Monday, December 26, 2016

The lucky Lions

Normally at this time of year, Detroit Lions' football fans have pretty well packed it in. One way or the other, their team will have bumbled their way through most of another season, and playoffs -- PLAYOFFS? -- forget that. It ain't happening. The Lions sordid history has clearly shown if there's a way to screw something up -- they'll find it. Or it will find them.

But this year has been a complete turn around. It's almost like every possible break they could ever ask for -- has come to pass.

The ridiculously easy schedule.
Improbable fourth quarter comebacks on even more improbable plays.
A Minnesota place kicker missing a point after touchdown that turned a sure loss into a gift from heaven win.
The list goes on.

Still, many were likely afraid to get their hopes up, for fear the dreaded "other shoe" was bound to drop eventually. This string of seemingly being blessed couldn't last forever -- could it? C'mon, it's the Lions. You just KNOW something stupid is going to happen to dash their hopes.

The last two games against the NY Giants and Dallas Cowboys have been somewhat telling. The Giants, the only team to beat the Cowboys (twice), convincingly took down the Lions. And the Cowboys just got done putting a beatdown on them. Hey, 42-21, as in three touchdowns worth, is a serious spanking of the woodshed variety.

But their incredible luck appears to be holding. Even with those two defeats, they remain in the thick of the playoff hunt.

A win at home over Green Bay next week would still give them the NFC north division title. After a slow start, and being absolutely hammered by key injuries, the Pack appears to have gotten their act somewhat together. This should be a helluva game in Motown.

Yet even if the Lions lose, to end their regular season on a three loss streak, the football gods have smiled on them by aiding them elsewhere.

The above mentioned Giants, after the quality wins over Dallas and Detroit, confoundedly lost to the lowly Philadelphia Eagles. That helped the Lions playoff picture.

Out west, the Seattle Seahawks, playing in a pitiful division, were locks to win it -- and they will. Yet in the fight for possible home field playoff advantage, they mysteriously, at home no less, went down to the woeful Arizona Cardinals. That also helped the Lions.

The Tampa Bay Bucs, yes, those Bucs, were quietly hanging around the wildcard picture. But they got beat by New Orleans. Okay, not that big of an upset, but still a game TB likely should have won. Another small advantage for the Lions in possible playoff scenarios.

In fact, the only thing still not left on the table for the Lions is a possible first round playoff bye. The loss to Dallas officially nixed that. A win over the Packers would not only give them the division crown, but likely a home playoff date.

Even if they lose that game, they're still not completely out of it. The only way that happens is if the Redskins manage to defeat the NY Giants. The Jersey boys will be heavily favored to win that game.

Yet if Murphy's Law comes swooping down, and every possible bad scenario for the Lions actually occurs, well, let's just say it ain't over yet.

But chances are the Lions will find themselves in the playoffs, one way or the other. Maybe at home, maybe on the road, but at least playing.

Which makes it better than most Lions years. How they will fare if and when they get there remains to be seen. Could they actually -- GASP -- win a playoff game for the first time since Slick Willy was settling into the Oval Office -- for their second of all time? Could happen. A march to the Super Bowl?  Um, theoretically possible, but so is the Donald ditching Melania to shack up with Hillary. Let's just say it's probably not a very good bet.

However, one thing remains etched in stone for the lovable Lions. It was a close call, and the Cleveland Browns almost pulled it off. But finally, mercifully, in week 16, the Brownies managed to win a game. They are now the proud owners of a 1-14 record after slipping by the San Diego Chargers. Cleveland has the dubious honor of travelling to Pittsburgh for a date with the Steelers next week. Make that 1-15.

So the Lions are still the undisputed champions of futility via their 0-16 season in 2008. Their place in NFL history remains secure. Kings of the basement. Even the Browns, and what a gawd-awful mess they are, couldn't sink to that level. A record that could be equaled, not likely, but never surpassed.

It's at least something.

There are those that claim any publicity is good publicity, so an all-time record of any sort must be fantastic, right?

