This just in: North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong Un has had his #2 executed for acting the wrong way and saying dumb things? And the dude was his own uncle? Wow. Methinks Joe Biden under appreciates just how lucky he is to be the veep in the US, instead of North Korea. There's a big difference between running on a ticket, and having that ticket punched later by the head man in a final sort of way, when he deems his underling to be a nuisance. But enough about that. Onward.
Sometimes, when it comes to the Detroit Lions, it gets to be downright comical. Yeah, the team itself still provides a few yuks here and there with some of their bone-headed antics, but I'm referring more to those that continue to be the snake-oil salespeople peddling their Honolulu blue and silver magic tonic. No matter what ails the team, or more specifically Lions' fans for that matter, keep swigging their miracle elixir and you'll feel better in the morning. Step right up and drop a few more house payments cheering your team on. The kids will be OK without college and ramen noodles aren't so bad after a while. But no matter what, keep believing the glass is eternally half full and will overflow any year now. Yes, I'm talking about some of the Lions' local scribes.
They seem to be kind of like stereotypical used car salespeople. They'll offer you a vehicle that's been all spiffed up and looks great. What they won't tell you is underneath the Turtle wax, the motor and tranny have more mileage on them than your average Kardashian, the brakes are iffy, front wheels out of alignment, and sometimes various things such as the power steering/brakes/windows and heater/AC work -- and sometimes they don't. But they'll sell it to you anyway, while padding their own pockets. I understand local scribes following any team have a job to do, and it's no doubt in their best interest to put a positive spin on things. Start ripping the home team, and they might find some of the "inner access" doors that were once open to them -- have been mysteriously closed. I get that.
But still, what price should be put on objectivity? After all, telling it like it is should be their prime mission. Then again, perhaps some of these people actually believe in what they write and say. A couple years ago, some had the belief and temerity to suggest the Lions were upwardly mobile, and a Super Bowl was in sight in the near future. The lemmings were quick to line up on the cliff again. Of course the Lions promptly did yet another of their age-old death-spirals to go 4-12 last year, quickly quashing such Pollyanna-esque folly.
So here's what I consider to be an interesting question: How do you think such scribes and talking heads would fare if they were hooked up to a polygraph and asked some pointed questions about just how good they think the Lions REALLY are? Lie-detectors aren't admissable evidence, you say? True enough. But consider this -- they've been around since at least the 1950s, before computers, smart phones, the internet, space flight, etc. Given the leaps and bounds made in the technology of all that -- how reliable do you think polygraphs are these days? Folks have been quietly improving that sort of technology as well too, you know. Trust me, the modern versions are deathly accurate. Nobody beats them any more. The only reason they aren't put in play is because a lot of lawyers would find themselves as obsolete as rotary phones and 8-track tape players. And we couldn't have that now, could we?
Nevertheless, I can think of a few local Lions' media folks that I would dearly love to see wired up to see how they fared when asked if they really believed in what they've been preaching about that team over the years.
If they passed the test -- let them write and talk on.
But if they were proven to be liars, having knowingly misled so many gullible fans for so many years, then they have failed to properly execute their sworn journalistic, much less ethical duties.
Their punishment? Send them over to North Korea to interview for a job in the "sports ministry" with Dennis Rodman's buddy.
Now THAT'S a man that takes proper execution seriously.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Detroit Tigers. Prohibitive favorites?
You gotta hand it to Tigers' Prez and GM Dave Dombrowski. Lately, he's been pretty shrewd in filling some needs for the pizza man's ball club.
Signing free agent closer Joe Nathan was quite a coup. Few would doubt the closer role for the Tigers has pretty much been a clusterXXXX in recent years. See former manager Jim Leyland summon his closer flavor of the month, or week, or day, to protect a slim lead. See Tiger fans close their eyes and say a prayer. Not exactly the best scenario. If Nathan still has the same stuff he used to, never a guarantee, this was a very smart move.
Shedding the salary cap/dismal playoff performance albatross that Prince Fielder had become for the likes of Ian Kinsler was a no-brainer. Kinsler might well be the best all-around 2nd baseman in the league not named Robinson Cano, though Dustin Pedroia might take issue with that. At any rate, Kinsler does everything fairly well, including adding a little much needed speed to the Tiger line-up. Another nice move by DD. Though one is left to wonder -- what could they possibly be thinking down in Texas to agree to this deal? Oil wells, rodeos, bimbos, and a couple ex-Presidents only go so far. Earth to Nolan Ryan. Detroit thanks you, but are you nuts?
Then again, it was the same DD that put a serious dent in the pizza man's wallet when he signed the albatross to a ridiculous long-term contract to begin with. That resulted in Miguel Cabrera being made a 3rd baseman, because Fielder couldn't play any other position besides first. Cabrera at third base might be summed up by a boxing analogy of yore. Still hit like Mike Tyson. But defensively, more like Roberto Duran. Hands of stone. But hey, nobody gets them all right.
Just recently, the D man signed free agent outfielder Rajai Davis to help plug another hole -- left field. No disrespect to Andy Dirks, but he was sporadic with his play, and had a hard time staying healthy to boot. At 33, Davis is no youngster, and he's certainly been around the block a few times, having had stints with Pittsburgh, San Fran, Oakland, and recently in Toronto. Hitting-wise, he's no big deal, with a career average of .268. But he fields his position very well and, more importantly, brings even more speed into the Tigers' line-up. While not exactly Lou Brock or Rickey Henderson, Davis stole a very respectable 45 bases last year. That was 10 more than all the rest of the Tigers had -- combined. In 2013, the Tigers could hit, and they had a pretty decent starting pitching staff. But when it came to speed on the basepaths -- oftentimes a difference maker in a close game -- the Tigers more closely resembled molasses in the Yukon.
A couple closing thoughts......
So far, it appears Dombrowski, which is exactly the same name a former flame of mine would refer to me as when I did something dumb (which was often, but go figure), has made all the right moves to better the Tigers as a ball club.
Because as close as the Tigers were last year, they should be much better in 2014. "Prohibitive favorites" is a term that really doesn't apply to major league baseball. When the playoffs start, any team can beat another in a 5 or 7 game series. But if there's a "better" team going into 2014 than the Tigers, yours truly is at a loss as to who they are.
