Many moons ago, when yours truly was just beginning to try his hand at this on-line sports journalism gig (sometimes referred to as a "blog" by the heathen infidels), a supreme being (sometimes called an "editor") sat me down and laid out a few ground rules. Thou shalts and thou shalt nots. One never knows about editors. Like other all-present powers, they may or may not be checking up on you at any point in time. But it's usually a good idea to assume the all-seeing eye is looking over your shoulder -- always. Get out of line and -- WHAM -- off to the woodshed you go for a proper thrashing. Been there, done that, and no thanks, it's not much fun.
Besides the obvious, such as staying away from gross profanity, and most things ethnic, religious, or political, one of the biggies was to credit one's sources if and when one kinda sorta "borrowed" somebody else's work. That said, noted scribes Michael McCann and L. Jon Wertheim of Sports Illustrated recently penned an article regarding OJ Simpson's possible release from prison later this year. If any of the following just happens to overlap with their fine product, I indeed give credit to McCann and Wertheim for at the very least inspiration.
Take that, Boss, wherever you are. And you can put that dadburned switch away for another day, thank you very much.
Certainly we all remember the trial Mr. Simpson went through back in 1995. It was hard to miss. Though the majority of the public to this day likely feels he literally got away with murder, I know for at least a legal fact OJ was innocent. How do I know this? Because the jury said so. They heard all the evidence and testimony and rendered a verdict. If one is to believe in the old adage of "innocent until proven guilty", then it follows that a defendant not convicted must still be innocent. But we also know it doesn't quite work that way. One charged, a defendant is never innocent again. At best, they can get an "acquittal" and be considered "not-guilty". Such was the case with OJ. So like it or not -- he walked.
At that point, he pretty much had it made. He could live in sunny Florida, where state statutes protected his residence(s) from forfeiture due to the civil suit he would lose to the families of the victims, Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, two years later. Also, his NFL pension, roughly $300,000 a year, couldn't be touched either. I don't know about you, but I dare say most could get by quite comfortably on that amount of money, and Florida's not exactly a bad place to be "grounded" to. Lots of things to do year round.
On the matter of the civil case, it defied logic in a way. How could a jury find him culpable of "wrongful death" when a previous jury had already declared he hadn't killed anybody? True, the burden of proof in a civil trial is lower than that of a criminal trial, but still......
And then he screwed up -- big time. Off to Las Vegas he went with some "friends" to repossess some paraphernalia he thought rightfully belonged to him. In the process, one of his cohorts brandished a gun, the cops were called, and just like that OJ was jammed up again. This time he wasn't so fortunate.
He was found guilty of conspiracy, burglary, robbery, kidnapping, and assault with a deadly weapon. Heavy duty stuff. To no one's great surprise, the sentencing judge "threw the book" at him, giving him a whopping 33 years in prison. Many perceived this as "payback" for his earlier "non-crime" and were fine with it.
Thing is, nobody was kidnapped and somebody besides OJ had the gun. But the powers that be were on a mission to slam dunk Simpson and they knew the court of public opinion would agree with them. And so it came to pass.
One should note that prior to this, OJ's record was essentially clean. Had another citizen without the pseudo-baggage of the previous high profile trial done the exact same thing at that room in Vegas, he/she likely would have received a much lesser sentence. Maybe a few years, but certainly not 33.
OJ will turn 70 before he goes before the parole board this time around, and will have served 9 years at that time.
It should also be noted that in a prior hearing in 2013, he was already paroled on all other charges but the burglary/robbery aspects. He's also been a model prisoner while on the inside. Nary a violation or "write-up".
From a strictly objective point of view, it could be argued that 9 years in prison is more than enough for a robbery/burglary, which is the only thing keeping him in.
While the parole board certainly possesses the power of discretion, and can pretty much do what it pleases with any prisoner, again, for an ordinary citizen this would seem to be a slam dunk hearing. Of course he should get out. The 33 years was ridiculous in the first place, given the nature of the actual offenses.
But obviously, OJ Simpson is no ordinary case. No doubt, the parole board is acutely aware that if they let him out, there will be a huge public outcry of protest. The media will zero in on it and scream foul. He got away with murder again, they and the masses will claim.
Yet that's not quite right, and never has been, for the factual reasons listed above.
It remains to be seen just what the board will do, but one can bet that as the time for a decision draws near, the drums will get louder and louder and the pressure immense on those poor devils that actually have to make the call.
Will they do what is logically the correct thing? Or will they cave to the outside forces that will be at a fever pitch in protest?
In concluding their article, McCann and Wertheim offered a truism that can not be denied. Even if Orenthal James Simpson is released from custody, he'll never be totally free.
Perhaps somewhere in there, proper justice will wind up being served after all.
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Friday, February 10, 2017
Tiger Woods. Reality check
Eldrick Tont Woods has withdrawn from the tournament at Pebble Beach citing "back spasms". Again.
That could raise a few questions to an inquisitive and, hopefully, objective mind.
First, were they real or faked? In other words, did he actually experience an involuntary physical contraction of his back muscles which kept him from playing on -- or -- was it just a convenient method of saving face when he continues to play so poorly?