Well then......




Saturday, December 24, 2016

An Ezekiel Elliott Christmas

That was a pretty cool gesture. It seems Dallas Cowboy running back Ezekiel Elliott bought all the offensive linemen brand new SUVs for Christmas. The five starters and evidently three back-ups, for a total of eight.

We're told EE shelled out about $128,000 for these vehicles. To the average person, that would be a hefty sum of money. Not so much for Elliott. He's making about $5 million this year. $128K represents about one fortieth of his yearly pay. So if you were making, say, $40,000 a year, a median wage, that would be like you putting out about a grand.

Thing is, at $40,000, it can be difficult to make ends meet occasionally. A thousand bucks for Christmas presents could put a strain on the budget. But at $5 million, there's plenty left over after shedding 1/40th of it. So it doesn't really equate. Let's just say EE won't have to worry about a ramen noodle diet any time soon.

But looking at the numbers raises another question. Eight SUVs at a total price of $128K works out to -- if my 6th grade Jethro math is correct -- about 16 thousand apiece.

Wait a second. Sixteen grand for a brand new SUV? Did they come with engines and floorboards or are they the Flintstone variety? Seems mighty low.

Still, it's the thought that counts -- right?

And along that line, yours truly wishes you and yours a very Merry Christmas.

But don't ask me to spring for a new car.

Ain't happening.

If you want one of those, get in touch with my boss, sometimes known as the dreaded editor. He's the one making the big bucks, and I have no doubt he'll tell you exactly where to go to get one. Or at least where to go......

Friday, December 23, 2016

Judging the Detroit Lions

Yours truly recently read an article where the scribe, obviously a "homer", said the Detroit Lions should not be judged on their woeful past, but rather on what they might accomplish in the future.

To which I say -- you've got to be kidding me. Obviously, he hasn't been paying attention to how life works in general. A few examples ---

When one is applying for a decent job, one submits a resume listing their education, experience, personal recommendations, etc. In other words, what they have done before and how well they did it.

The ability to borrow money, and at what interest rates, is largely based on one's credit rating. This is generated by agencies that scour your past history and determine whether you have been faithful in paying previous bills.

If one runs afoul of the law, judges typically have a wide range of sentences to choose from. What do they consider as a major mitigating factor?  Your record/rap sheet/priors, if any. A previous model citizen may get a slap on the wrist for the same crime a habitual offender will get the book throw at them. It matters.

Getting accepted into a university often depends on how good one's grades were in high school.

The very essence of how one matures as an adult, if they ever do, can usually be attributed to the lessons and examples, or lack thereof, they learned as children from their parents.

In countless facets of life, it's all about the past.

So why should the Lions be judged any differently?

Since Super Bowls started -- 50 years ago -- the Detroit Lions have done nothing of note. Fifty years ago is a long time. Lyndon Johnson was President. Woodstock hadn't happened yet. The Beatles were still together. Many households didn't even have color TV.

In fact, the Lions futility goes even farther back -- to the late 50s. Eisenhower was in the White House. The ill-fated Ford Edsel was just coming out. I Love Lucy, the Honeymooners, and Leave it to Beaver were churning out new episodes. Sock hops and hula hoops were the rage. Happy Days and their Fonzies existed in real time. A long time ago indeed.

In the interminable interim, Lions fans have seen their team not only fail to get to a single Super Bowl, let alone win it, but have grand total of one -- ONE -- playoff victory to remember. And that was a while back, as well.

Wayne Fontes was the head coach. Barry Sanders was in the early stages of his career and electrifying the crowd at the now defunct Pontiac Silverdome. And the Lions trashed the Dallas Cowboys 38-6. All year long, the team had been cocky, with Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust" as their theme song. Yours truly just happened to be at that game and I've never heard anything louder before or since. Joyous times in Honolulu blue and silver land.

Alas, the following week the Lions would travel to Washington and get hammered 41-10 by the Redskins. Fittingly, it was their turn to finally bite the dust.