Secondly, given these transactions, I'm thinking somewhere Jim Leyland is also reflecting on whether he should have stuck around for just one more year. It was there for the taking -- but he quit. And how do you think the Marlboro Man will feel if a former back-up catcher and rookie manager (Brad Ausmus) winds up leading the Tigers to their first World Series championship in 30 years?
Arrgh. If the press thought Leyland was a tough interview before, good luck with the ornery old coot if THAT happens.
Signing free agent closer Joe Nathan was quite a coup. Few would doubt the closer role for the Tigers has pretty much been a clusterXXXX in recent years. See former manager Jim Leyland summon his closer flavor of the month, or week, or day, to protect a slim lead. See Tiger fans close their eyes and say a prayer. Not exactly the best scenario. If Nathan still has the same stuff he used to, never a guarantee, this was a very smart move.
Shedding the salary cap/dismal playoff performance albatross that Prince Fielder had become for the likes of Ian Kinsler was a no-brainer. Kinsler might well be the best all-around 2nd baseman in the league not named Robinson Cano, though Dustin Pedroia might take issue with that. At any rate, Kinsler does everything fairly well, including adding a little much needed speed to the Tiger line-up. Another nice move by DD. Though one is left to wonder -- what could they possibly be thinking down in Texas to agree to this deal? Oil wells, rodeos, bimbos, and a couple ex-Presidents only go so far. Earth to Nolan Ryan. Detroit thanks you, but are you nuts?
Then again, it was the same DD that put a serious dent in the pizza man's wallet when he signed the albatross to a ridiculous long-term contract to begin with. That resulted in Miguel Cabrera being made a 3rd baseman, because Fielder couldn't play any other position besides first. Cabrera at third base might be summed up by a boxing analogy of yore. Still hit like Mike Tyson. But defensively, more like Roberto Duran. Hands of stone. But hey, nobody gets them all right.
Just recently, the D man signed free agent outfielder Rajai Davis to help plug another hole -- left field. No disrespect to Andy Dirks, but he was sporadic with his play, and had a hard time staying healthy to boot. At 33, Davis is no youngster, and he's certainly been around the block a few times, having had stints with Pittsburgh, San Fran, Oakland, and recently in Toronto. Hitting-wise, he's no big deal, with a career average of .268. But he fields his position very well and, more importantly, brings even more speed into the Tigers' line-up. While not exactly Lou Brock or Rickey Henderson, Davis stole a very respectable 45 bases last year. That was 10 more than all the rest of the Tigers had -- combined. In 2013, the Tigers could hit, and they had a pretty decent starting pitching staff. But when it came to speed on the basepaths -- oftentimes a difference maker in a close game -- the Tigers more closely resembled molasses in the Yukon.
A couple closing thoughts......
So far, it appears Dombrowski, which is exactly the same name a former flame of mine would refer to me as when I did something dumb (which was often, but go figure), has made all the right moves to better the Tigers as a ball club.
Because as close as the Tigers were last year, they should be much better in 2014. "Prohibitive favorites" is a term that really doesn't apply to major league baseball. When the playoffs start, any team can beat another in a 5 or 7 game series. But if there's a "better" team going into 2014 than the Tigers, yours truly is at a loss as to who they are.
Secondly, given these transactions, I'm thinking somewhere Jim Leyland is also reflecting on whether he should have stuck around for just one more year. It was there for the taking -- but he quit. And how do you think the Marlboro Man will feel if a former back-up catcher and rookie manager (Brad Ausmus) winds up leading the Tigers to their first World Series championship in 30 years?
Arrgh. If the press thought Leyland was a tough interview before, good luck with the ornery old coot if THAT happens.
Why the Detroit Lions can't win
Following up on the last post, some think the Ford ownership of the Lions is somehow responsible for their losing ways over the last half century. The time frame certainly fits, but does anybody really believe that some sort of curse is involved? A commenter suggested that because the original Henry Ford was allegedly anti-Semitic, the team would be forever doomed to failure.
That's as good as any theory yours truly can come up with to explain so many decades of ongoing futility -- but I'm not sure I buy it. After all, old Henry passed away in April of 1947, and his grandson William Clay Ford wouldn't purchase the team until 16 and a half years later, in November of 1963. Henry knew about assembly lines and painting cars black, but never has it been suggested (to my knowledge) he had the slightest inkling about, or interest in professional football. What we now know as the mighty NFL was in it's infancy back then.
Odd fact: Strangely enough, William Clay Ford purchased a controlling interest in the Lions on the exact same day former President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas. Make of that what you will.
On to the modern day Lions. Much fanfare has been made (at least in the Detroit area) over quarterback Matthew Stafford throwing for 5000 yards and receiver Calvin (Megatron) Johnson racking up 2000 receiving yards during the course of a season. But you know what? It doesn't matter.
Stafford and Johnson can rack up all the personal gaudy stats they want year after year, and they might well get them into the Hall of Fame someday -- but as a team, the Lions are nowhere close to being Super Bowl caliber. Never have been, and don't look to be any year soon.
Here's a fair question for Lions' fans: Consider Dan Marino. As the long-time QB of the Miami Dolphins -- a Hall of Famer himself -- Marino set all kinds of NFL passing records. But he never won a Super Bowl. Do you think Stafford is currently better than he was? If you answer yes, yours truly would disagree.
Thing is, to run the gaunlet of the playoffs and win a Super Bowl takes a whole lot more than a hot-shot QB, one receiver, and a couple defensive linemen that flip back and forth between making good plays and gooning it up with stupid penalties.
And let's get real. What else do the Lions really have going for them? A retooled offensive line, with a loud-mouthed career loser anchoring it. Reggie Bush was a nice addition to their running game, until one considers they didn't HAVE a running game until he showed up. At that, it's understandable the Saints would let him walk, because they've become a good team and didn't need him anymore -- but the Dolphins? While being heralded as some sort of savior in Detroit, Bush is still fumble and injury prone, and quite likely wouldn't even make the roster of many other NFL teams.
