Stupid football things

Should it even matter what an offensive tackle's vertical leap is?

Or how fast a guard runs the 40?

And who cares how many times a running back can bench press 225 pounds?

Are they running place kickers through agility drills these days?

And now comes the latest bit of stupidity from Sports Illustrated. They wanted the world to know how incredibly "ripped" Mississippi wideout D.K. Metcalf is on the eve of the draft. See those eight-pack abs.

WHO CARES??

The only things that matter are -- can he run decent routes? Catch the ball? Especially in traffic? Not fumble too much afterwards? And most importantly -- does he have any brains -- as in -- will he be able to comprehend the massive playbook if and when he gets to an NFL team? And understand audibles?

Do you really think any NFL coaching staff is going to be in awe if Metcalf can do 500 sit-ups? 1000?

Did I mention WHO CARES??

These are stats for morons only.

It would be like putting great importance on how long it takes any given politician to relieve him/herself in a restroom. Or perhaps nailing down the exact free-throw percentage of a cop in a police hoops rec league.

Shouldn't we have more important  things to be concerned with regarding such folks?

One can only imagine what the stat geeks will come up with next.

Maybe it will be hyped as earth-shaking news to rank the Top Ten punters in the NFL regarding how many hot dogs they can eat in any one 20 minute sitting.

And the really scary thing is -- there will be those that give it great weight. No pun intended. Maybe.

Sigh.....

The sorry case of Russell Westbrook

See Russell Westbrook, of the the Oklahoma City Thunder, strut his stuff.

See Russ run up and down the basketball floor.

See Russ dunk and hang on the rim.

See Russ taunt his opponents and otherwise talk trash.

See Russ and his team once again make an early exit from the playoffs, this time at the hands of the Portland Trail Blazers.

You'd think he'd learn a little humility after so many failures in the post-season.

But no, not Russ.

Is there any wonder super-star players like Kevin Durant, and James Harden before him, left the Thunder for much greener and more competitive pastures elsewhere? Maybe they'd had enough of Westbrook's nonsense.

Memo to Russ. Keep talking all the smack you want, but until you actually win something, nobody's going to pay much attention.

Yet Russ will no doubt keep flapping his gums, in the same sing-song girlish voice that a boxer named Mike Tyson once had. Close your eyes when either are speaking and I dare you to tell the difference.Even looks a little like Iron Mike in his younger days.

Alas, every time the playoffs roll around, it's like Russell Westbrook climbs in the ring with James "Buster" Douglas.

Bang. KOed.

And why, pray tell, does dear Russ insist on dressing like an uptown ghetto pimp away from the court? Leopard skin, pink, and chartreuse all rolled into one? Really?

The dude definitely needs to re-calibrate on a number of levels.

Cuz what he's done so far just ain't getting it done.

The pathetic Detroit Pistons

See the Pistons barely sneak into the NBA playoffs as the final team in the weak, by comparison, Eastern Conference. What was their reward?

A first round match-up with the Milwaukee Bucks, owners of the best regular season record in the entire league.

See the Pistons get absolutely slaughtered in Game One, to the tune of 35 points worth.

See the hapless Pistons get drubbed again like red-headed stepchildren in Game Two, by 21.

Two games and they were outscored by 56 points?

Ah, but just wait, quoth the local pundits and roundball groupies. Da boys are coming home and things will be different in Game Three.

They were right.  The Pissed-Ons only got beat by 16 on their own court.

With any luck, maybe they get another loss down to single digits in Game Four, but I wouldn't count on it.

This is men against boys. Rambos vs Barney Fifes.

The sorry Pistons have no business on the same court with the Milwaukee Bucks.

And it gets even worse for the Motown morons.

By squeaking into the playoffs, only to get blasted, they forfeited any chance of getting an impact player in the draft. Not that it would make any difference. This is the same club that saw the --cough- gag-barf-wisdom in giving a big slug like Andre Drummond a max contract.

Yep, he's paid right up there with the likes of Lebron James, Steph Curry, and James Hardin. Thing is, Drummond has little talent. He's not a ball handler, by any stretch of the imagination. Doesn't have a reliable jump shot. Is terrible at the free throw line. Shooting from three point range? Please. And slow of foot. His main assets? He's big, can clog up the paint on defense, and muscle a lot of rebounds. And they put their whole salary cap structure in a bind over a big ape like this? Amazing.