It was the lone highlight in all those decades of otherwise miserable football. And the Lions haven't done anything noteworthy since. Barry Sanders would finally throw up his hands in frustration and take an early retirement. At the rate he was going, Sanders likely could have set the all-time NFL rushing bar so high nobody would ever approach it again. But it wasn't worth all the losing that came along with it. So he walked. In hindsight, can you blame him?

Currently, quarterback Matthew Stafford is the darling of Lions fans and media. Look at all the gaudy passing statistics he keeps putting up, they crow. And how about all those comeback wins of late?

The reason Stafford racks up so many passing yards is because he throws more passes than anybody else. That's due to the Lions lack of a decent running game. He doesn't have any choice.

Thing is, Stafford's in his 8th season and has yet to win a single playoff game either. So what difference does it make how many yards he throws for if the team can't close the deal in the postseason?

Consequently, the standard of expectations has become quite low in Detroit. If they can just get to the playoffs, it will be considered a successful season. Other franchises would scoff at that. Just getting to the playoffs isn't good enough for the folks in places like New England, Green Bay, or Dallas. Anything less than a Super Bowl victory is considered a failure. Still other teams have been cyclical. They'll rise to greatness, then fall into mediocrity or worse. Up and down they go. The Lions have always remained basically flat-liners where maybe a C+ grade is their ceiling.

In days of yore, this author used to root for the Lions as ardently as any other hard core fan. But no more. When Barry walked, so did I and haven't looked back since. It's going on two decades and what have they accomplished? Still nothing.

So here's my thought on the Lions. Win something. And not just something, but a Super Bowl or two. In fact, be genuine contenders for a generation or so. No, I still won't come back into the fold, because over is over. But it's the least they can do for the sappies that keep hanging in there and cheering them on. Evidently, they have a masochistic streak in them. Gluttons for punishment. But different strokes.

In the meantime, I don't want to hear about how the Lions shouldn't be judged on their gawd-awful past. Like everything else in life, that is EXACTLY how they should be judged.

Speaking of which, if one so believes, how do you think you'll be judged when you stand before the Great White Throne facing the Almighty after you have passed from this mortal world? In how you conducted your life -- which is past -- or how good a person you promise to be in the future if you gain admittance beyond the Pearly Gates?

To say or think otherwise is just plain kool-aid fueled nonsense.

Like believing in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, you'd think they'd learn eventually, but some just never do.......





Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The Bonehead Files. Richard Sherman

Well now. There's something we don't see every day. Seattle Seahawk cornerback Richard Sherman threatened a reporter. Evidently, yon journalist was asking questions that Sherman was uncomfortable with. What? A reporter making a pain in the ass of him/herself? That NEVER happens -- right?

At any rate, RS told the scribe "don't go there", else he'd see to it the reporter's media credentials got yanked regarding coverage of the team.

Bad, repeat BAD idea.

Dissing a reporter, especially publicly, is a bit like pissing off a hornet, member of a motorcycle club, or your average terrorist cell habitue. Rile one up and the whole swarm will come after you. In other words, they don't fight fair.

For a guy who's supposed to be smart, having graduated from Stanford, Sherman now finds himself a not so proud member of the Bonehead Club. A "made man" in the Phi Beta Dummy fraternity. One would think the degree he received in communications would enable him to choose his words a bit better. Guess not.

And speaking of clueless in Seattle, let's add another member to the distinguished order of the ossified.cranial cavities. His coach, one Pete Carroll.

Once upon a time not long ago, Mr. Carroll was the head coach at the University of Southern California. When rampant cheating was discovered on his watch, what did PC do? The most un-pc thing imaginable. Instead of hanging around and taking responsibility for his actions, or lack thereof, he bailed north to Seattle for more millions while leaving USC going up in flames due to various penalties the NCAA rightly hammered them with. Not even a "sorry guys" on his way out of town. Totally classless.

Carroll has always came across like the shady character a father doesn't want to see his daughter date, or you want to buy a used car from.  A fast talking, rapid-fire gum chewing, snake oil salesman. Even his little bitty weasel-like teeth add to the persona.