Besides Calvin Johnson, the rest of the Lions' receiver corps isn't even mediocre. Nate Burleson, in the twilight of his career, likes to yap to the press, but he can't stay healthy either. They have a feature tight end that still can't catch (Pettigrew), and another rookie (Fauria) that thought he became some sort of rock star with a dancing routine after making his first touchdown catch. Please.
The linebacking corps is a bunch of guys nobody ever heard of, and the patchwork secondary, which can't seem to stay healthy either, isn't exactly noted for their cover abilities on opposing receivers. When they aren't committing stupid penalties themselves -- they routinely get burned for big plays.
True, it's the NFL and any team can beat any other on any given game day. The Lions still think they let one get away in Pittsburgh a while back. Pittsburgh fans would say their Steelers won it fair and square. The Lions nipped the Cowboys on the final play of the game with a surprise quarterback sneak. Lions fans would say they drove the field and luck had nothing to do with it. Cowboys fans no doubt still think they had the game in the bag and, but for a quirk of fate, should have won it. It all depends who's looking at it.
The Lions are capable of going on the road and beating a very good team. But they're also capable of getting beat by a bad team in their own back yard. Remember Tampa Bay a couple weeks back?
The Lions depend WAY too much on the Matthew to Calvin show. Mostly Calvin. Any QB could heave it in his direction, and chances are good the Megatron will find a way to catch it. But when that's taken away, like it was in Philadelphia, due to inclement weather, the Lions all of a sudden become decidedly not-so-good. Johnson had 3 catches for 49 yards in that game. The Lions lost by two touchdowns. Had it not been for a punt and kickoff returned for touchdowns -- in 6-8 inches of snow -- by a Lion player nobody had heard of before either, they could easily have been walloped by 30 points in the City of Brotherly Love.
But in the NFL, a win is a win, and a loss is a loss. It doesn't matter whether they were by 1 point or 30, or even if they were "lucky". Stuff happens every week. Sometimes the unexpected, both ways.
Until it gets to be playoff time. Sure, occasionally upsets even happen then. Who would have guessed the Baltimore Ravens would go into Denver and beat Peyton Manning and his Broncos last year on their way to winning the Super Bowl?
But for the most part, the playoffs have a way of of exposing the pretenders while the solidly built teams march on.
And the Lions are not solidly built. They may well indeed win the woeful NFC north, largely due to the fact that a guy named Aaron Rodgers suffered a broken collar bone a few weeks back. Like the Lions depend on Calvin, the Packers are nowhere without Rodgers.
But the Super Bowl for the Lions? Forget that. It ain't gonna happen. Right now they're just about smack dab mediocre when it comes to the NFC. A few teams worse, but a few teams a lot better too.
Even if they back into the playoffs, does any Lion fan really think their team can go into New Orleans, San Fran, or even the upstart Carolina Panthers -- and win? And if it comes to Seattle, they might as well save the jet fuel and other expenses by staying home. A forfeit might be a first in the NFL, but what's the point in travelling all the way across the country to a slaugherhouse? That would get seriously ugly.
So hey, Lions fans. Enjoy the koolaid high while it lasts, but brace yourselves for the inevitable crash. Because it's going to happen -- and down deep you already know that. Your team may be capable of occasional flashes of brilliance, but from the head coach on down to the last guy on the special teams depth chart -- they're also capable of being bone heads.
Ah heck. It's just another year. After so many, what's one more on top of the pile? Like the commenter I cited above said -- maybe old Henry was anti-Semitic and somehow his bloodline was cursed. Or maybe there was a second shooter in Dallas. Beats me. Some things we will likely never know for sure.
But when I was a little boy, I do seem to have a recollection of my grandpa saying he always wanted a red car when he was a young man himself -- but that dastardly Henry Ford only offered them in one color -- black.
Nowadays, his heirs have seemed to only offer their football team in one variety as well.
Losers.
That's as good as any theory yours truly can come up with to explain so many decades of ongoing futility -- but I'm not sure I buy it. After all, old Henry passed away in April of 1947, and his grandson William Clay Ford wouldn't purchase the team until 16 and a half years later, in November of 1963. Henry knew about assembly lines and painting cars black, but never has it been suggested (to my knowledge) he had the slightest inkling about, or interest in professional football. What we now know as the mighty NFL was in it's infancy back then.
Odd fact: Strangely enough, William Clay Ford purchased a controlling interest in the Lions on the exact same day former President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas. Make of that what you will.
On to the modern day Lions. Much fanfare has been made (at least in the Detroit area) over quarterback Matthew Stafford throwing for 5000 yards and receiver Calvin (Megatron) Johnson racking up 2000 receiving yards during the course of a season. But you know what? It doesn't matter.
Stafford and Johnson can rack up all the personal gaudy stats they want year after year, and they might well get them into the Hall of Fame someday -- but as a team, the Lions are nowhere close to being Super Bowl caliber. Never have been, and don't look to be any year soon.
Here's a fair question for Lions' fans: Consider Dan Marino. As the long-time QB of the Miami Dolphins -- a Hall of Famer himself -- Marino set all kinds of NFL passing records. But he never won a Super Bowl. Do you think Stafford is currently better than he was? If you answer yes, yours truly would disagree.
Thing is, to run the gaunlet of the playoffs and win a Super Bowl takes a whole lot more than a hot-shot QB, one receiver, and a couple defensive linemen that flip back and forth between making good plays and gooning it up with stupid penalties.
And let's get real. What else do the Lions really have going for them? A retooled offensive line, with a loud-mouthed career loser anchoring it. Reggie Bush was a nice addition to their running game, until one considers they didn't HAVE a running game until he showed up. At that, it's understandable the Saints would let him walk, because they've become a good team and didn't need him anymore -- but the Dolphins? While being heralded as some sort of savior in Detroit, Bush is still fumble and injury prone, and quite likely wouldn't even make the roster of many other NFL teams.
Besides Calvin Johnson, the rest of the Lions' receiver corps isn't even mediocre. Nate Burleson, in the twilight of his career, likes to yap to the press, but he can't stay healthy either. They have a feature tight end that still can't catch (Pettigrew), and another rookie (Fauria) that thought he became some sort of rock star with a dancing routine after making his first touchdown catch. Please.