Then again, it probably should come as no surprise, given the brain fart mentality owner Tom Gores has shown so far.

He must know something about shuffling other peoples' money around in his day job, because one doesn't get to be a billionaire by accident.

But basketball/NBA wise, he appears dumber than your proverbial box of rocks.

This is the same guy that got the Palace of Auburn Hills, home of the Pistons, as part of the deal when he bought them a few years back.

The Palace was already completely paid for by his predecessor, the late William Davidson. And out of his own pocket, no less. You NEVER see that happen. The taxpayers always get dinged.

And the Palace was, and remains, a world class facility, located in an ideal location. In a no-crime suburb that has easy access to major roadways for easy fan entrances and exits.

So what did Gores, in HIS infinite wisdom, do? Packed up the team and moved it to the crime-ridden dregs of Detroit, where fans are relatively safe as long as they're within spiting distance of the arena, but not so much if they happen to take a wrong turn somewhere.

Even MORE astounding -- Gores now has to pay rent for moving the Pistons an arena that was built for hockey, specifically, the Detroit Red Wings sparking new Little Caesar's Arena.

Could it get possibly get any more wrong-headed than this?

Oh wait. Maybe. The Pistons claimed to have made a major coup by landing former Toronto Raptors head coach Dwane Casey.

Yeah? Isn't he the same guy that run out of Toronto -- fired -- last year, for his team under-performing year after year?

No matter how one looks at it, this is one clueless franchise, from ownership on down to coach and players.

And there are absolutely no signs, none, that it will get better any year soon.

Tiger mania. Yuck

One would have thought something truly monumental had just happened. Virtually all TV programming was interrupted for an emergency newscast. Same with radio stations. And the internet was burning up at this latest earth-shaking event.

Could another President have been assassinated?

Were nuclear weapons about to descend on us?

Had some alien race invaded earth?

As it turned out, thankfully, none of the above had occurred.

It was merely Eldrick Tont Woods, sometimes known as Tiger, having won a golf tournament. In this case, the Masters.

But oh my, people were going absolutely berserk with the news. I was almost afraid to look outside for fear Tiger groupies would be flogging themselves in the streets in utter bliss.

Such has become the Tiger phenomenon. And all this for a serial wife-cheater, who's as boorish and arrogant away from the cameras as he is charming in front of them. Or at least used to be. Yours truly crossed paths with dear Eldrick at a couple golf tourneys a while back as a member of the gallery.

He and his caddie evidently thought they were royalty. Out of the way peasants. Can't you see His Highness is coming through?

But that was a side of Eldrick most of the public never got to see. His public persona is all spiffed and polished.

So yes, I took a disliking to him.

As a golf fan, I've watched many a tournament on TV. Thing is, I'm the opposite of most. I'd much rather view a tourney when Woods is either not playing in it, or if he is, isn't in contention.That way the coverage is more fairly spread around to the other players, as it should be.

If Eldrick has an early tee time, that means he'll finish his round early, and while the talking heads will still find a way to talk about him, at least every other TV shot won't be about him. See Tiger talk to his caddie. See Tiger take a drink of water. See Tiger lining up his next shot. See Tiger eat a banana. See Tiger scratch his backside. See Tiger still lining up his shot. Tiger this. Tiger that. There's no end to it. Meanwhile, those roars in the background mean other players are hitting great shots we don't get to see. We'll be force fed replays of Tiger strokes, maybe even clips of him in past tournaments. Or a taped interview.

The blatant bias of the media in Tiger's favor is mind-boggling.

They want him to win. They NEED him to win.They openly root for him to win.

While it's true Woods is a black man in a predominantly white sport, consider if this were the other way around.

What do you think would happen if a white guy in a predominantly black man's sport were afforded the same level of attention?

The media and "politically correct" crowd would be screaming racism. Heads would roll at the networks. Congress might convene a special hearing to check into such unacceptable behavior.

But with Eldrick Tont it's OK?

Not for me. Not since I was unceremoniously shoved out of the way at the Buick Open a while back when the "privileged" were approaching. I was behind the ropes right where I was supposed to be. But Woods had hit an errant shot into the crowd and none of us knew exactly what to do. Regardless, there was no excuse for me and others to be treated the way we were, like we were some sort of throwaways. We had paid good money to be there, dammit.

