True, in today's ever-politically correct world, which I continue to regard with more and more disdain by the day, there is no such thing as a bald person.
How can that be?
They are merely "follicly challenged".
That also means mankind has evolved to the point where there are no more short, fat, or stupid people.
See altitudinal, calorical, and functioning neuron challenges.
Well, guess what? If, as an adult, you stand four foot five, weigh 300 pounds, don't have a hair on your head, and possess an IQ of, say, 60, you're short, fat, bald, and stupid.
So there. It is what it is, and yours truly will never shy away from stating the obvious.
Nevertheless, this article is about how bald people are taking over the world of sports. They're everywhere these days.
ESPN is a big culprit in hiring so many.
Late night watchers can tune into Scott Van Pelt's "Sportscenter" wrap up show. Him and partner "Stanford Steve" Coughlin are both chrome domes.
"Pardon the interruption" features Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon. Nary a hair in sight.
Ryen Russillo, SVP's former partner on a radio/TV simulcast, shaves his head, what little hair is left up top.
J. A. Adande, a former reporter, talking head, and lately pursuing academic interests -- oops -- make that teaching -- this PC thing gets to me every once in a while -- has about as much hair as your average billiards eight ball.
Same with Kevin Blackistone. Full beard, but SOL on top as well.
Want to check in with a panel of "experts" regarding NBA action?
Go to TNT, and see the foursome of Shaq, Kenny, Ernie, and Chuck.
But put on your shades, because the light reflecting off their collective marble heads can be blinding.
Maybe it's a sign of age and yours truly is way behind the times. Yet I can remember when having hair, long hair at that, on both males and females, was considered to be cool. Or is "cool" an outdated word as well?
And yes, in recent years, just like my dad, and his dad before him, I have started to develop a bald spot on the back of my head also. It's not like I wanted it, but heredity kicking in. Hell of it is, I used to have quite a long pony tail. Maybe I just burned out those follicles over time. I don't much care about the bald spot because I never see it, and whacking off that tail a few years back definitely resulted in a much lower maintenance hair thing. Less shampoo, no need for a blow dryer, and twirling all those hair ties (rubber bands) a few times every day got to be annoying after a while. Shower, towel it off, a few strokes with a brush, and I'm good to go. No muss, no fuss, just like the commercials.
But I'm not about to shave my head either. Why would I want to do that?
Just so I'd have to shave it again every day to keep the bald look? That sounds like a whole lot of work. Shaving my face and neck (though I do have a mustache and am experimenting with a goatee for the first time) are hassle enough. But my whole head? That's nuts.
Like most everything else I suppose the old adages of "different strokes" and "to each their own" still apply.
If you were destined to be bald via heredity or somehow managed to dip your head in a vat of acid along the way killing off your follicles, OK, I get that.
But I'll never understand why so many people, men and an ever scary growing number of women, think the cue ball look is the way to go.
I recently walked into a new barbershop for a haircut, my old standby having retired. The barber himself was bald, so I was a bit leery and went to a different joint. People in the business of hair care should not be bald. Period. It sends a bad message.
I mean, c'mon, would you put your faith in an eye doctor that was blind? A hearing specialist that was deaf? A financial adviser that had recently gone bankrupt?
So on to the next barbershop I went. Upon entering, I quickly noticed the barber was a female. And BALD!! Forget leery, I literally RAN out of there.
What is going on here? Has the whole world gone stark, raving, cue ball mad?
If this trend keeps on -- will it be mandatory that EVERYBODY has to shave their head? I'm guessing that wouldn't be such good news for those folks in the business of the vast array of hair products though, granted, disposable and electric razors would fly off the shelves.
I dunno. Maybe it's just another one of those fads that, hopefully, will pass. America seems to have gone from hippies to zippies, when it comes to hair.
And I don't have to like it.
Take that, PC police. As far as I'm concerned, that's always stood for Purely Cowardly, or Punk City anyway.
Thursday, January 4, 2018
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
The Bonehead Files
As NFL fans know, there are currently six teams looking for a new head coach. Detroit, Chicago, NY (Giants), Indianapolis, Oakland, and Arizona.
Five of these openings came from firings, because the previous head coach had underachieved in the eyes of management, and in the case of Arizona, a resignation.
As for Oakland, former head coach Jon Gruden appears to be a lock for that job. Let's not forget Gruden coached them once before, years ago, and was relatively successful. Then the genius, or utter madness, of the late Raider owner Al Davis kicked in. In an astounding move, he traded Gruden for a couple first and second round draft picks, a hefty package, to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Where Gruden promptly won a Super Bowl in his first year there, and the Raiders haven't much been any good since.
Bad move, Raider Nation. REALLY bad move.