The linebacking corps is a bunch of guys nobody ever heard of, and the patchwork secondary, which can't seem to stay healthy either, isn't exactly noted for their cover abilities on opposing receivers. When they aren't committing stupid penalties themselves -- they routinely get burned for big plays.
True, it's the NFL and any team can beat any other on any given game day. The Lions still think they let one get away in Pittsburgh a while back. Pittsburgh fans would say their Steelers won it fair and square. The Lions nipped the Cowboys on the final play of the game with a surprise quarterback sneak. Lions fans would say they drove the field and luck had nothing to do with it. Cowboys fans no doubt still think they had the game in the bag and, but for a quirk of fate, should have won it. It all depends who's looking at it.
The Lions are capable of going on the road and beating a very good team. But they're also capable of getting beat by a bad team in their own back yard. Remember Tampa Bay a couple weeks back?
The Lions depend WAY too much on the Matthew to Calvin show. Mostly Calvin. Any QB could heave it in his direction, and chances are good the Megatron will find a way to catch it. But when that's taken away, like it was in Philadelphia, due to inclement weather, the Lions all of a sudden become decidedly not-so-good. Johnson had 3 catches for 49 yards in that game. The Lions lost by two touchdowns. Had it not been for a punt and kickoff returned for touchdowns -- in 6-8 inches of snow -- by a Lion player nobody had heard of before either, they could easily have been walloped by 30 points in the City of Brotherly Love.
But in the NFL, a win is a win, and a loss is a loss. It doesn't matter whether they were by 1 point or 30, or even if they were "lucky". Stuff happens every week. Sometimes the unexpected, both ways.
Until it gets to be playoff time. Sure, occasionally upsets even happen then. Who would have guessed the Baltimore Ravens would go into Denver and beat Peyton Manning and his Broncos last year on their way to winning the Super Bowl?
But for the most part, the playoffs have a way of of exposing the pretenders while the solidly built teams march on.
And the Lions are not solidly built. They may well indeed win the woeful NFC north, largely due to the fact that a guy named Aaron Rodgers suffered a broken collar bone a few weeks back. Like the Lions depend on Calvin, the Packers are nowhere without Rodgers.
But the Super Bowl for the Lions? Forget that. It ain't gonna happen. Right now they're just about smack dab mediocre when it comes to the NFC. A few teams worse, but a few teams a lot better too.
Even if they back into the playoffs, does any Lion fan really think their team can go into New Orleans, San Fran, or even the upstart Carolina Panthers -- and win? And if it comes to Seattle, they might as well save the jet fuel and other expenses by staying home. A forfeit might be a first in the NFL, but what's the point in travelling all the way across the country to a slaugherhouse? That would get seriously ugly.
So hey, Lions fans. Enjoy the koolaid high while it lasts, but brace yourselves for the inevitable crash. Because it's going to happen -- and down deep you already know that. Your team may be capable of occasional flashes of brilliance, but from the head coach on down to the last guy on the special teams depth chart -- they're also capable of being bone heads.
Ah heck. It's just another year. After so many, what's one more on top of the pile? Like the commenter I cited above said -- maybe old Henry was anti-Semitic and somehow his bloodline was cursed. Or maybe there was a second shooter in Dallas. Beats me. Some things we will likely never know for sure.
But when I was a little boy, I do seem to have a recollection of my grandpa saying he always wanted a red car when he was a young man himself -- but that dastardly Henry Ford only offered them in one color -- black.
Nowadays, his heirs have seemed to only offer their football team in one variety as well.
Losers.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Detroit Lions. The beat goes on
No disrespect intended, but I had to laugh after the snow bowl game in Philly. Particularly when I read a certain noted columnist looking for a reason -- any reason -- for Detroit Lions' fans not to start screaming HERE WE GO AGAIN. Too much koolaid, but that seems to have long been the norm amongst Lions' fans, and their local scribes that report on them. Once addicted, there are few that kick the habit. Yours truly was one of the fortunate ones.
Why the Lions have bumbled their way through the NFL for the last half century remains a mystery indeed. Some might call them a "storied" franchise. No doubt they are. (Umpteen million stories have been written about them over the years.) So are the Chicago Cubs. For that matter, lets include the Washington Generals, the age-old foil of the Harlem Globetrotters. One can always count on the Cubs, Generals, and Lions to find a way to ultimately lose in the end. Like the sun sets in the west, or my ex would find a way to criticize me -- one way or the other -- it's going to happen before the day is done. Count on it.
Of course, there are those that think the Globetrotter/General games were scripted. These are the same fools that still maintain the outcome of professional wrestling matches was predetermined before world-class athletes such as Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant ever climbed into the ring. Sacrilege, I tell ya. Off with the heads of such infidels.
Playing a different sport notwithstanding, between the Lions and Cubs, there are similarities and differences. The Cubs haven't won a World Series since Ty Cobb was in his hey-day, or roughly about the same time yours truly last got "lucky". Yet they continue to be known as lovable losers. Like Sara Lee, nobody doesn't like the Cubs.
The Lions, on the other hand, have never even been to a Super Bowl, much less won it. Outside of the Detroit area, they've never enjoyed the same huggy, toasty, feel good no matter what treatment that the Cubs have. In fact, the Honolulu blue and silver puddy-tats are often held up as objects of ridicule. Amongst others, late night talk show hosts have teed off on them for decades. Much like the crowds once roared at such places as Tiger Stadium, the Pontiac Silverdome, and currently Ford Field, the studio audiences and millions of viewers at home also roar. But for a different reason. Laughter. To be sure, there's nothing lovable about a few of the current Lions' players, that have become known for cheap shots here and there. And their head coach likely doesn't have a future in international diplomacy himself. Let's just say the Lions aren't exactly helping their own cause when it comes to public perception.
But half a century of futility, sometimes bordering on the absurd, would seem to be way too much for coincidence. How can it be that one team can be that bad for that long?
Some have suggested it's the ownership of the Ford family. The time line fits, and the Fords have always been "hands-off" owners, delegating running the football team to others they deemed more knowledgeable. Sure, there's been umpteen generations of players, head coaches and their staffs, and even the "front office" personnel has undergone a few turnovers, but nothing seems to change. Could it be that the Fords will own the Lions in perpetuity, which seems likely, but have been cursed by Divine decree for their team to forever remain in purgatory? Well, there was the Pinto and the Edsel, and that bit about exploding tires a while back, but c'mon. Methinks the Big Guy upstairs wouldn't hold that against them for THIS long.