Only Tiger knows for sure. Thing is, like your garden variety headache, back spasms (particularly after they've abated) are undetectable to the finest of medical technology. No X-Ray or MRI is going to discover whether they ever existed in the first place. So we are left with his word only. Most wish to believe him, but this certainly wouldn't be the first time the good Mr. Woods has, shall we say, stretched the truth a tad. Ask Elin.
Another question would be thus: Why is it that Tiger could "gut it out" on a "broken leg" back in the day to win a major championship, but now something as minor as back spasms totally incapacitates him? And hey, nobody walks mile after mile on a truly broken leg, so that was a fishy story even back then.
It's hard to dispute the preferential treatment Woods continues to receive. No other professional athlete in any other sport would be afforded the same. For background, consider Woods hasn't won a tournament in about 3 years, nor a major in roughly a decade. Further, he can't even seem to make a cut these days. Not even close.
In an NFL player turned in the same performance, he would long have been cut from the team.
The same goes for an NHL player. Non-productive for too long means outta here.
In the NBA, such a woeful player, for whatever reasons, would either be dismissed or find himself in the development league or overseas hoping to catch on.
Major league baseball would send him down to the minors to hopefully get his act together.
But in all cases, such an athlete, regardless of how good he once was, would no longer be allowed to play with the "big boys", at least temporarily. So how and why is it that Woods gets to keep on competing in PGA tournaments? Shouldn't he be delegated to the lesser Nationwide Tour (minor leagues) until he can prove he's worthy of competing with the best players in the world?
For that matter, if this horrible slump he's in doesn't improve some time soon, it would seem reasonable to question his very credentials as a PGA player. Only so many are allowed "cards" which enable them to compete. The question then becomes -- how bad does he have to get before they yank his ticket and make him go back through qualifying school? Oh, that's right. He never had to slog his way through it in the first place. Unlike other American players, he was given a pass.
Being ranked so low, not even in the top 500, if Eldrick was a pro tennis player, he'd find himself served up as cannon fodder to a top seed in an early round of a tennis major.
Only Tiger, and only in golf, is allowed to keep getting away with this sham.
The truly amazing thing is his legions of loyal fans (the media) continue to bombard golf fans with every and any Tiger "update" they can dig up. See Tiger drive. See Tiger chip. See Tiger putt. See Tiger 15 strokes behind. And of course, there will inevitably be a Tiger interview. Reporters hang on his every word after yet another disastrous day on the course. Nowadays, pitifully, a cast of thousands consider a "tweet" from Tiger as having the same impact and importance as if Moses just came down from the mountain with another set of tablets. They can't wait for this stuff, no matter how trivial it is. Does anybody with a lick of self respect really care what he ate for breakfast or how his practice rounds went? If that's how dumb-downed and hero-worshiping so many people have become, mankind is in bigger trouble than we thought.
But I'll just bet you a nickel that, roughly a month from now, as the Masters approaches, the media will be circling their wagons to build the hype of Woods playing again at Augusta. Never mind he not only won't be a favorite, and the longest of long shots to win. Also never mind it would be miraculous if he even survived the cut after two rounds of play -- if he can even make it THAT far, without those pesky back spasms or some other mysterious malady forcing him off the course prematurely -- real or fabricated.
The trumpets will sound and the media will swarm all over Eldrick Tont Woods with their cameras and microphones.
Given his atrocious play (and what else should matter?) of late, it is absolutely confounding why so much attention continues to be payed to what appears to be a hopelessly washed up former great.
In that respect, he is one of a kind indeed.
But that doesn't make it right.......
That could raise a few questions to an inquisitive and, hopefully, objective mind.
First, were they real or faked? In other words, did he actually experience an involuntary physical contraction of his back muscles which kept him from playing on -- or -- was it just a convenient method of saving face when he continues to play so poorly?
Only Tiger knows for sure. Thing is, like your garden variety headache, back spasms (particularly after they've abated) are undetectable to the finest of medical technology. No X-Ray or MRI is going to discover whether they ever existed in the first place. So we are left with his word only. Most wish to believe him, but this certainly wouldn't be the first time the good Mr. Woods has, shall we say, stretched the truth a tad. Ask Elin.
Another question would be thus: Why is it that Tiger could "gut it out" on a "broken leg" back in the day to win a major championship, but now something as minor as back spasms totally incapacitates him? And hey, nobody walks mile after mile on a truly broken leg, so that was a fishy story even back then.
It's hard to dispute the preferential treatment Woods continues to receive. No other professional athlete in any other sport would be afforded the same. For background, consider Woods hasn't won a tournament in about 3 years, nor a major in roughly a decade. Further, he can't even seem to make a cut these days. Not even close.
In an NFL player turned in the same performance, he would long have been cut from the team.
The same goes for an NHL player. Non-productive for too long means outta here.
In the NBA, such a woeful player, for whatever reasons, would either be dismissed or find himself in the development league or overseas hoping to catch on.
Major league baseball would send him down to the minors to hopefully get his act together.
But in all cases, such an athlete, regardless of how good he once was, would no longer be allowed to play with the "big boys", at least temporarily. So how and why is it that Woods gets to keep on competing in PGA tournaments? Shouldn't he be delegated to the lesser Nationwide Tour (minor leagues) until he can prove he's worthy of competing with the best players in the world?