The usual good-ole-boy coaching carousel is spinning round and round again, and who will land where remains to be seen.
Yet it seems obvious two franchises have more than earned their way into the Bonehead Files.
Those would be the Cleveland Browns and the Cincinnati Bengals. (The Lions have been long-time inductees and the Bears edge closer to the threshold of eligibility every year.)
In Cleveland, head coach Hue Jackson has been on the job for two years. His record? A jaw-dropping 1-31.
And this guy wasn't fired? SAY WHAT???
Put another way, he would have to go 10-6, a pretty decent regular season record, that is usually good enough to make the playoffs -- for a whopping EIGHT years in a row to only get back to .500.
What can they possibly be thinking in Cleveland? Or are they even capable of any rational thought?
Bonehead #2.
The Cincinnati Bengals.
Head coach Marvin Lewis has been on the job for an incredible FIFTEEN years, never got remotely close to being a Super Bowl contender, and his team remained lousy again this year.
Any sane front office and/or owner would have broomed this incompetent clown YEARS ago.
Yet what did the Bengals just do?
Signed him to a two year contract extension for millions and millions more dollars.
SAY WHAT????
Have they gone stark raving mad in Cincinnati?
It's like the Browns and Bengals WANT to lose.
That whole Russia/Trump/collusion affair being led by former FBI chief Mueller is one thing.
What the NFL and its fans need is for a special prosecutor to be appointed to investigate THESE guys.
But for now, being slam dunk inductees to the Bonehead Files will have to be sufficient.
And oh boy. They've merited the, ahem, honor in spades.
WHATZAMATTUH with these people?
Are they just......that...... dumb?
Five of these openings came from firings, because the previous head coach had underachieved in the eyes of management, and in the case of Arizona, a resignation.
As for Oakland, former head coach Jon Gruden appears to be a lock for that job. Let's not forget Gruden coached them once before, years ago, and was relatively successful. Then the genius, or utter madness, of the late Raider owner Al Davis kicked in. In an astounding move, he traded Gruden for a couple first and second round draft picks, a hefty package, to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Where Gruden promptly won a Super Bowl in his first year there, and the Raiders haven't much been any good since.
Bad move, Raider Nation. REALLY bad move.
The usual good-ole-boy coaching carousel is spinning round and round again, and who will land where remains to be seen.
Yet it seems obvious two franchises have more than earned their way into the Bonehead Files.
Those would be the Cleveland Browns and the Cincinnati Bengals. (The Lions have been long-time inductees and the Bears edge closer to the threshold of eligibility every year.)
In Cleveland, head coach Hue Jackson has been on the job for two years. His record? A jaw-dropping 1-31.
And this guy wasn't fired? SAY WHAT???
Put another way, he would have to go 10-6, a pretty decent regular season record, that is usually good enough to make the playoffs -- for a whopping EIGHT years in a row to only get back to .500.
What can they possibly be thinking in Cleveland? Or are they even capable of any rational thought?
Bonehead #2.
The Cincinnati Bengals.
Head coach Marvin Lewis has been on the job for an incredible FIFTEEN years, never got remotely close to being a Super Bowl contender, and his team remained lousy again this year.
Any sane front office and/or owner would have broomed this incompetent clown YEARS ago.
Yet what did the Bengals just do?
Signed him to a two year contract extension for millions and millions more dollars.
SAY WHAT????
Have they gone stark raving mad in Cincinnati?
It's like the Browns and Bengals WANT to lose.
That whole Russia/Trump/collusion affair being led by former FBI chief Mueller is one thing.
What the NFL and its fans need is for a special prosecutor to be appointed to investigate THESE guys.
But for now, being slam dunk inductees to the Bonehead Files will have to be sufficient.
And oh boy. They've merited the, ahem, honor in spades.
WHATZAMATTUH with these people?
Are they just......that...... dumb?
The NFL coaching carousel
As usual, several head coaching jobs around the NFL have opened up after the regular season was concluded.
At last count, the Chicago Bears, Arizona Cardinals, Indy Colts, NY Giants, Oakland (soon to be Las Vegas) Raiders, and the Detroit Lions are on the hunt for their next field general.
Jon Gruden, who has a long NFL pedigree and a Super Bowl win under his belt, and who no sane person would doubt knows football through and through, appears to be a lock for the Raiders job.
Quarterback Carson Palmer of the Cardinals recently announced his retirement after a 15 year career and got out with plenty of dough and his mind and body still allegedly intact. Good for him. The Bears are still terrible, Indy was in nowhere land without Andrew Luck, and Eli's days appear numbered in New Jersey.
But for the purposes of this post, let's zero in on the Detroit Lions' head coaching job.