Further, like a typical bully, Carroll dearly loves to rub it in when his team is getting the upper hand on an opponent.

And now he's done it once again. Recently, at a home game against the LA Rams, his Seahawks were ahead by three touchdowns with under five minutes to play in the game. The contest was essentially over and the Seahawks had an easy victory in the bag. Seattle had the ball and it was fourth down. Punt time -- right? Sure, if it was anybody with a shred of decency. But not PC. He called for a fake punt, and the kicker ran for huge yardage and a first down.

If that wasn't bad enough, Carroll could be seen on the sidelines chortling with glee like it was the greatest thing in the world. Does it get any more low class and sleazier than that?

So for those reasons, this is a twofer post.

Richard and Pete most definitely belong.

Welcome to the Bonehead Club, fellas.

If anybody has earned it, you have.


Monday, December 19, 2016

Christian McCaffrey. Pros and cons

Stanford junior running back Christian McCaffrey has decided to skip the Sun Bowl, where his team will square off against North Carolina, to begin his NFL draft preparation. So is this a good thing? A wise and prudent move? Or should he be criticized for it? Opinions vary. Let's look at some of the pros and cons.

The pay thing. Like any college athlete, McCaffrey wouldn't make a dime for participating in a bowl game. His all-around productivity while at Stanford speaks for itself. Few would question he's among the best running backs available to the NFL, having been the runner-up for the Heisman award last year and putting up impressive stats this season as well. So some team will draft him, likely high, and he'll become an instant millionaire as soon as his signature is dry on the contract.

Chance of injury. McCaffrey was dinged up with an "unknown" ailment earlier this season which forced him to miss a game against Notre Dame. In the roll of the dice world of running backs, which absorb so much punishment, one never knows when any given hit could end his football career. Representing his team, and school, in the Sun Bowl exposes him one more time to the unthinkable. Blow out a knee and kiss millions good-bye. While unlikely, it could happen. So why run the risk?

Arguments have been made, and the noise is recently getting louder, that football players, especially stars at major universities, should get paid for their services. After all, the schools make a lot of money off their work, by packing fans into the stadiums, selling their merchandise, etc. It may or may not happen in the future, but this is something that McCaffrey never enjoyed during his time at Stanford. However, that's a debate for another day.

These are all valid reasons why McCaffrey has every right, and probably should do exactly what he plans on doing.

Idle thought: If old Frankie Blue Eyes wanted us to believe "I did it my way", then why did he swipe his signature song from Paul Anka instead of writing his own? Or WAS that his way? Hmmm.

But there's another side as well.

When McCaffrey signed on to his scholarship offer at Stanford, like any other "student-athlete", he reaped rewards as well.

Free tuition, free housing in a dorm, free food, free books, free access to computers to aid him in his studies, free library and labs if necessary, and most of all the free education in whatever field he chose. All told, this is likely hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of freebies that a non-athlete and/or his parents would have to pay out of pocket, or borrow to be paid back later.

While the school was enjoying the cha-chings a player like McCaffrey afforded them, he also reaped the rewards of playing in world class facilities, travelling to many cities on free road trips, being seen on television and otherwise garnering the media attention playing for a school like Stanford. In other words, they benefited from each other. Without the college, who would have ever heard of Christian McCaffrey?

Right or wrong, NFL rules stipulate a player has to be three years removed from high school to be eligible to play in their league. So sans Stanford, or any other school he may have chosen, what options did McCaffrey have if he wanted to play professional football in America? Sit out for three years doing nothing but training and watching game tapes? We all know that wouldn't work. The pros would drop him off their radar faster than a torpedoed canoe. They want to see what a player can do in college against, the best of the best former high school players before they'd even give him a glance at the next level.

Nobody forced a player like McCaffrey to go to college. He chose it, with the scholarship and everything that went along with it. And part of that deal was certainly representing his school in the best way he could.