For that matter, if this horrible slump he's in doesn't improve some time soon, it would seem reasonable to question his very credentials as a PGA player. Only so many are allowed "cards" which enable them to compete. The question then becomes -- how bad does he have to get before they yank his ticket and make him go back through qualifying school? Oh, that's right. He never had to slog his way through it in the first place. Unlike other American players, he was given a pass.
Being ranked so low, not even in the top 500, if Eldrick was a pro tennis player, he'd find himself served up as cannon fodder to a top seed in an early round of a tennis major.
Only Tiger, and only in golf, is allowed to keep getting away with this sham.
The truly amazing thing is his legions of loyal fans (the media) continue to bombard golf fans with every and any Tiger "update" they can dig up. See Tiger drive. See Tiger chip. See Tiger putt. See Tiger 15 strokes behind. And of course, there will inevitably be a Tiger interview. Reporters hang on his every word after yet another disastrous day on the course. Nowadays, pitifully, a cast of thousands consider a "tweet" from Tiger as having the same impact and importance as if Moses just came down from the mountain with another set of tablets. They can't wait for this stuff, no matter how trivial it is. Does anybody with a lick of self respect really care what he ate for breakfast or how his practice rounds went? If that's how dumb-downed and hero-worshiping so many people have become, mankind is in bigger trouble than we thought.
But I'll just bet you a nickel that, roughly a month from now, as the Masters approaches, the media will be circling their wagons to build the hype of Woods playing again at Augusta. Never mind he not only won't be a favorite, and the longest of long shots to win. Also never mind it would be miraculous if he even survived the cut after two rounds of play -- if he can even make it THAT far, without those pesky back spasms or some other mysterious malady forcing him off the course prematurely -- real or fabricated.
The trumpets will sound and the media will swarm all over Eldrick Tont Woods with their cameras and microphones.
Given his atrocious play (and what else should matter?) of late, it is absolutely confounding why so much attention continues to be payed to what appears to be a hopelessly washed up former great.
In that respect, he is one of a kind indeed.
But that doesn't make it right.......
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Brady's jersey and dumb ads
First, a word from our sponsors. They say -- You need life insurance.
My answer would be -- No, I don't. The people that stand to inherit it are the ones that really want me to get it. My question would be -- why should I pay into something for the rest of my life just so somebody else can get rich when I die? That's a dumb idea. No thanks. If they want money, get a job like I did.
So Tom Brady's Super Bowl jersey mysteriously came up missing, eh? Well, call in the FBI and put Homeland Security on red alert, this is major news. Oh wait, because the game was played in Houston, the Texas Rangers are already on it. You know it's a slow crime day in Texas when the Rangers have nothing better to do than look for something as trivial as a football jersey.
But who is the culprit indeed, and will they ever be apprehended? Sure, if they're dumb enough to put it on eBay any time soon. If they're smart, they'll sit on it for a while and keep quiet. At least until the statute of limitations runs out, however long that is. A few years maybe. By then it will likely have appreciated in value as well. But somebody will probably run his/her mouth (brag), the word will spread quickly (especially if a reward is offered -- and Brady can surely afford it), and presto, somebody will get busted. Maybe.
Interesting. Another ad apparently offers a sort of magical elixir that can do away with a double chin. Doing away with both of them probably wouldn't be such a good idea. NO chin would look pretty weird.
Of course, they offer the "before" and "after" photos of somebody who it has worked wonders for. In the on-screen scroll, we are told these photos have not been retouched. Stop right there.
RE-touched? In other words, they're in as much saying they've been photo-shopped once. And once is one time too many. So why would one believe any other claim they might make if they can't even be totally straight with the pix?
My answer would be -- No, I don't. The people that stand to inherit it are the ones that really want me to get it. My question would be -- why should I pay into something for the rest of my life just so somebody else can get rich when I die? That's a dumb idea. No thanks. If they want money, get a job like I did.
So Tom Brady's Super Bowl jersey mysteriously came up missing, eh? Well, call in the FBI and put Homeland Security on red alert, this is major news. Oh wait, because the game was played in Houston, the Texas Rangers are already on it. You know it's a slow crime day in Texas when the Rangers have nothing better to do than look for something as trivial as a football jersey.
But who is the culprit indeed, and will they ever be apprehended? Sure, if they're dumb enough to put it on eBay any time soon. If they're smart, they'll sit on it for a while and keep quiet. At least until the statute of limitations runs out, however long that is. A few years maybe. By then it will likely have appreciated in value as well. But somebody will probably run his/her mouth (brag), the word will spread quickly (especially if a reward is offered -- and Brady can surely afford it), and presto, somebody will get busted. Maybe.
Interesting. Another ad apparently offers a sort of magical elixir that can do away with a double chin. Doing away with both of them probably wouldn't be such a good idea. NO chin would look pretty weird.
Of course, they offer the "before" and "after" photos of somebody who it has worked wonders for. In the on-screen scroll, we are told these photos have not been retouched. Stop right there.
RE-touched? In other words, they're in as much saying they've been photo-shopped once. And once is one time too many. So why would one believe any other claim they might make if they can't even be totally straight with the pix?