They are said to be courting New England Patriots' defensive coordinator Matt Patricia. That raises an interesting question. Why, pray tell, would he want to go to Detroit, and report to a boss -- general manager Bob Quinn, that as a mere scout for the Patriots was his subordinate? The very same Bob Quinn that has botched his first two drafts with the Lions, let free agents go while signing others to replace them for more money and less talent, and made the incredibly boneheaded move of re-upping head coach Jim Caldwell for a few more years of making guaranteed millions when it was blatantly apparent Caldwell wasn't a capable head coach in the first place and would have to be fired soon -- which he just was? True, Patricia could tap into major Ford bucks. That family's been sappy for years, decades. But Detroit is where head coaches have historically gone to die. Breathe enough of that atmosphere, get fired eventually, and nobody will interested in them. They're tainted. No former Lions's head coach has EVER caught on with another team in the same capacity. After over a half century, and a long list of coaches, this can hardly be considered a fluke. While Heather Prynne of literary fame will forever wear her scarlet letter "A" for adulteress, Lions' head coaches are doomed to their own letter "L" for losers. It just goes with the territory. Always has.
All the above named teams are said to be interviewing a variety of potential head coaches. Some were former head coaches, others coordinators at successful programs, and even Gruden who been in the TV broadcast booth for the last several years. Round and round they go. Who will hire who remains to be seen.
Lots of teams have expressed interest in a few guys. One way or the other, most of them will have a choice as to which team they want to go to.
And then there's Teryl Austin, the defensive coordinator under Jim Caldwell, for the Lions. Dear TA, most likely largely due to the infamous, but not working well Rooney Rule, which mandates a team interview at least one "minority" candidate for any head coaching or general manager job, has had several such interviews in the past. But no takers.
Further, it doesn't appear that with all these openings around the league, anybody is much interested in him this time around either. Let's just say he's not on anybody's short list of can't miss prospects.
But never fear, Teryl has thrown his hat into the ring to take his former boss Caldwell's job with the Lions. Well, of course he has.
Thing is, were the Lions to hire him as such, they would be eating the same fruit that grew on the Caldwell tree. Why, pray tell, would an organization replace a failure as a high level manager with a protege that supposedly learned under his tutelage? Does that make any sense?
So yes, while several available quality prospects lurk around the league and teams try to cull through them to find the best fits for their organization -- always a crap shoot to be sure -- the potential coach gets a say in this as well.
It's not like if a franchise offers him a head coaching job he just HAS to accept it. In some cases, it might be wiser to stay put, even at a much lower salary, until a "good" opportunity opens up. The same carousel will no doubt be put in motion after the 2018 season. Heads of "underachieving" teams will roll, because that's just the way it works.
Here's a prediction. The Detroit Lions will dilly-dally as they always have, as the potential "difference makers" are swooped up by other teams.
In the end, there's no way they're going to get a guy like Patricia.
Much more likely, they'll hire Teryl Austin, the only guy that no other teams seem to be interested in. The very same disciple of the head coach they just fired.
Because that's just how they roll.
Always have.
And if I'm wrong about that, unlike most like other "know-it-all" pundits, my very first order of business will be to issue a public apology via this venue for getting it wrong.
In a way, I hope I AM wrong. Apologizing would be easy.
The Lions' fans having to live with a guy Austin as their head coach for the next few years would be much tougher on them.
At last count, the Chicago Bears, Arizona Cardinals, Indy Colts, NY Giants, Oakland (soon to be Las Vegas) Raiders, and the Detroit Lions are on the hunt for their next field general.
Jon Gruden, who has a long NFL pedigree and a Super Bowl win under his belt, and who no sane person would doubt knows football through and through, appears to be a lock for the Raiders job.
Quarterback Carson Palmer of the Cardinals recently announced his retirement after a 15 year career and got out with plenty of dough and his mind and body still allegedly intact. Good for him. The Bears are still terrible, Indy was in nowhere land without Andrew Luck, and Eli's days appear numbered in New Jersey.
But for the purposes of this post, let's zero in on the Detroit Lions' head coaching job.
They are said to be courting New England Patriots' defensive coordinator Matt Patricia. That raises an interesting question. Why, pray tell, would he want to go to Detroit, and report to a boss -- general manager Bob Quinn, that as a mere scout for the Patriots was his subordinate? The very same Bob Quinn that has botched his first two drafts with the Lions, let free agents go while signing others to replace them for more money and less talent, and made the incredibly boneheaded move of re-upping head coach Jim Caldwell for a few more years of making guaranteed millions when it was blatantly apparent Caldwell wasn't a capable head coach in the first place and would have to be fired soon -- which he just was? True, Patricia could tap into major Ford bucks. That family's been sappy for years, decades. But Detroit is where head coaches have historically gone to die. Breathe enough of that atmosphere, get fired eventually, and nobody will interested in them. They're tainted. No former Lions's head coach has EVER caught on with another team in the same capacity. After over a half century, and a long list of coaches, this can hardly be considered a fluke. While Heather Prynne of literary fame will forever wear her scarlet letter "A" for adulteress, Lions' head coaches are doomed to their own letter "L" for losers. It just goes with the territory. Always has.