Yet, with the Lions, like Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say -- it's always something. If there's a way to screw it up -- they'll find it. Hey, I've got 50 years worth of stats to back me up on this.
Oops. Gotta go. One of my yorkies just threw up on the bed. Not good. And he's not even a Lions' fan, far as I know know. Or maybe he is. Come to think of it, he was watching me type this for a while, then ran off and vomited. Huh. Funny, or maybe not why those things happen. But I gotta make sure the little rascal is OK and clean up the mess anyway. Following up next time......
Why the Lions have bumbled their way through the NFL for the last half century remains a mystery indeed. Some might call them a "storied" franchise. No doubt they are. (Umpteen million stories have been written about them over the years.) So are the Chicago Cubs. For that matter, lets include the Washington Generals, the age-old foil of the Harlem Globetrotters. One can always count on the Cubs, Generals, and Lions to find a way to ultimately lose in the end. Like the sun sets in the west, or my ex would find a way to criticize me -- one way or the other -- it's going to happen before the day is done. Count on it.
Of course, there are those that think the Globetrotter/General games were scripted. These are the same fools that still maintain the outcome of professional wrestling matches was predetermined before world-class athletes such as Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant ever climbed into the ring. Sacrilege, I tell ya. Off with the heads of such infidels.
Playing a different sport notwithstanding, between the Lions and Cubs, there are similarities and differences. The Cubs haven't won a World Series since Ty Cobb was in his hey-day, or roughly about the same time yours truly last got "lucky". Yet they continue to be known as lovable losers. Like Sara Lee, nobody doesn't like the Cubs.
The Lions, on the other hand, have never even been to a Super Bowl, much less won it. Outside of the Detroit area, they've never enjoyed the same huggy, toasty, feel good no matter what treatment that the Cubs have. In fact, the Honolulu blue and silver puddy-tats are often held up as objects of ridicule. Amongst others, late night talk show hosts have teed off on them for decades. Much like the crowds once roared at such places as Tiger Stadium, the Pontiac Silverdome, and currently Ford Field, the studio audiences and millions of viewers at home also roar. But for a different reason. Laughter. To be sure, there's nothing lovable about a few of the current Lions' players, that have become known for cheap shots here and there. And their head coach likely doesn't have a future in international diplomacy himself. Let's just say the Lions aren't exactly helping their own cause when it comes to public perception.
But half a century of futility, sometimes bordering on the absurd, would seem to be way too much for coincidence. How can it be that one team can be that bad for that long?
Some have suggested it's the ownership of the Ford family. The time line fits, and the Fords have always been "hands-off" owners, delegating running the football team to others they deemed more knowledgeable. Sure, there's been umpteen generations of players, head coaches and their staffs, and even the "front office" personnel has undergone a few turnovers, but nothing seems to change. Could it be that the Fords will own the Lions in perpetuity, which seems likely, but have been cursed by Divine decree for their team to forever remain in purgatory? Well, there was the Pinto and the Edsel, and that bit about exploding tires a while back, but c'mon. Methinks the Big Guy upstairs wouldn't hold that against them for THIS long.
Yet, with the Lions, like Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say -- it's always something. If there's a way to screw it up -- they'll find it. Hey, I've got 50 years worth of stats to back me up on this.
Oops. Gotta go. One of my yorkies just threw up on the bed. Not good. And he's not even a Lions' fan, far as I know know. Or maybe he is. Come to think of it, he was watching me type this for a while, then ran off and vomited. Huh. Funny, or maybe not why those things happen. But I gotta make sure the little rascal is OK and clean up the mess anyway. Following up next time......
Monday, December 9, 2013
Michigan State. Thinking small?
My computer's been down for the last three days, so I've been unable to rant via this medium. Geez, so much stuff was going on. Certainly, this was cause for celebration in some quarters. Many not only disagree with my ramblings, but consider me a fool. I get that, and they might be right. Yet there are others that seem to hang in there for whatever reason, God bless em. So, in my best imitation of Jack Nicholson in The Shining -- once again -- Heeere's Johnny.
At any rate, a belated congrats to Michigan State football for winning the Big 10 conference championship with a convincing victory over previously (for almost two full years) undefeated Ohio State. Few would doubt that MSU showed themselves to be the superior football team when it mattered. Well done indeed, and on to a New Year's day clash with the Stanford Cardinal in the Rose Bowl. It should be a very good game. This is a big deal for the Spartans and their faithful.
Yet one is left to wonder --- while the Spartans are no doubt thrilled to be going back to the Rose Bowl for the first time since forever --- have they been conditioned to think small? I'll get back to that. Most objective sports fans would likely agree MSU's arch-rival Michigan continues to get a lot more pre, and in-season hype, until they inevitably prove themselves to have been overrated. In the meantime, the Spartans also continue to get the Rodney Dangerfield treatment. No respect. But guess who's been better -- a lot better -- for most of the last several years?
Depending on the poll, MSU was ranked somewhere around #10 before they offed the then #2 Buckeyes in Indianapolis -- a neutral site. Obviously that got the attention of the pollsters, because MSU jumped all the way to #4. Stanford is #5, which should make for a good match-up, but there's something else that has gone unnoticed.
Yes, Florida State, the only undefeated team in the country, has certainly earned their way into playing for the national championship. They will face Auburn, which was #3 before Ohio State got their eyes bucked out by MSU. But wait a minute.....
Auburn had one prior loss. That was at LSU way back on Sept. 21. Not only was it a loss -- Auburn got thumped by two touchdowns, 35-21. Fast forward. On Nov. 16, Auburn had a win fall into their lap against Georgia, when two Georgia defensive backs ran into each other, the football popped up, and miraculously found it's way into the hands of an Auburn receiver for a touchdown. Fast forward two more weeks to Nov. 30. On another miracle play, as time was expiring, Auburn defeated then #1 Alabama when the Tide foolishly attempted a field goal out of their kicker's range, and an Auburn returner scampered a whopping 108 yards the other way for a touchdown, virtually untouched. These kinds of things can happen when you've got a bunch of fat guys on one side, a bunch of fast guys on the other -- and the tables are quickly turned. Nevertheless, Auburn seems to have lived a charmed life.