Monday, February 6, 2017
A decidedly un-PC rant
It seems these days people are no longer allowed to criticize much of anything or anyone. In the politically correct world, one may heap praise, even if it's not deserved, but it's taboo to speak ill of someone, even if they so very much have it coming.
Well, to hell with that. Time for some righteous ripping and tearing.
Dramon Green, he of the Golden State Warriors, has been seen getting up into teammate Kevin Durant's face lately, chewing him out for one thing or another. If one were to pen an open letter to the good Mr. Green, it might go something like this ---
Dude.
Whattup with you dissing KD on the court? Yeah, you might be the alpha-male and all that, but a star you are not. The team already has three of those named Curry, Thompson, and your boy KD. Your job is to do the dirty work behind the scenes. Like rebounding, playing hard-nose defense, and getting the ball to the guys who can shoot a whole lot better than you can.
If you will remember, it's squarely your fault the Warriors missed out on a repeat championship last spring. How? Because you and they were ahead of Lebron and the Cavs 3-1 in the Finals, only to see it all get away from you. Why? Well, it has something to do with those thunderous kicks to the nether regions you kept giving white guys on the court. You can't keep booting opposing players in the nads and not expect to get penalized for it eventually. Poor Steven Adams of the Thunder is probably still looking for his. Due to your previous actions, you were on a short leash, bro. Didn't you get that? Then when you took a swipe at Lebron's (The KING, man) junk, even with your hand, and even if you missed, it was the last straw. So finally you did get punked and sat down for Game 5, which was in your own building. BECAUSE you weren't out there doing your part, your team got trashed, which gave the Cavs some momentum they wouldn't otherwise have had. Then you lost Game 6 in their building. Anything can happen in a Game 7, and it did. You and your boys went down. This, after a season where you set the all-time record for most wins. And then got chumped 3 games in a row, two of them in your own building when it mattered most? And all because you couldn't keep yourself from delivering seismic events to the groins of opposing players. So yeah, the whole thing's on YOU, fool. Whatchoo doing lipping off now to Kev? Shut up and know your place, or maybe you'll find yourself traded to some god-forsaken destination like Sacramento or Detroit. How would that feel? And don't tell me the team wouldn't do that because you're untradeable. Yours truly can recall when the Edmonton Oilers traded The Great One, Wayne Gretzky, once upon a time. If it could happen to him...... So get real and straighten up. Everybody's on the block if the price is right.
Best wishes
A fan, sorta
That's some kind of sorry commercial. You know, the one that shows His and Her talking heads Jemele Hill and Michael Smith doing a little boogeying. Tell ya what, Dancing With the Stars material they are definitely not. Unless, of course, they bill them as some sort of comic relief. Perhaps they could go by the name Taz and Spaz. Further, Smith sports a rather prominent ring on the fourth digit of his left hand. This typically tends to mean the man is married, and probably not to Jemele Hill, who doesn't wear a ring. Therefore, a wife is out there somewhere. Put yourself in her place. How much do you think she likes watching not only what is some sort of pitiful excuse for dancing, but Hill putting her hands all over her man and looking at him adoringly being shown coast to coast over and over again? Folks can get in serious trouble on the home front over stuff like this.
Yep, it was the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. All due praise to Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.
But it was also the worst collapse in Super Bowl history. Matt Ryan and the Atlanta Falcons should hang their heads in shame. How in the hell did they let it get away from them? After a fast start, they stunk. Choked liked little dogs on chicken bones. Blew it. Or as the inimitable Charles Barkley might say -- Turrible. Just turrible. Almost as bad as his golf swing.
Well now. That felt good, being un-PC for a day. Maybe next time I'll go back to being my usual cheerful upbeat self.
Or maybe not.
Well, to hell with that. Time for some righteous ripping and tearing.
Dramon Green, he of the Golden State Warriors, has been seen getting up into teammate Kevin Durant's face lately, chewing him out for one thing or another. If one were to pen an open letter to the good Mr. Green, it might go something like this ---
Dude.
Whattup with you dissing KD on the court? Yeah, you might be the alpha-male and all that, but a star you are not. The team already has three of those named Curry, Thompson, and your boy KD. Your job is to do the dirty work behind the scenes. Like rebounding, playing hard-nose defense, and getting the ball to the guys who can shoot a whole lot better than you can.
If you will remember, it's squarely your fault the Warriors missed out on a repeat championship last spring. How? Because you and they were ahead of Lebron and the Cavs 3-1 in the Finals, only to see it all get away from you. Why? Well, it has something to do with those thunderous kicks to the nether regions you kept giving white guys on the court. You can't keep booting opposing players in the nads and not expect to get penalized for it eventually. Poor Steven Adams of the Thunder is probably still looking for his. Due to your previous actions, you were on a short leash, bro. Didn't you get that? Then when you took a swipe at Lebron's (The KING, man) junk, even with your hand, and even if you missed, it was the last straw. So finally you did get punked and sat down for Game 5, which was in your own building. BECAUSE you weren't out there doing your part, your team got trashed, which gave the Cavs some momentum they wouldn't otherwise have had. Then you lost Game 6 in their building. Anything can happen in a Game 7, and it did. You and your boys went down. This, after a season where you set the all-time record for most wins. And then got chumped 3 games in a row, two of them in your own building when it mattered most? And all because you couldn't keep yourself from delivering seismic events to the groins of opposing players. So yeah, the whole thing's on YOU, fool. Whatchoo doing lipping off now to Kev? Shut up and know your place, or maybe you'll find yourself traded to some god-forsaken destination like Sacramento or Detroit. How would that feel? And don't tell me the team wouldn't do that because you're untradeable. Yours truly can recall when the Edmonton Oilers traded The Great One, Wayne Gretzky, once upon a time. If it could happen to him...... So get real and straighten up. Everybody's on the block if the price is right.