All the above named teams are said to be interviewing a variety of potential head coaches. Some were former head coaches, others coordinators at successful programs, and even Gruden who been in the TV broadcast booth for the last several years. Round and round they go. Who will hire who remains to be seen.
Lots of teams have expressed interest in a few guys. One way or the other, most of them will have a choice as to which team they want to go to.
And then there's Teryl Austin, the defensive coordinator under Jim Caldwell, for the Lions. Dear TA, most likely largely due to the infamous, but not working well Rooney Rule, which mandates a team interview at least one "minority" candidate for any head coaching or general manager job, has had several such interviews in the past. But no takers.
Further, it doesn't appear that with all these openings around the league, anybody is much interested in him this time around either. Let's just say he's not on anybody's short list of can't miss prospects.
But never fear, Teryl has thrown his hat into the ring to take his former boss Caldwell's job with the Lions. Well, of course he has.
Thing is, were the Lions to hire him as such, they would be eating the same fruit that grew on the Caldwell tree. Why, pray tell, would an organization replace a failure as a high level manager with a protege that supposedly learned under his tutelage? Does that make any sense?
So yes, while several available quality prospects lurk around the league and teams try to cull through them to find the best fits for their organization -- always a crap shoot to be sure -- the potential coach gets a say in this as well.
It's not like if a franchise offers him a head coaching job he just HAS to accept it. In some cases, it might be wiser to stay put, even at a much lower salary, until a "good" opportunity opens up. The same carousel will no doubt be put in motion after the 2018 season. Heads of "underachieving" teams will roll, because that's just the way it works.
Here's a prediction. The Detroit Lions will dilly-dally as they always have, as the potential "difference makers" are swooped up by other teams.
In the end, there's no way they're going to get a guy like Patricia.
Much more likely, they'll hire Teryl Austin, the only guy that no other teams seem to be interested in. The very same disciple of the head coach they just fired.
Because that's just how they roll.
Always have.
And if I'm wrong about that, unlike most like other "know-it-all" pundits, my very first order of business will be to issue a public apology via this venue for getting it wrong.
In a way, I hope I AM wrong. Apologizing would be easy.
The Lions' fans having to live with a guy Austin as their head coach for the next few years would be much tougher on them.
Monday, January 1, 2018
Sports Illustrated picks. LOL, again
For supposedly doing all the deep research, having reams of data and analyses at their disposal, and a panel of "experts" to evaluate same, Sports Illustrated sure seems to get it wrong a lot.
In this year's college football playoff for the national championship, the boneheads have struck again.
In the Rose Bowl, and how the hell did two teams like Georgia and Oklahoma wind up in what has long been a venue for the best of the Big Ten (or fourteen) to square off against the best of the Pac Ten (or twelve)?
Nevertheless, to their credit, they got it right. Though SI had Georgia winning 38-37, the Dawgs did indeed prevail 54-48 over the Sooners, in double overtime. Close enough. #3 beat #2 in a nail-biter.
Yet this is where the long tradition of SI prognostications being laughable once again comes into play.
They had #1 Clemson edging #4 Alabama by a score of 27-24.
They got half of it right.
The Crimson Tide did indeed score 24 points.
The problem? They were off by a whopping 21 points, as in three touchdowns worth -- a bunch -- when it came to Clemson. The Tigers could only manage a measly 6 points for the entire game. Bama spanked Clemson 24-6.
That, of course, makes their prediction for the championship game moot, and a bit laughable. The geniuses at SI had Clemson repeating as national champions by defeating Georgia 21-19.
So next Monday night, Georgia and Alabama will square off for all the proverbial marbles.
I have wondered why my next issue of SI seems to be a bit late coming. Perhaps they're holding it back until they saw the results of the semi-finals. Or maybe it will show up in tomorrow or the next day's mail when, at press time, they still didn't know the results of those semis.
One thing's for sure. They'll never eat any crow over getting yet ANOTHER one wrong. Oh no, they're still gloating over how they predicted the Houston Astros would become World Series champions soon way back in 2014. Something about a blind squirrel and an acorn comes to mind.
But yours truly has a not so bold prediction.
Alabama's going to kill Georgia. By a bunch.
Men against boys. Mentor Sabin against former disciple Smart.