Conversely, Michigan State had one loss as well. On the very same day Auburn was getting blistered at LSU, MSU lost a squeaker at Notre Dame, 17-13. Since then, Michigan State has handily dispatched every team they've played. Luck had nothing to do with it.
And that's where the thinking small part comes in. Immediately after MSU had won the Big 10 championship, they were celebrating with long stemmed roses in the mouths. Finally, they're going back to Pasadena. Thing is, MSU head coach Mark Dantonio missed a golden opportunity at that time, because the Spartans have been conditioned to think small. Immediately after dispatching Ohio State, Dantonio and his team should have forgone the roses and been chanting -- bring on Florida State and let's see who the best team is. For the above reasons, an argument could certainly be made that MSU is a more worthy contender than Auburn.
But Michigan State hasn't yet got to the point where they think that way. In the Big 10, dating all the way back to the Bo and Woody days, the most important thing was always about who won the conference. It still seems to be that way today.
A couple decades ago, when Miami of Florida was a national powerhouse, they scoffed at such thinking. Let people like the Big 10 and Pac 10 worry about their silly conference championships. The only thing that matters is winning the national title. And they did.
Today, there are those like Alabama and Ohio State which aspire to the same sort of thinking. The records of coaches like Nick Saban and Urban Meyer speak for themselves. They'll be back, complete with more crops of 5-star recruits to take a shot at the big prize. And after all, in the big picture, there's only one bowl game that really matters. All the rest of them can have their parades, big cha-chings for the participating schools, and their three hours of national TV air time in December or January. Bring on the marching bands and the cheerleaders, and let the winner go home with a giant trophy, and even hoist another banner somewhere. Good for them, but only in the wacky world of college football does the regular season end, everything is put on hold for a few weeks (no games, no playoffs), and then 34 -- count-em -- 34 bowl games take place amongst teams that have already been determined to be also rans. Tiger Woods had it right. Even the first runner up is a loser. And nobody remembers, or cares, who that was, let alone going 60-some deep in the field.
So here's wishing Michigan State well in the Rose Bowl. But methinks they should consider setting their sights a little higher. Being happy to play in the same stadium in a "consolation" game 5 days before the championship game goes down at the same venue is not how those that would be king are supposed to think.
Again, Dantonio and company should have eschewed the roses and called out Florida State. Perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference with the pollsters and computers, but it would have sent a very strong message.
We're as good or better than anybody right now, including the overrated SEC. We can beat anybody from that conference. Bring on the Seminoles and let's see what happens. Now THAT would have raised a few eyebrows and caused the talking TV heads to shift into warp-speak drive.
And if the Spartans indeed defrock the Cardinal on the undercard at Pasadena, perhaps they can shed their Rodney image once and for all.
Yet it all starts with attitude. If you want to be the greatest, you have to think you're the greatest, and not be shy about proclaiming it. Cassius Clay knew that. So did Jackie Gleason. It seemed to work out pretty well for those guys. Yours truly thinks the same way. Without a shadow of a doubt, I am the greatest blogger in the world. I think like a butterfly, write like the script to a B movie, hang out with guys like Norton, and there's a certain woman I've always wanted to send to the moon. Let the masses read in awe whatever thoughts I deign to share with them. I AM THE GREATEST. So there.
Then again, I could be wrong about that, and MSU might get blistered in the Rose Bowl. Like the immortal character Dalton once said in Road House -- opinions vary.
And along that line -- no matter what -- when using the facilities, don't eat the big white mint.......
At any rate, a belated congrats to Michigan State football for winning the Big 10 conference championship with a convincing victory over previously (for almost two full years) undefeated Ohio State. Few would doubt that MSU showed themselves to be the superior football team when it mattered. Well done indeed, and on to a New Year's day clash with the Stanford Cardinal in the Rose Bowl. It should be a very good game. This is a big deal for the Spartans and their faithful.
Yet one is left to wonder --- while the Spartans are no doubt thrilled to be going back to the Rose Bowl for the first time since forever --- have they been conditioned to think small? I'll get back to that. Most objective sports fans would likely agree MSU's arch-rival Michigan continues to get a lot more pre, and in-season hype, until they inevitably prove themselves to have been overrated. In the meantime, the Spartans also continue to get the Rodney Dangerfield treatment. No respect. But guess who's been better -- a lot better -- for most of the last several years?
Depending on the poll, MSU was ranked somewhere around #10 before they offed the then #2 Buckeyes in Indianapolis -- a neutral site. Obviously that got the attention of the pollsters, because MSU jumped all the way to #4. Stanford is #5, which should make for a good match-up, but there's something else that has gone unnoticed.
Yes, Florida State, the only undefeated team in the country, has certainly earned their way into playing for the national championship. They will face Auburn, which was #3 before Ohio State got their eyes bucked out by MSU. But wait a minute.....
Auburn had one prior loss. That was at LSU way back on Sept. 21. Not only was it a loss -- Auburn got thumped by two touchdowns, 35-21. Fast forward. On Nov. 16, Auburn had a win fall into their lap against Georgia, when two Georgia defensive backs ran into each other, the football popped up, and miraculously found it's way into the hands of an Auburn receiver for a touchdown. Fast forward two more weeks to Nov. 30. On another miracle play, as time was expiring, Auburn defeated then #1 Alabama when the Tide foolishly attempted a field goal out of their kicker's range, and an Auburn returner scampered a whopping 108 yards the other way for a touchdown, virtually untouched. These kinds of things can happen when you've got a bunch of fat guys on one side, a bunch of fast guys on the other -- and the tables are quickly turned. Nevertheless, Auburn seems to have lived a charmed life.
Conversely, Michigan State had one loss as well. On the very same day Auburn was getting blistered at LSU, MSU lost a squeaker at Notre Dame, 17-13. Since then, Michigan State has handily dispatched every team they've played. Luck had nothing to do with it.