To bail on them on the eve of a bowl game, the highlight of any season for any football team, with the maximum exposure that comes with it, would seem to be a double-cross. A betrayal when his teammates and coaches needed him the most.

In a perfect world, at least for Stanford, McCaffrey would lead his team to a rousing victory in the Sun Bowl while racking up personal gaudy stats, which would improve his NFL draft status. He could come back to campus one last time and enjoy the adoration that would surely be bestowed upon him. And THEN get ready for the NFL combine and whatever town he landed in after the draft. Further, on some level, wouldn't the brass of a pro team wonder just a little bit about his loyalty in the future, given what he's doing right now?

And doesn't he owe the school at least one last go-round after all it's done for him in the last three years?

Maybe. Maybe not.

It's a tough call, and people on either side of the issue have valid points.

Here's wishing him the best, however it works out.








Sunday, December 18, 2016

Detroit Lions. Strikes

Having caught every break imaginable so far this season, the Lions were cruising along towards the playoffs. This is not huge news in several other NFL towns, because they're used to participating in the post season most years. When perennially good teams have a drought, it doesn't last for long.

But the Lions are one of only 4 teams to have never even made it to the Super Bowl, let alone win it. The others are "expansion" teams -- the Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars, and the "new" Cleveland Browns. So as one can imagine, the Honolulu blue and silver faithful in Detroit are quite excited these days.

There has been talk of the Lions not just making the playoffs, but even hosting a home game (or two if they got that far). It could even be that the Lions, if they kept winning, might clinch one of the two coveted first round byes in the NFC. Scarce few would have thought that possible at the beginning of the season. Most pundits had them going somewhere around 5-11 or 6-10 for just another one of their ho-hum campaigns. All of these scenarios are still mathematically possible if Detroit wins its last two games and things play out elsewhere around the conference in their favor.

Of course, there is the flip side as well. Any and all of these scenarios can go poof if the Lions collapse to end the season on a three game losing streak while others in the hunt keep rolling. Nothing is etched in stone yet.

The Lions losing at the NY Giants could be considered "strike one". True, the Giants are a good team, and losing to them on the road is nothing to be ashamed of. But that game enabled the Giants to pass the Lions in the conference standings. The bye mentioned above is starting to look mighty iffy.

Next up, the Lions travel to Dallas for a Monday night game. All football eyes will be upon it. At 12-2, the Cowboys are leading the NFC pack by a full two games over the 10-4 Giants. Jerry Jones's boys need only win one of their last two. However, if they lose both and the Giants win out, while they would both still get first round byes at 12-4, the Cowboys might have to play @ NY somewhere down the line, the Giants holding the tie-breaker, having defeated the Cowboys both at home and on the road, for their only two losses so far. It's safe to say, the only road game the Cowboys want to see in the playoffs is the last one -- the Super Bowl just down the road a skosh in Houston.

If they can beat the Lions next Monday, they can lock up home field throughout the playoffs, and their last game @ Philly won't matter. So besides the national glare of Monday night football, da Boys will be highly motivated to defeat the Lions. If they can, they'll have the luxury of resting a lot of their key players for the regular season finale -- giving the bumps and bruises an extra week to heal before the even harder hitting grind of the playoffs start.

However, if the Lions were to lose that game, and they'll certainly be underdogs, it could be considered "strike two". That would put them at 9-6 with one game to play, The bye would have been long gone, and a home playoff game would be in jeopardy, again depending how things elsewhere around the league played out. But they'd still be very much in the hunt for the postseason.

What seemed like "cloud nine" just a couple weeks before, could turn into a house of horrors. Namely, they could miss the playoffs entirely.

It could, and likely will, all boil down to the Lions own regular season finale, a home game against Green Bay. The Pack started out slow this year, but appear to have righted their ship somewhat and are fighting for a playoff spot as well. They're only one game back of the Lions, have defeated them once already this year, and will be taking on Minnesota next week. Oddly, that game will be played on Saturday, Christmas Eve, rather than the usual Sunday. The Packers are home for it, and the Vikings, after a fast start this year, have all but collapsed. All signs point to a Green Bay romp.