And I don't like Alabama (or Nick the prick) one bit. In fact, I root against them. Always have and always will.
But this a no-brainer.
Not even SI could get this one wrong.
Maybe.
In this year's college football playoff for the national championship, the boneheads have struck again.
In the Rose Bowl, and how the hell did two teams like Georgia and Oklahoma wind up in what has long been a venue for the best of the Big Ten (or fourteen) to square off against the best of the Pac Ten (or twelve)?
Nevertheless, to their credit, they got it right. Though SI had Georgia winning 38-37, the Dawgs did indeed prevail 54-48 over the Sooners, in double overtime. Close enough. #3 beat #2 in a nail-biter.
Yet this is where the long tradition of SI prognostications being laughable once again comes into play.
They had #1 Clemson edging #4 Alabama by a score of 27-24.
They got half of it right.
The Crimson Tide did indeed score 24 points.
The problem? They were off by a whopping 21 points, as in three touchdowns worth -- a bunch -- when it came to Clemson. The Tigers could only manage a measly 6 points for the entire game. Bama spanked Clemson 24-6.
That, of course, makes their prediction for the championship game moot, and a bit laughable. The geniuses at SI had Clemson repeating as national champions by defeating Georgia 21-19.
So next Monday night, Georgia and Alabama will square off for all the proverbial marbles.
I have wondered why my next issue of SI seems to be a bit late coming. Perhaps they're holding it back until they saw the results of the semi-finals. Or maybe it will show up in tomorrow or the next day's mail when, at press time, they still didn't know the results of those semis.
One thing's for sure. They'll never eat any crow over getting yet ANOTHER one wrong. Oh no, they're still gloating over how they predicted the Houston Astros would become World Series champions soon way back in 2014. Something about a blind squirrel and an acorn comes to mind.
But yours truly has a not so bold prediction.
Alabama's going to kill Georgia. By a bunch.
Men against boys. Mentor Sabin against former disciple Smart.
And I don't like Alabama (or Nick the prick) one bit. In fact, I root against them. Always have and always will.
But this a no-brainer.
Not even SI could get this one wrong.
Maybe.
Detroit Lions fire Jim Caldwell
This is something that never should have happened.
Before anyone jumps to a premature conclusion, thinking this author is advocating Caldwell should have stayed on as the head coach of the Lions, let me clear that up.
They couldn't be more wrong.
The reason it never should have happened is because Caldwell never should have been hired as the Lions' head coach in the first place. If he was never hired, it wouldn't have come to the inevitable firing. And yes, it was long overdue.
Way back in 2008 Caldwell inherited a very good Indianapolis Colts team from his predecessor Tony Dungy. A franchise on the rise. True enough, Caldwell would go 14-2 in his first year there with the bed of roses he had fallen into.
But within two years, he had run the franchise into the ground, posting a 2-14 record. Hence, he was rightfully fired.
Only the Detroit Lions and the "infinite wisdom" of the Ford family ownership could see an upside to this guy, so of course they hired him as THEIR head coach.
As has long been proven over the years, even decades, Detroit is where head football coaches go to die. Sure, they make a lot of money, many millions, and are pretty much financially set for life. But they're never going to win anything, because that same history, well over a half century worth, seems to be a curse of some sort. Either that, or they botch draft choices, free-agent signings, trades, and game plans and field management. If there's a way to somehow screw it up before the season is over, one can rest assured the Lions will find it. Because this is.... just.... what....they....do. Always have.
Caldwell can't be too sad about it. After all, though his contract details are a "secret" -- the only head coach in the NFL to somehow enjoy such "classified" status, it is generally known the same bumbling Ford family is on the hook to pay him, in full, for at least one more year. So basically, he'll make a few more millions of dollars for doing absolutely nothing. Bet you wish you had a job, or severance package like that.
Now the search is on to find Caldwell's replacement.
Naturally, the existing defensive coordinator of the Lions, one Teryl Austin, has thrown his hat in the ring.
It is also rumored the Lions are very much interested in New England Patriots' DC Matt Patricia.
So let's see. TA was a Caldwell hire in the first place, and the defenses he has contrived over his tenure have been woefully porous. Meanwhile, MP has presided over one of stingiest defenses in the entire league while with the Patriots.
So who will the Lions probably hire? Austin, of course. The same wacky Ford logic will likely prevail. If you're going to run a loser out of town, then why not promote one of his proteges to the same job? It really is comical, and has long been so.
And there's no guarantee Patricia would even be interested in going to Detroit, even though he'd no doubt be showered with much more money as a head coach than he's recently made as a defensive coordinator. When the inevitable purge of head coaches happens during the next few weeks, a guy like him will certainly have much better and more promising destinations to choose from. Going to Detroit is basically a death sentence.