Best wishes
A fan, sorta
That's some kind of sorry commercial. You know, the one that shows His and Her talking heads Jemele Hill and Michael Smith doing a little boogeying. Tell ya what, Dancing With the Stars material they are definitely not. Unless, of course, they bill them as some sort of comic relief. Perhaps they could go by the name Taz and Spaz. Further, Smith sports a rather prominent ring on the fourth digit of his left hand. This typically tends to mean the man is married, and probably not to Jemele Hill, who doesn't wear a ring. Therefore, a wife is out there somewhere. Put yourself in her place. How much do you think she likes watching not only what is some sort of pitiful excuse for dancing, but Hill putting her hands all over her man and looking at him adoringly being shown coast to coast over and over again? Folks can get in serious trouble on the home front over stuff like this.
Yep, it was the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. All due praise to Tom Brady and the New England Patriots.
But it was also the worst collapse in Super Bowl history. Matt Ryan and the Atlanta Falcons should hang their heads in shame. How in the hell did they let it get away from them? After a fast start, they stunk. Choked liked little dogs on chicken bones. Blew it. Or as the inimitable Charles Barkley might say -- Turrible. Just turrible. Almost as bad as his golf swing.
Well now. That felt good, being un-PC for a day. Maybe next time I'll go back to being my usual cheerful upbeat self.
Or maybe not.
Sunday, February 5, 2017
The incredible Super Bowl
This wasn't supposed to happen. No way. But it did. The New England Patriots came roaring back to win Super Bowl LI. It will likely go down as one of the, if not THE best Super Bowl ever, the Atlanta Falcons and their fans notwithstanding.
For what seemed to be the longest time, the game had every appearance of a blow-out -- for Atlanta.
Rushing merely 4 guys with hardly a blitz in sight, the Falcons sacked Pats QB 5 times and knocked him down a dozen more.
New England couldn't run the ball against the Falcons.
Brady threw a "pick 6" and missed several wide open receivers along the way.
Good grief, New England's normally super-reliable place kicker, one Stephen Dostkowski, even missed an extra point.
And Atlanta seemed to have little trouble scoring after a sluggish start by both teams. They led 21-3 at one point and 28-9 at another. Up and down the field they marched -- for three quarters. Then WHAM, the door closed. They would not score again, and had to sit back and watch almost a sure victory slip away. Brutal.
Because somehow, some way, Brady, Bellichick and Co. found a way to come back and tie the game in regulation and win it on their first possession in overtime.
Once they got rolling, it was like the Pats were on a mission and wouldn't be denied. Either that, or the Falcons totally collapsed.
So then -- horrors!!! -- embattled NFL commissioner Roger Goodell had to do what he no doubt dreaded all year. Present the Vince Lombardi trophy to the "deflategate kid" and his fellow Patriots. Ouch.
Tom Brady now becomes the winningest Super Bowl quarterback ever with a total of five. And oh, BTW, another MVP award.
Life is good in New England.
Not so good in Atlanta.
Not so good here either. Yours truly was midway through a column ranting about how Atlanta had finally won something once again. The first time since way back in 1995 when one of their super-duper Atlanta Braves teams had finally managed to capture a World Series crown. Their NBA Atlanta Hawks have never won squat, and they lost their NHL team years ago. Finally, FINALLY, something to rejoice in Atlanta. The best thing since they brought back the original Coca-Cola after that disastrous experiment with "New Coke" that blew up in their faces. But all of that didn't work out so well either. Delete and start over time.
So with apologies to the Michigan Wolverines, hail, hail to the victors indeed. Love them or hate them, the New England Patriots have done it again.
And you have to admit, it was an astounding game.
An afterthought: Besides the Falcons and their supporters feeling crushed, there's another sizeable group of folks that might have it even worse. Consider those that placed wagers and bet on the Falcons to win. With the three point spread, they were ahead by 28 points at one time. No doubt, they were dancing, diddy-bopping, talking smack, and otherwise defecating in tall cotton. All was very cool and they likely couldn't wait to go collect from their bookies.
Then that pesky Tom Brady found his groove again and snatched it all away at the last second. Instead of having a C-note coming on a $100 bet and smiling at their book, they now owe him/her $110 and have to eat crow again. How bad do THEY feel?
Ah well, as they say, ya pays yer nickel and ya takes yer chances. Or something like that. Close enough.
For what seemed to be the longest time, the game had every appearance of a blow-out -- for Atlanta.