And that's where the thinking small part comes in. Immediately after MSU had won the Big 10 championship, they were celebrating with long stemmed roses in the mouths. Finally, they're going back to Pasadena. Thing is, MSU head coach Mark Dantonio missed a golden opportunity at that time, because the Spartans have been conditioned to think small. Immediately after dispatching Ohio State, Dantonio and his team should have forgone the roses and been chanting -- bring on Florida State and let's see who the best team is. For the above reasons, an argument could certainly be made that MSU is a more worthy contender than Auburn.
But Michigan State hasn't yet got to the point where they think that way. In the Big 10, dating all the way back to the Bo and Woody days, the most important thing was always about who won the conference. It still seems to be that way today.
A couple decades ago, when Miami of Florida was a national powerhouse, they scoffed at such thinking. Let people like the Big 10 and Pac 10 worry about their silly conference championships. The only thing that matters is winning the national title. And they did.
Today, there are those like Alabama and Ohio State which aspire to the same sort of thinking. The records of coaches like Nick Saban and Urban Meyer speak for themselves. They'll be back, complete with more crops of 5-star recruits to take a shot at the big prize. And after all, in the big picture, there's only one bowl game that really matters. All the rest of them can have their parades, big cha-chings for the participating schools, and their three hours of national TV air time in December or January. Bring on the marching bands and the cheerleaders, and let the winner go home with a giant trophy, and even hoist another banner somewhere. Good for them, but only in the wacky world of college football does the regular season end, everything is put on hold for a few weeks (no games, no playoffs), and then 34 -- count-em -- 34 bowl games take place amongst teams that have already been determined to be also rans. Tiger Woods had it right. Even the first runner up is a loser. And nobody remembers, or cares, who that was, let alone going 60-some deep in the field.
So here's wishing Michigan State well in the Rose Bowl. But methinks they should consider setting their sights a little higher. Being happy to play in the same stadium in a "consolation" game 5 days before the championship game goes down at the same venue is not how those that would be king are supposed to think.
Again, Dantonio and company should have eschewed the roses and called out Florida State. Perhaps it wouldn't have made a difference with the pollsters and computers, but it would have sent a very strong message.
We're as good or better than anybody right now, including the overrated SEC. We can beat anybody from that conference. Bring on the Seminoles and let's see what happens. Now THAT would have raised a few eyebrows and caused the talking TV heads to shift into warp-speak drive.
And if the Spartans indeed defrock the Cardinal on the undercard at Pasadena, perhaps they can shed their Rodney image once and for all.
Yet it all starts with attitude. If you want to be the greatest, you have to think you're the greatest, and not be shy about proclaiming it. Cassius Clay knew that. So did Jackie Gleason. It seemed to work out pretty well for those guys. Yours truly thinks the same way. Without a shadow of a doubt, I am the greatest blogger in the world. I think like a butterfly, write like the script to a B movie, hang out with guys like Norton, and there's a certain woman I've always wanted to send to the moon. Let the masses read in awe whatever thoughts I deign to share with them. I AM THE GREATEST. So there.
Then again, I could be wrong about that, and MSU might get blistered in the Rose Bowl. Like the immortal character Dalton once said in Road House -- opinions vary.
And along that line -- no matter what -- when using the facilities, don't eat the big white mint.......
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Football and the name game
The Houston Texans at the Jacksonville Jaguars for Thursday night football? Blech, yuck, ptooey, gag me with the moon, and all that stuff. Who came up with the brainstorm to feature these two teams in prime time? This is god-awful, or at least turrible, as Charles Barkley would say.
After showing some promise last year, the Texans have recently lost their last 10 games in a row. These guys are falling faster than the popularity of a certain President. Nobody expected much out of the Jaguars. Jacksonville's just a town you have to go through on your way to the good stuff in Florida.
Nevertheless, the always rosy announcers had to try to drum up a little interest in this game. For a while, they focused on Jacksonville running back Maurice Jones-Drew. That reasoning was flawed from the beginning.
You can't trust those guys with three names. In my younger days, I remember hanging out with William Henry Harrison. Yeah, he finally served a very short while as President, but he was a trouble maker as a kid, especially when a few of us would get together for a trip down a river. Old Willie had this thing about tipping over canoes.
And he's not the only one. History is chock full of them. Oliver Wendall Holmes, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, George Bernard Shaw, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, James Fenimore Cooper, Scott Van Pelt, etc, etc. The list is long of people that became famous, but like Willie, they had their dark sides as well.
Worse yet is those folks that precede their name with an initial. Consider the following:
H. Ross Perot
L. Ron Hubbard
J. Paul Getty
L. Brooks Patterson
G. Gordon Liddy
All uppety schmucks that wanted to tell the rest of us how to act, while getting rich in the process.
k.d. lang has taken it to another level. I'm not exactly sure what that consists of, but I don't want to hang with her either to find out.
Back to Thursday night football. Normally, one could say two NFL teams are slugging it out. But in the case of the Texans/Jaguars matchup, it seems to be more like a pillow fight at a girls' sleepover party. These guys are not good.
Besides, think about the two cities themselves.
The best thing to ever come out of Jacksonville was my favorite rock band. Lynard Skynard. Alas, many of their original members are dead now -- but their music lives on. Small town wannabe bands continue to copy their stuff. Walk into any honky-tonk bar, and it won't be long before you hear one of their tunes blasting from the jukebox. The Jags, on the other hand, appear to be as forgettable as it gets.
Houston? They were once known as the home of "mission control" when it came to NASA space flights. Now, other than sending up the vast hush-hush variety of spy satellites, and a few doodads to keep the telecommunications folks up to speed with modern-day technology, it appears NASA, and "mission control" are but a shell of what they once were. Besides, there's the bottom feeding Astros in major league baseball. Did I mention turrible?
Houston, we have a problem indeed.
Ah well, back to the game. Any game is better than no game, I suppose.
And who knows? Maybe Maurice Jones-Drew will grow up to be President himself someday. But I'm not going canoeing with him either.
After showing some promise last year, the Texans have recently lost their last 10 games in a row. These guys are falling faster than the popularity of a certain President. Nobody expected much out of the Jaguars. Jacksonville's just a town you have to go through on your way to the good stuff in Florida.
Nevertheless, the always rosy announcers had to try to drum up a little interest in this game. For a while, they focused on Jacksonville running back Maurice Jones-Drew. That reasoning was flawed from the beginning.