Over all those same decades, no former head coach, NOT ONE, of the Lions has ever been offered the same job elsewhere in the league. Yes, a few have caught on as coordinators, but never the head guy. That statistic is rather telling.
Leave it to Detroit's version of the Georgia Peach, quarterback Matthew Stafford, to add his two cents worth upon hearing the news of Caldwell getting the boot.
Dear Matthew wants current offensive coordinator Jim Bob Cooter to be retained by whoever takes over. Of course Jim Bob replaced former OC Joe Lombardi, also an original Caldwell hire. Evidently, Lombardi was clueless and Jim Bob is a bit better calling the offensive plays, though oftentimes one is left to wonder just what he could have possibly been thinking with some of the boneheaded strategies he has so often deployed during his short time.
Of course, this is the same Matthew Stafford that was just rewarded with an absolutely ludicrous contract that made him the highest paid player in the entire NFL. This, for a guy with a career losing record that has never won a single playoff game. Seven million MORE per season than Tom Brady? REALLY? What sort of madness is afoot in Motown?
And it's also the same guy that, while getting filthy rich, didn't have brains enough to check out the free agent market that would have beckoned. A few, certainly not all teams would likely have been interested in his services. And probably at least a couple that had a realistic chance of competing for a Super Bowl in the next few years. But no. He basically signed his useful football life away to the forever sad-sack Lions. Would making a few million less per year , say 20 instead of 27, even after taxes, really hurt him that much in the wallet? Any sane person can't possibly spend all that money anyway, and that's not even counting the mega-bucks Stafford surely has coming in from his multiple endorsements. What he did was concede any chance of ever being a champion. Maybe it's something in the air in Detroit, or the offices of the stadium, that make otherwise rational individuals start behaving like idiots.
Nevertheless, Jim Caldwell is gone. Just one more blotch on the long sorry history of the Detroit Lions.
The list of incompetents, from office personnel, down to head coaches, coordinators, and pretty much everybody else is long indeed when it comes to the Lions.
Will they get Matt Patricia? Not if he has any brains.
And last time I looked, the New England franchise was light years ahead of the one in Detroit in that particular department. Always has been.
Patrica need only take a page from his former workmate Bob Quinn. He was only a scout for the Patriots, but the Lions, again in their infinite wisdom, decided to make him their General Manager.
And once he arrived in Detroit, Quinn has pretty much botched everything since. The same old story. Make a lot of Ford bucks. And the brain drain quickly sets in.
For some reason, everybody seems to get a terminal case of stupid when they go to work for the Lions.
Go figure.
Before anyone jumps to a premature conclusion, thinking this author is advocating Caldwell should have stayed on as the head coach of the Lions, let me clear that up.
They couldn't be more wrong.
The reason it never should have happened is because Caldwell never should have been hired as the Lions' head coach in the first place. If he was never hired, it wouldn't have come to the inevitable firing. And yes, it was long overdue.
Way back in 2008 Caldwell inherited a very good Indianapolis Colts team from his predecessor Tony Dungy. A franchise on the rise. True enough, Caldwell would go 14-2 in his first year there with the bed of roses he had fallen into.
But within two years, he had run the franchise into the ground, posting a 2-14 record. Hence, he was rightfully fired.
Only the Detroit Lions and the "infinite wisdom" of the Ford family ownership could see an upside to this guy, so of course they hired him as THEIR head coach.
As has long been proven over the years, even decades, Detroit is where head football coaches go to die. Sure, they make a lot of money, many millions, and are pretty much financially set for life. But they're never going to win anything, because that same history, well over a half century worth, seems to be a curse of some sort. Either that, or they botch draft choices, free-agent signings, trades, and game plans and field management. If there's a way to somehow screw it up before the season is over, one can rest assured the Lions will find it. Because this is.... just.... what....they....do. Always have.
Caldwell can't be too sad about it. After all, though his contract details are a "secret" -- the only head coach in the NFL to somehow enjoy such "classified" status, it is generally known the same bumbling Ford family is on the hook to pay him, in full, for at least one more year. So basically, he'll make a few more millions of dollars for doing absolutely nothing. Bet you wish you had a job, or severance package like that.
Now the search is on to find Caldwell's replacement.
Naturally, the existing defensive coordinator of the Lions, one Teryl Austin, has thrown his hat in the ring.
It is also rumored the Lions are very much interested in New England Patriots' DC Matt Patricia.
So let's see. TA was a Caldwell hire in the first place, and the defenses he has contrived over his tenure have been woefully porous. Meanwhile, MP has presided over one of stingiest defenses in the entire league while with the Patriots.