Rushing merely 4 guys with hardly a blitz in sight, the Falcons sacked Pats QB 5 times and knocked him down a dozen more.
New England couldn't run the ball against the Falcons.
Brady threw a "pick 6" and missed several wide open receivers along the way.
Good grief, New England's normally super-reliable place kicker, one Stephen Dostkowski, even missed an extra point.
And Atlanta seemed to have little trouble scoring after a sluggish start by both teams. They led 21-3 at one point and 28-9 at another. Up and down the field they marched -- for three quarters. Then WHAM, the door closed. They would not score again, and had to sit back and watch almost a sure victory slip away. Brutal.
Because somehow, some way, Brady, Bellichick and Co. found a way to come back and tie the game in regulation and win it on their first possession in overtime.
Once they got rolling, it was like the Pats were on a mission and wouldn't be denied. Either that, or the Falcons totally collapsed.
So then -- horrors!!! -- embattled NFL commissioner Roger Goodell had to do what he no doubt dreaded all year. Present the Vince Lombardi trophy to the "deflategate kid" and his fellow Patriots. Ouch.
Tom Brady now becomes the winningest Super Bowl quarterback ever with a total of five. And oh, BTW, another MVP award.
Life is good in New England.
Not so good in Atlanta.
Not so good here either. Yours truly was midway through a column ranting about how Atlanta had finally won something once again. The first time since way back in 1995 when one of their super-duper Atlanta Braves teams had finally managed to capture a World Series crown. Their NBA Atlanta Hawks have never won squat, and they lost their NHL team years ago. Finally, FINALLY, something to rejoice in Atlanta. The best thing since they brought back the original Coca-Cola after that disastrous experiment with "New Coke" that blew up in their faces. But all of that didn't work out so well either. Delete and start over time.
So with apologies to the Michigan Wolverines, hail, hail to the victors indeed. Love them or hate them, the New England Patriots have done it again.
And you have to admit, it was an astounding game.
An afterthought: Besides the Falcons and their supporters feeling crushed, there's another sizeable group of folks that might have it even worse. Consider those that placed wagers and bet on the Falcons to win. With the three point spread, they were ahead by 28 points at one time. No doubt, they were dancing, diddy-bopping, talking smack, and otherwise defecating in tall cotton. All was very cool and they likely couldn't wait to go collect from their bookies.
Then that pesky Tom Brady found his groove again and snatched it all away at the last second. Instead of having a C-note coming on a $100 bet and smiling at their book, they now owe him/her $110 and have to eat crow again. How bad do THEY feel?
Ah well, as they say, ya pays yer nickel and ya takes yer chances. Or something like that. Close enough.
Super Bowl numbers and a bonehead
According to the wise guys in Vegas, the New England Patriots were 3 point favorites to beat the Atlanta Falcons in Super Bowl 51, and the over/under (total points scored) was set at 58.5.
Of course, that can never work out exactly because there's no such thing as half a point in NFL football. But just for grins, yours truly will attempt to remember the Jethro Bodine math lessons of years past and do a little ciphering to see what actual numbers the bookies desired as a final result.
If X = Patriot points, then X-3 must be Atlanta points. And they have to add up to 58 and a half. If I have all my naughts in order, that comes out to a final score of New England 30.75 -- Atlanta 27.75.
Or rounding to the closest whole numbers, 31-28.
It is now halftime and Atlanta leads 21-3. Hmmm. Tom Brady better get his act in order in the second half to the tune of four touchdowns, and the so-far porous Patriot defense better tighten up and only allow a couple field goals in the second half. Could happen. But probably not. This just might be Atlanta's year to finally win something.
In the bonehead department, I proudly give you one Terrell Owens, former wide receiver supreme and big mouth to the max. He just got snubbed again in Hall of Fame voting. So what did he do? Kind of like a certain President, he immediately lashed out at anybody and everybody that questioned his worthiness.
Yep, TO went a bit ballistic on social media. He called the Hall of Fame itself a joke, and pretty much dissed those who cast such ballots as idiots. It's like he thought the election was rigged or something? Sound familiar? But wait, that other guy wound up winning, didn't he?
But bonehead that TO apparently remains, he somehow thinks trashing the very people that may or may not vote for him in the future must be a good idea. Well, good luck with that logic. Nothing like pissing off the electorate to get a few more votes. Did I mention bonehead?
Further, his message included a thank you to all his fans and supporters. Well then, what we need here is, appropriately enough, a TO -- time out. Or put another way, the dear Mr. Owens needs a serious reality check.
First of all, the man needs to realize he no longer actually plays football -- therefore he has no fans. And when it comes to supporters, well, if he had had a few, make that a lot more of those, he would have got elected this time around. His career stats are worthy of the Hall, but most continue to think of him as a jerk -- including the very people that decide whether or not he'll ever get into the HOF. Many of them would likely rather have him embalmed than enshrined.
Just to make sure I didn't forget, the dude's a bonehead. Maybe they need a Hall of Fame for just those sort of folks.
Lord knows there's no shortage of potential inductees these days......
Back to the second half.
If Brady, Belichick and Co. can pull this one out of some kind of hat to win yet another Super Bowl, there will be no doubt they're the greatest tag-team of all time.
