, the day after Santa has headed back to the North Pole. The whole country will be paying attention to that one, and it could well be a preview of a playoff match-up to come in late January.

Could the Lions actually pull off such a Herculean task and defeat the Cowboys in their own back yard? The final springboard to a -- gasp -- Super Bowl appearance?

Holy cow. Wouldn't that be something?

But hey. Nothing's impossible, right? Witness the recent Presidential election. Who saw THAT coming? And how 'bout dem Cubbies? 108 years in the making.

If the Lions go from a predicted 5-11 team all the way to the Super Bowl, one thing is for sure.

From coast to coast, people will be putting their right hand over their heart, their left arm extended and flailing, and all the while screaming in a Fred Sanford moment---

I'm coming Elizabeth!!!.

The big one indeed.

The Bonehead Files. Tiger Woods - again

Sound the trumpets, gild the primrose path with rose petals, and keep 70 virgins on standby. His Highness Eldrick Tont Woods, sometimes known as Tiger, is making his triumphant return to grace us with his royal presence again.

Well then. What manner of lunacy is afoot THIS time?  Wasn't the Presidential campaign enough to satisfy the idiots for a while?

It appears not. They're back to root for their hero, boneheads such as they are.

Granted, from roughly 1998 to 2008 Tiger Woods put up arguably the most dominant decade of any athlete in any sport (though a case could be made for the likes of George Herman (Babe) Ruth from the mid 20s to mid 30s and certainly sprinter Usain Bolt of late, among others).

At that time, Woods was seemingly winning everything in sight. Tournament after tournament, breaking records, and few doubted he would pass Jack Nicklaus's all-time major mark. It wasn't if, but when.

Then the wheels fell off and he was exposed for what he had been all along, the latter likely heavily contributing to the former. Because while Eldrick had been tearing up the golf courses and enjoying the hero worship that came with it from certain quarters, he was, at heart, far from an upstanding young man.

His serial infidelity with his wife finally blew up in his face, and the public to date likely knows of only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. While he was Mr. Congeniality in front of the cameras, it became known that Woods and his then caddie Steve Williams were tyrants on the course regarding the paying galleries that had shown up to see him in good faith.

"Out of the way, peasants. Can't you see royalty is coming through? And don't you talk, much less try to take pictures. Just bow and scrape like the worthless peons you are."

Yet his groupies, egged on by the media blitz, kept coming back for more. And quite the blitz it was. During any given tournament, and even those in which Woods wasn't competing, the replays of his "highlights" ran in a continuous loop. There was no such thing as Tiger over-saturation. See Tiger smile. See Tiger putt. See Tiger eat a banana. See Tiger curse. See Tiger pump his fist. See Tiger pound a club. All of this was force fed to the viewers while other worthy to see action was going on all around him. And the public, bless their gullible souls -- ate it up. The TV folks could hardly be faulted. Hey, if they determine ratings will be higher by airing such nonsense as opposed to the sporting event itself -- that's exactly what they're going to do. They prey on the boneheads. How else to explain so many commercials featuring various wonder-products that would normally cost a consumer $200-300 -- right -- but every one of these things is now $19.95?  Call now while supplies last, boneheads.

But it is what it is and Eldrick is back again at something called the Hero World Challenge. Well, of course he would choose a tournament with a name like that. Hello?

Even back in his heyday, yours truly smelled something fishy about this guy, so no, I never became one of his legions of fans. The politically correcters, boneheads that THEY are, would and do accuse me of being a "hater". I guess because I refused to fall in lock-step with their vision of Woods, yours truly became a target of THEIR hate. It really is boneheaded logic if one thinks about it. Just because I chose or choose not to root for a person, while smelling a rat, means I must hate him/her. This author is probably one of few in the world that doesn't care much for coffee either. Because my taste buds preferences differ from most, does that make me a beanophobe on some level? See how ridiculous that sounds? Worse yet, if I'd rather watch an Indy car event than one of NASCAR, which is true, in the truest sense of the word have I now become a, gasp, racist? Argh.

Thing is, like a lot of sports junkies, I watch ESPN for the recaps to catch up on many events. It was noted that Woods was hacking his way around at the Hero tourney during his first round. To nobody's surprise, the TV folks were all over it. See Tiger hit one into the sand. Then again, and again. See him chip up a hill to a green, only to watch it roll back. Oops, there goes one in the drink. He must have hit some pretty good shots in between to salvage a one over par 73. Still, that left him a whopping 9 strokes back after a single round while the other guys were carving up a fairly easy course under ideal weather conditions. What WAS surprising is instead of seeing the Tiger highlight reels we've become accustomed to in the past, this time it was like a blooper show.

To his credit, Eldrick would come back (where have we heard that phrase before?) to post an impressive 6 under par 65 in the second round. Only 6 shots behind.

It used to be that the weekends belonged to Tiger. Even when trailing, Saturday was "moving day" to zoom up the leaderboard, and Sunday was time to break out the red shirt and black pants to polish it off. Not so in recent years.

Though he's been sidelined with various injuries, real or excuses for lack of a competitive game, even when he was "healthy" his record was far from admirable, much less worthy of the lofty position so many want to return him to. Ten missed cuts. A few quits when things were going even worse.

And these days, at age 40, with the wreckage still very close in his rear view mirror, does anyone really think he can storm back to recapture the glory of days past? At last look, Woods was ranked somewhere around #198 in the world. Not even on the radar screen of competitive golf at its highest levels. The young studs have blown by him like he once did to the generation before him. And those guys are going to keep on coming. They no longer fear Tiger, but view him as a washed up has-been that can't come close to challenging them.

Idle thought. In the second round of the current tourney, Brit Justin Rose, paired up with Woods, withdrew. Did he really have a bad back, or did he just not want to put up with the media circus, and Tiger himself for the day? Hmmm.

Here's wishing Eldrick Tont well in whatever the future holds for him. Many have said that Woods was good for golf, making it more popular. Perhaps. But there are us that got turned off to the game BECAUSE of him and only jumped back in when other stars emerged while His Highness was out taking a powder somewhere.

Yet to those that still hang on to the notion that their hero will once again assume his rightful throne and rally back at this stage of his career to win a bunch of tournaments and finally eclipse Jack's major record, I can but humbly offer only one word.

Boneheads.