So who will the Lions probably hire? Austin, of course. The same wacky Ford logic will likely prevail. If you're going to run a loser out of town, then why not promote one of his proteges to the same job? It really is comical, and has long been so.
And there's no guarantee Patricia would even be interested in going to Detroit, even though he'd no doubt be showered with much more money as a head coach than he's recently made as a defensive coordinator. When the inevitable purge of head coaches happens during the next few weeks, a guy like him will certainly have much better and more promising destinations to choose from. Going to Detroit is basically a death sentence.
Over all those same decades, no former head coach, NOT ONE, of the Lions has ever been offered the same job elsewhere in the league. Yes, a few have caught on as coordinators, but never the head guy. That statistic is rather telling.
Leave it to Detroit's version of the Georgia Peach, quarterback Matthew Stafford, to add his two cents worth upon hearing the news of Caldwell getting the boot.
Dear Matthew wants current offensive coordinator Jim Bob Cooter to be retained by whoever takes over. Of course Jim Bob replaced former OC Joe Lombardi, also an original Caldwell hire. Evidently, Lombardi was clueless and Jim Bob is a bit better calling the offensive plays, though oftentimes one is left to wonder just what he could have possibly been thinking with some of the boneheaded strategies he has so often deployed during his short time.
Of course, this is the same Matthew Stafford that was just rewarded with an absolutely ludicrous contract that made him the highest paid player in the entire NFL. This, for a guy with a career losing record that has never won a single playoff game. Seven million MORE per season than Tom Brady? REALLY? What sort of madness is afoot in Motown?
And it's also the same guy that, while getting filthy rich, didn't have brains enough to check out the free agent market that would have beckoned. A few, certainly not all teams would likely have been interested in his services. And probably at least a couple that had a realistic chance of competing for a Super Bowl in the next few years. But no. He basically signed his useful football life away to the forever sad-sack Lions. Would making a few million less per year , say 20 instead of 27, even after taxes, really hurt him that much in the wallet? Any sane person can't possibly spend all that money anyway, and that's not even counting the mega-bucks Stafford surely has coming in from his multiple endorsements. What he did was concede any chance of ever being a champion. Maybe it's something in the air in Detroit, or the offices of the stadium, that make otherwise rational individuals start behaving like idiots.
Nevertheless, Jim Caldwell is gone. Just one more blotch on the long sorry history of the Detroit Lions.
The list of incompetents, from office personnel, down to head coaches, coordinators, and pretty much everybody else is long indeed when it comes to the Lions.
Will they get Matt Patricia? Not if he has any brains.
And last time I looked, the New England franchise was light years ahead of the one in Detroit in that particular department. Always has been.
Patrica need only take a page from his former workmate Bob Quinn. He was only a scout for the Patriots, but the Lions, again in their infinite wisdom, decided to make him their General Manager.
And once he arrived in Detroit, Quinn has pretty much botched everything since. The same old story. Make a lot of Ford bucks. And the brain drain quickly sets in.
For some reason, everybody seems to get a terminal case of stupid when they go to work for the Lions.
Go figure.
All boo Michigan. Chumps
In the Outback, Outhouse, whatever Bowl, which featured many ads flaunting blooming onions -- or blooming idiots, whatever again, the Michigan Wolverines had the South Carolina Gamecocks right there they wanted them.
Having SC down 19-3 well into the third quarter. UM appeared well on its way to coasting to an easy victory.
And then the wheels fell off.
A Michigan fumble that led to a quick South Carolina touchdown.
Then another which resulted in the same thing.
The UM seemed to shake it off and was driving for a touchdown themselves, until their QB threw a bonehead pass into the end zone that resulted in a SC interception. End of brief momentum.
After stopping SC in their ensuing drive, the UM punt returner botched the catch deep in his own territory, fumble city, which was quickly recovered by SC to result in yet another score.
Instead of being up 19-3, Michigan had choked and quickly given up 23 unanswered points to find itself behind in a game they had well in hand just a few minutes prior.
Murphy's Law -- or total incompetence -- had come thundering down on the heads of the Maize in Blue.
The SC team was going through them like you know what (it rhymes with "twit") through a goose, or more appropriately Gamecock.
And this colossal melt down happened as Michigan was the last Big Ten (actually 14) team to play in a bowl game this year. Eight out of the fourteen teams had qualified for post-season action, and the prior seven had already won their bowl games. All UM had to do was knock off SC (and they were slightly more than a touchdown favorite to do so) to complete the conference sweep, which would have been the first of its kind in history.
But no.
They just had to choke it away.
If Central Florida should be hailed as "national champs" (see previous post), then Michigan should also be hailed as "national chumps".
"Hail to the victors" they have long claimed in their fight song?
Hah.
Here is what would seem to be a relevant question....