Of course, that can never work out exactly because there's no such thing as half a point in NFL football. But just for grins, yours truly will attempt to remember the Jethro Bodine math lessons of years past and do a little ciphering to see what actual numbers the bookies desired as a final result.
If X = Patriot points, then X-3 must be Atlanta points. And they have to add up to 58 and a half. If I have all my naughts in order, that comes out to a final score of New England 30.75 -- Atlanta 27.75.
Or rounding to the closest whole numbers, 31-28.
It is now halftime and Atlanta leads 21-3. Hmmm. Tom Brady better get his act in order in the second half to the tune of four touchdowns, and the so-far porous Patriot defense better tighten up and only allow a couple field goals in the second half. Could happen. But probably not. This just might be Atlanta's year to finally win something.
In the bonehead department, I proudly give you one Terrell Owens, former wide receiver supreme and big mouth to the max. He just got snubbed again in Hall of Fame voting. So what did he do? Kind of like a certain President, he immediately lashed out at anybody and everybody that questioned his worthiness.
Yep, TO went a bit ballistic on social media. He called the Hall of Fame itself a joke, and pretty much dissed those who cast such ballots as idiots. It's like he thought the election was rigged or something? Sound familiar? But wait, that other guy wound up winning, didn't he?
But bonehead that TO apparently remains, he somehow thinks trashing the very people that may or may not vote for him in the future must be a good idea. Well, good luck with that logic. Nothing like pissing off the electorate to get a few more votes. Did I mention bonehead?
Further, his message included a thank you to all his fans and supporters. Well then, what we need here is, appropriately enough, a TO -- time out. Or put another way, the dear Mr. Owens needs a serious reality check.
First of all, the man needs to realize he no longer actually plays football -- therefore he has no fans. And when it comes to supporters, well, if he had had a few, make that a lot more of those, he would have got elected this time around. His career stats are worthy of the Hall, but most continue to think of him as a jerk -- including the very people that decide whether or not he'll ever get into the HOF. Many of them would likely rather have him embalmed than enshrined.
Just to make sure I didn't forget, the dude's a bonehead. Maybe they need a Hall of Fame for just those sort of folks.
Lord knows there's no shortage of potential inductees these days......
Back to the second half.
If Brady, Belichick and Co. can pull this one out of some kind of hat to win yet another Super Bowl, there will be no doubt they're the greatest tag-team of all time.
Saturday, February 4, 2017
The idiot test
Why have we always called them redheads when their hair is actually orange?
And to steal an old line from Gallagher -- I loved that guy and his Sledge-o-matic, why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? What genius came up with those definitions? Ah yes, the good old days. You want a cheeseburger to go? WHAM!! It's gone. Great stuff.
One is left to wonder about the current plight of Tiger Woods. Last week, he crashed, burned, and didn't come anyway near making the cut. This, at one of his favorite courses where he has enjoyed lots of success in years past. This week, he blew up to a 77 first round score in Abu Dhabi, or is that Kemo Sabe, who cares, another of his favorite haunts, and then withdrew citing "back spasms".
So here's some questions..... Was it live or was it Memorex? Remember those ads? Or put more properly, did Eldrick have a real physical ailment, or was he faking it to save himself further embarrassment? Thing is, does it even matter? His legions of die-hard groupies (and the media) can wish I may, wish I might all they want for a roaring comeback, but this guy's toast in the big league golf world. It's over. Get used to it. (See title of this post).
How -- somebody please tell me how -- can there be 32 NHL teams and well over halfway through the regular season, only 3 have below .500 records? Could it be the insane scoring system where teams get points for losses?
Perhaps this is the result of political correctness fever gone a bit too far. After all, nobody can be "losers" these days. It might hurt their precious feelings.
On that note, did you know you were a hero? Of course you are, because everybody's a hero any more. Certainly all personnel in the armed forces. It doesn't matter if some schmuck has been peeling potatoes at a base in Boonyville USA for the last few years. By gum, that dude's a hero and will probably get a medal for bravery. After all, he could have nicked one of his fingers in the line of duty -- right?
Medals and awards are given out like candy when it's Halloween every day, 365. Movie and TV personalities hand out accolades to each other left and right. So does the media, all for just doing their jobs. The former make a living pretending they're someone else, while the latter talks or writes about someone else. This is award worthy?
So here's another question? How come the likes of plumbers and electricians don't get some of that kind of love? If your toilet won't stop running or the lights keep flickering, who are you going to call? Ben Affleck? Oprah? The NY Times or CNN? Good luck with that. If anybody deserves a medal, it's that dude or dudette that shows up at your door and charges you maybe a couple hundred bucks to bail you out when something went horribly wrong. Not some high-falootin egomaniac making millions every year spouting off in one way the other, while accomplishing nothing.
The Detroit Pistons continue to be underwhelming. In the pre-PC world, one might have said they suck, slugging it out for last place in their division. But the feel good people would have us know the Pistons are within reach of the playoffs. Well gee, that's great. Just one problem. Even if they make it there, they'll be a 7 or 8 seed. And for that, they'll get the dubious honor of being blown out 4 games in a row by the like of the Cleveland Cavs or Boston Celts in the first round.