So in conclusion, I'll sum it up this way.

While the legions of Tiger lemmings continue celebrating their hero's victory, there are those of us that would much rather see him just go away.

We are so, so sick of the wall-to-wall coverage of this guy being forced down our throats every time he so much as hiccups.

ESPN's Scott Van Pelt appears to be so infatuated and enamored of Tiger that, frankly, I'm a bit surprised he doesn't volunteer to go to Eldrick's home and offer his services as a pool boy, or doing lawn maintenance, or perhaps shining his shoes. Whatever it is, SVP has a seriously bad case of it.

Nonetheless, I recognize the confounding Tiger groupie syndrome isn't likely to change any time soon

They are what they are.

And I wish them happy flogging -- the poor devils.

Hateful things

There aren't a whole lot of things in life I hate. Liver's right up there. It's all in how you prepare it, some say? Hogwash. I don't care how you cook it -- I hate it. Same with sushi. Keep that nasty raw stuff away from me.

People that barge into conversations get my dander up. Mouthy bartenders, especially the female variety, are notorious for such crude behavior. I've told more than one -- "What make you think whatever it is you have to say is more important than what my friend and I were talking about? It's rude and classless." That usually backs them up a step, at least for a little while.

There are a few others, I suppose. But in the world of sports, I can boil my intense dislike down to three teams.

The Notre Dame ladies basketball program.

This is not so much against the players as the head coach and the school.

To me, Muffet McGraw is like nails scraping a chalkboard. See MM in her perfectly coiffed hairdo. Lots of goop? Are you kidding? A tornado wouldn't mess that up.  See MM in her painted on tight skirt. It's so tight she can only take one inch steps. Throw in the 6-inch hooker heels and it's a wonder she can walk at all.

The difference between McGraw and UConn head coach Geno Auriemma, her long time nemesis? Geno's got class. When his team loses to McGraw, he's gracious and a gentleman. Win or lose, McGraw is catty and pompous.

Throw in those stupid leprechauns that follow Notre Dame around everywhere, and yep, I hate em.

Besides, the real Notre Dame is a cathedral in Paris. Last time I looked that was still in France. So where do they get off calling themselves the Fighting Irish? Can't they even get their countries right?

And now they've made the Finals of the NCAA hoops tournament. Again. I almost threw up when they won last year. So go Baylor. My motto is -- ABND. Anybody But Notre Dame.

The Dallas Cowboys.

Speaking of pompous and arrogant, how did those clowns ever figure themselves to be "America's team"?  Good grief, outside of the Dallas area -- 90% of the rest of the country hates them, just like I do.

Owner Jerry Jones continually comes off as the epitome of a snake oil salesman. Would you trust that guy to handle your finances? Not me. The more they lose, the better I like it.

Michigan State basketball -- particularly Tom Izzo.

The pundits keep telling us what a great basketball coach Tom Izzo is. Look at all the Final Fours he's been to. To which I say -- so what? The only things more over-rated than making the Final Four are political correctness and the Kardashians, both of which I have no use for either. They belong in the same category as the above-mentioned liver and that slimy eely crap.

Only in college hoops (and to a lesser extent, college hockey -- the Frozen Four), is making the semi-finals such a big deal. Thing is, three of them are going to lose, and nobody's going to remember them. It's nothing but a major marketing farce -- quite successful I might add -- that's been foisted on the gullible masses. Name any other sport -- tennis, football, baseball, etc, and they don't sound the trumpets and start throwing the rose petals for just getting to the semi-finals.

Izzo's won a grand total of one championship -- that almost twenty years ago. If coming in second, third, or fourth was such a big deal, consider Jack Nicklaus. He won 18 golf majors. If you throw in how many times he finished in the Top Four, that number probably goes up to fifty. Nobody cares about that, nor should they. So why should Izzo be heralded as such a hoops wizard when he's only cut down the nets once in his entire long coaching career? He's been pretty good, maybe even excellent. But no more than that.

So it gave yours truly great satisfaction to witness Texas Tech knock off his Spartans in this year's semis. Chalk up another Final Four appearance, but also chalk up another close but no cigar. Just another footnote for the stat geeks and Spartan groupies to ramble on about -- that meant nothing in the bigger picture. They got drilled by the Red Raiders. Period. What else matters?

One more thing. I hate liars. So you can imagine how I feel about a certain"chief executive"..........