The Lions will already know the outcome of that game, of course, when they play on Monday night. But if it just so works out that Detroit loses in Dallas while GB has won at home -- they would be tied atop the NFC north division, with the showdown in Detroit the following week for all the marbles.

It is worth noting that while GB has to travel to Detroit, the Packers will have a full two days more rest and preparation time to get ready for that game than the Lions.

Therefore, it's entirely possible both Detroit and Green Bay will be fighting for not only the division championship, but perhaps even a playoff spot at all. With the Giants as one likely wild card and the Tampa Bay Bucs quietly sneaking into the fray, the worst case scenario for Detroit could be falling out of the playoffs entirely. Everything would have to work out just right, or wrong, but it's a possibility.

What a New Year's day showdown it is likely to be. Aaron Rodgers and the Pack invading Motown with huge ramifications depending on the outcome of the game.

As mentioned at the top, the Lions have caught a ton of breaks this year to even be in the position they are. But if Murphy's Law boinks them on the head over the next couple weeks -- and it IS the Lions, remember -- how far they would have fallen, and how fast. From penthouse to outhouse, once again.

A loss to the Pack in week 17 could quite possibly be -- "strike three". And we all know what umpires yell right after that happens.

Yer out.

But it ain't over yet. As they have long said in Detroit, there is still hope.

Stay tuned........


Saturday, December 17, 2016

The WHAT? bowl

We knew it was coming and it has begun. College bowl season is upon us. This is nothing like the old days when there were only four bowls -- Orange, Rose, Cotton, and Sugar. It seemed a shame that only eight teams got to participate in the post season. The upside, of course, was those games would always feature really good teams slugging it out.

But now it's gone crazy the other way. This season we will be treated, and I use that word loosely, to a whopping 41 bowls. Eighty teams in all (the two that make it to the national championship game will play in two bowls -- semis and final).

Many of these are TV driven, see ESPN, and generate little fan interest. Worse, out of those eighty teams, a full twenty of them don't even have a winning record. When we've got bowl games featuring teams with losing records, there's too damn many bowls.

At any rate, earlier yours truly clicked on the 4-letter network and what did I behold? The Air Force Reserves Celebration Bowl. Dang, who knew the back-up flyboys and girls had a bowl named after them? Evidently, they were supposed to celebrate watching the likes of North Carolina Central take on Grambling in Atlanta.

Wait a second. There's such a school as North Carolina Central? Who knew? Grambling is different, of course. I knew of a Grambling man once. Bob Segar even sang a song about him. Or was that the Allman Brothers?

To be honest, I wouldn't watch such a nothing bowl game on a bet, but just happened to tune in as the game was nearing conclusion. Grambling was ahead 10-3. The NC Central crowd, what little there was of them, grew restless. Then holy Jim Thorpe, NCC broke through for a touchdown. The game was going to be tied up, as soon as they kicked the extra point.

But not so fast. The player that scored the touchdown went into bonehead mode. First he took off his helmet, a no-no until players get back to their sidelines, then danced in front of the sparse NCC rooting section. Another no-no. So naturally, and rightly so, he was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct. Move the ball back 15 yards from where it would usually be spotted for a point after attempt. Now it became not quite so automatic.

And sure enough, it happened. The ball was snapped, spotted, and the kick is ---- blocked. Grambling still led 10-9. After a botched onside kick attempt on the ensuing kickoff by NCC, they retried and Grambling recovered to run out the clock. Game over.

Yet the failed extra point attempt had shown something a bit odd. The holder and the kicker were both white. They appeared to be the only Caucasians on the team. For that matter, in the whole stadium, which was pretty much empty to begin with. See lack of fan interest mentioned above.

So how would you like to be those guys? Their team finally comes back to almost tie the score and they muff the extra point?

Good luck in the locker room, and even better luck when they have to go back to campus. That could get uglier than about half the bowl games we'll be force fed in the next couple weeks.