Just when, exactly, was the last time this program won anything remotely significant?
They can't beat either of their main rivals any more -- Michigan State and Ohio State.
For all the attention and kudos head coach Jim Harbaugh continues to receive, he really hasn't accomplished much with what is supposed to be an "elite" program.
So yes, though it might seem harsh, Michigan has earned the right to be booed and thought of as chumps.
Having SC down 19-3 well into the third quarter. UM appeared well on its way to coasting to an easy victory.
And then the wheels fell off.
A Michigan fumble that led to a quick South Carolina touchdown.
Then another which resulted in the same thing.
The UM seemed to shake it off and was driving for a touchdown themselves, until their QB threw a bonehead pass into the end zone that resulted in a SC interception. End of brief momentum.
After stopping SC in their ensuing drive, the UM punt returner botched the catch deep in his own territory, fumble city, which was quickly recovered by SC to result in yet another score.
Instead of being up 19-3, Michigan had choked and quickly given up 23 unanswered points to find itself behind in a game they had well in hand just a few minutes prior.
Murphy's Law -- or total incompetence -- had come thundering down on the heads of the Maize in Blue.
The SC team was going through them like you know what (it rhymes with "twit") through a goose, or more appropriately Gamecock.
And this colossal melt down happened as Michigan was the last Big Ten (actually 14) team to play in a bowl game this year. Eight out of the fourteen teams had qualified for post-season action, and the prior seven had already won their bowl games. All UM had to do was knock off SC (and they were slightly more than a touchdown favorite to do so) to complete the conference sweep, which would have been the first of its kind in history.
But no.
They just had to choke it away.
If Central Florida should be hailed as "national champs" (see previous post), then Michigan should also be hailed as "national chumps".
"Hail to the victors" they have long claimed in their fight song?
Hah.
Here is what would seem to be a relevant question....
Just when, exactly, was the last time this program won anything remotely significant?
They can't beat either of their main rivals any more -- Michigan State and Ohio State.
For all the attention and kudos head coach Jim Harbaugh continues to receive, he really hasn't accomplished much with what is supposed to be an "elite" program.
So yes, though it might seem harsh, Michigan has earned the right to be booed and thought of as chumps.
All hail Central Florida -- Champs
If I'm the University of Central Florida, I'm having a whole bunch of banners made up proclaiming our team is the 2017 NCAA Division I football champions.
I'm going to hang them not only all over Spectrum Stadium, where the team plays its home games, but everywhere else on campus as well. In the dorms, the cafeteria, the lecture halls, the library, student and teacher lounges, the gym, and anyplace else I see fit.
Not only that, I'm going to distribute them all over Orlando, our home town, so the locals can proudly fly them from houses, businesses, apartments, condos, the post office, police and fire stations, and even Disney World not far away.
Why would I do that? Because regardless of what the pundits and pollsters claim, our team is the true national champions of football this year.
After all, we were the only one to go undefeated throughout the entire season. A perfect 13-0.
And I don't want to hear any nonsense about how we played lesser competition than some of the "big boys". We just knocked off Auburn, in convincing fashion no less, in the Peach Bowl. Though the difference was only a touchdown, our team was clearly superior throughout. Yes, the very same Auburn team that not long ago defeated not one, but two #1 ranked teams at the time in Alabama and Georgia.
No matter which team emerges from the 4-way pseudo-championship series (Bama, Clemson, Georgia, or Oklahoma), they will have suffered at least one loss along the way, and perhaps even two.
We went unbeaten and untied all year. Period.
It might just be the NCAA itself would protest us flying such banners when we weren't officially dubbed champions. But that's their problem. What are they going to do? Sue us? Put us on probation? Good luck with that and bring it on if they must.
We're proudly going to display such banners every which way regardless.
It remains obvious that the pollsters (and TV people) wanted to bury us so we couldn't possibly rise to the level of getting a fair shot at playing for the championship. How else to explain they would never even let us crack the Top Ten, let alone get one of the four invites to the Big Dance? We went into this Peach Bowl as only #12 in the country. Given our record, how could that be remotely fair?
And here's the thing. Between the above-mentioned Tide, Dawgs, Tigers, and Sooners, three of them are going to lose -- AGAIN -- before this shooting match is all over.
When all is said and done, let the eventual so-called champion gets its trophy and celebrate. But if we don't wind up at least #2 in the national polls, then something is horribly wrong and you know the fix was in all along.
However, in the interest of fairness and getting along, we might be open to a compromise. If the final polls show us as #2 in the country, we'll still going to fly those banners all over the stadium, campus, and town proclaiming ourselves the rightful national champions. But we'll put an asterisk on them.
As the man used to say on the infamous game show -- Deal, or No Deal?
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