You can't trust those guys with three names. In my younger days, I remember hanging out with William Henry Harrison. Yeah, he finally served a very short while as President, but he was a trouble maker as a kid, especially when a few of us would get together for a trip down a river. Old Willie had this thing about tipping over canoes.
And he's not the only one. History is chock full of them. Oliver Wendall Holmes, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, George Bernard Shaw, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, James Fenimore Cooper, Scott Van Pelt, etc, etc. The list is long of people that became famous, but like Willie, they had their dark sides as well.
Worse yet is those folks that precede their name with an initial. Consider the following:
H. Ross Perot
L. Ron Hubbard
J. Paul Getty
L. Brooks Patterson
G. Gordon Liddy
All uppety schmucks that wanted to tell the rest of us how to act, while getting rich in the process.
k.d. lang has taken it to another level. I'm not exactly sure what that consists of, but I don't want to hang with her either to find out.
Back to Thursday night football. Normally, one could say two NFL teams are slugging it out. But in the case of the Texans/Jaguars matchup, it seems to be more like a pillow fight at a girls' sleepover party. These guys are not good.
Besides, think about the two cities themselves.
The best thing to ever come out of Jacksonville was my favorite rock band. Lynard Skynard. Alas, many of their original members are dead now -- but their music lives on. Small town wannabe bands continue to copy their stuff. Walk into any honky-tonk bar, and it won't be long before you hear one of their tunes blasting from the jukebox. The Jags, on the other hand, appear to be as forgettable as it gets.
Houston? They were once known as the home of "mission control" when it came to NASA space flights. Now, other than sending up the vast hush-hush variety of spy satellites, and a few doodads to keep the telecommunications folks up to speed with modern-day technology, it appears NASA, and "mission control" are but a shell of what they once were. Besides, there's the bottom feeding Astros in major league baseball. Did I mention turrible?
Houston, we have a problem indeed.
Ah well, back to the game. Any game is better than no game, I suppose.
And who knows? Maybe Maurice Jones-Drew will grow up to be President himself someday. But I'm not going canoeing with him either.
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Interesting tidbits of the day
Wow. The Detroit Pistons went into Miami and knocked off the Heat? Bet not too many people saw that one coming. Nevertheless, Jason Whitlock, former columnist of the Kansas City Star, and currently writing/yapping for/on the 4 letter network, quickly hosed down the Pistons' parade. "It's nothing", quoth the Whitster, "Miami was without Dwyane Wade. No big deal". Geez, he's no fun.
While describing some basketball action, the ever inimitable Keith Olbermann used the phrase "premature jocularity". Innocent enough, I suppose, but also close enough to cause a similar phrase that would have raised a few eyebrows to jump into one's head. An accident? Of course not. The Olbermeister knew exactly what he was saying. He's tricky that way. No wonder he's got in trouble with TV execs so much over his career.
So the Detroit Tigers finally found a closer, eh? Wait a minute. They signed that Nathan guy? Is that the same Nathan that owns the coney island joint in Brooklyn? You know, where they have the 4th of July hot dog eating contest every year? I wonder if Joey Chestnut and the other eating machines know about this yet. Geez, Brooklyn without Nathan would be like a family of four attending a major sporting event, and not having to skip a house payment. That's no fun either.
Hang on... what's that? The Nathan the Tigers' signed isn't the same hot dog guy? Guess he's just an average Joe. And the original coney island Nathan was a Polish immigrant that died back in 1983? Really? And his full name was Nathan Handwerker? The hell you say. Huh. With a name like that -- I'll betcha him and Olbermann were buds back in the day. Funny how these random tidbits connect sometimes.
I finally tried that Gold Bond powder Shaq has been advertising on TV. Pretty amazing stuff. I not only smell better, but I've grown a foot and seem to be getting dumber by the day. Anybody got a Buick I can try to squeeze into?
Still can't figure that insurance company with a reptile as a spokesman. Fifteen minutes might save one a bunch of money, they claim. Well, OK. I'll take them at their word. How about they send a representative to my house for 15 minutes to discuss rates? Is that asking too much? If they want my business, come and try to get it. And they can send the little green lizard if they wish. I doubt I'd be persuaded monetarily, but my yorkies always get excited over a new chew toy.
Things have been way too quiet for way too long on the Tiger Woods' front. He must be up to something.....
While describing some basketball action, the ever inimitable Keith Olbermann used the phrase "premature jocularity". Innocent enough, I suppose, but also close enough to cause a similar phrase that would have raised a few eyebrows to jump into one's head. An accident? Of course not. The Olbermeister knew exactly what he was saying. He's tricky that way. No wonder he's got in trouble with TV execs so much over his career.
So the Detroit Tigers finally found a closer, eh? Wait a minute. They signed that Nathan guy? Is that the same Nathan that owns the coney island joint in Brooklyn? You know, where they have the 4th of July hot dog eating contest every year? I wonder if Joey Chestnut and the other eating machines know about this yet. Geez, Brooklyn without Nathan would be like a family of four attending a major sporting event, and not having to skip a house payment. That's no fun either.
Hang on... what's that? The Nathan the Tigers' signed isn't the same hot dog guy? Guess he's just an average Joe. And the original coney island Nathan was a Polish immigrant that died back in 1983? Really? And his full name was Nathan Handwerker? The hell you say. Huh. With a name like that -- I'll betcha him and Olbermann were buds back in the day. Funny how these random tidbits connect sometimes.
I finally tried that Gold Bond powder Shaq has been advertising on TV. Pretty amazing stuff. I not only smell better, but I've grown a foot and seem to be getting dumber by the day. Anybody got a Buick I can try to squeeze into?
Still can't figure that insurance company with a reptile as a spokesman. Fifteen minutes might save one a bunch of money, they claim. Well, OK. I'll take them at their word. How about they send a representative to my house for 15 minutes to discuss rates? Is that asking too much? If they want my business, come and try to get it. And they can send the little green lizard if they wish. I doubt I'd be persuaded monetarily, but my yorkies always get excited over a new chew toy.
Things have been way too quiet for way too long on the Tiger Woods' front. He must be up to something.....
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