Yet by making the playoffs, the Pistons eliminate themselves from getting a "lottery pick" in next year's draft -- someone who could possibly be a difference maker -- or at least a start.
This probably shouldn't be so surprising when one considers that the Pistons have a head coach, who supposedly reports to not one, but two general managers, who in turn report to the president, who is the same person as the head coach. If that's not the most idiotic management structure professional sports has ever seen, yours truly is hard pressed to think of one that tops it on the dumb-o-meter. And this is the same franchise whose new owner poured some $10 million into upgrading an already paid for and world class arena the team has long played in -- only to move them out of town and share a building with another team. Say what?
But when it comes to idiot tests, there can be but one clincher. The Detroit Lions will raise ticket prices again. Well, of COURSE they will. Why would they dare, one might ask, when they haven't won squat in over half a century?
That's because even the bumbling Ford family that has owned them all this time has enough sense to know the sappies will continue to believe next year will be THE year. For exactly what, none seem to quite know for sure, certainly not the Super Bowl -- cough, gag, guffaw -- but it sounds good, right?
Yep, P.T. Barnum nailed it. Not only is there one born every minute, but in Motown they pass it on from generation to generation.
And the hits, or is that twits, just keep on coming.
Alas....
And to steal an old line from Gallagher -- I loved that guy and his Sledge-o-matic, why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? What genius came up with those definitions? Ah yes, the good old days. You want a cheeseburger to go? WHAM!! It's gone. Great stuff.
One is left to wonder about the current plight of Tiger Woods. Last week, he crashed, burned, and didn't come anyway near making the cut. This, at one of his favorite courses where he has enjoyed lots of success in years past. This week, he blew up to a 77 first round score in Abu Dhabi, or is that Kemo Sabe, who cares, another of his favorite haunts, and then withdrew citing "back spasms".
So here's some questions..... Was it live or was it Memorex? Remember those ads? Or put more properly, did Eldrick have a real physical ailment, or was he faking it to save himself further embarrassment? Thing is, does it even matter? His legions of die-hard groupies (and the media) can wish I may, wish I might all they want for a roaring comeback, but this guy's toast in the big league golf world. It's over. Get used to it. (See title of this post).
How -- somebody please tell me how -- can there be 32 NHL teams and well over halfway through the regular season, only 3 have below .500 records? Could it be the insane scoring system where teams get points for losses?
Perhaps this is the result of political correctness fever gone a bit too far. After all, nobody can be "losers" these days. It might hurt their precious feelings.
On that note, did you know you were a hero? Of course you are, because everybody's a hero any more. Certainly all personnel in the armed forces. It doesn't matter if some schmuck has been peeling potatoes at a base in Boonyville USA for the last few years. By gum, that dude's a hero and will probably get a medal for bravery. After all, he could have nicked one of his fingers in the line of duty -- right?
Medals and awards are given out like candy when it's Halloween every day, 365. Movie and TV personalities hand out accolades to each other left and right. So does the media, all for just doing their jobs. The former make a living pretending they're someone else, while the latter talks or writes about someone else. This is award worthy?
So here's another question? How come the likes of plumbers and electricians don't get some of that kind of love? If your toilet won't stop running or the lights keep flickering, who are you going to call? Ben Affleck? Oprah? The NY Times or CNN? Good luck with that. If anybody deserves a medal, it's that dude or dudette that shows up at your door and charges you maybe a couple hundred bucks to bail you out when something went horribly wrong. Not some high-falootin egomaniac making millions every year spouting off in one way the other, while accomplishing nothing.
The Detroit Pistons continue to be underwhelming. In the pre-PC world, one might have said they suck, slugging it out for last place in their division. But the feel good people would have us know the Pistons are within reach of the playoffs. Well gee, that's great. Just one problem. Even if they make it there, they'll be a 7 or 8 seed. And for that, they'll get the dubious honor of being blown out 4 games in a row by the like of the Cleveland Cavs or Boston Celts in the first round.
Yet by making the playoffs, the Pistons eliminate themselves from getting a "lottery pick" in next year's draft -- someone who could possibly be a difference maker -- or at least a start.
This probably shouldn't be so surprising when one considers that the Pistons have a head coach, who supposedly reports to not one, but two general managers, who in turn report to the president, who is the same person as the head coach. If that's not the most idiotic management structure professional sports has ever seen, yours truly is hard pressed to think of one that tops it on the dumb-o-meter. And this is the same franchise whose new owner poured some $10 million into upgrading an already paid for and world class arena the team has long played in -- only to move them out of town and share a building with another team. Say what?
But when it comes to idiot tests, there can be but one clincher. The Detroit Lions will raise ticket prices again. Well, of COURSE they will. Why would they dare, one might ask, when they haven't won squat in over half a century?
That's because even the bumbling Ford family that has owned them all this time has enough sense to know the sappies will continue to believe next year will be THE year. For exactly what, none seem to quite know for sure, certainly not the Super Bowl -- cough, gag, guffaw -- but it sounds good, right?
Yep, P.T. Barnum nailed it. Not only is there one born every minute, but in Motown they pass it on from generation to generation.
And the hits, or is that twits, just keep on coming.
Alas....
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