The Oklahoma tornado

I know the rules. They were clearly laid out to me many moons ago, and I haven't forgotten. I'm supposed to write about sports. Straying too far from that might well land yours truly in some serious hot water with the powers that be.

Yet every once in a while, something happens (usually bad) that makes sports seem unimportant in the whole scheme of things. That would be the tornado that earlier ripped through the outskirts of Oklahoma City.

It was reported as being 2 miles wide. 2 MILES WIDE?  Holy cow -- that's frighteningly incredible. As it weaved it's path of destruction, entire neighborhoods were not just destroyed, but are GONE. Over 50 already confirmed dead, including over 20 little kids in an elementary school that was also demolished. Sadly, there's a lot more people, and schoolchildren, that are still unaccounted for. The death toll will likely rise by the time everything gets sorted out -- what's left of it. Mother Nature can truly be awesome in a terrible way with what she is capable of unleashing at times on us mere humans.

Yes, the infinite variety of sports touches the lives of billions of people the world over. Not even counting the athletes themselves, their fans will cheer, boo, worry, argue, sit on the edge of their seats in anticipation, and lord knows, one way or the other, a lot of money changes hands over those various contests throughout the year. This is a big deal.

But win or lose, those teams and players will be back next year to try again.

Tragically, some mighty fine people in Oklahoma, including a bunch of innocent kids, won't get that chance.

So for now, bring on the hot water, if need be. But sports can wait.

My prayers and deepest sympathies go out to all those who were so horribly affected by this disaster in Oklahoma.

Nuff said. 

It's all relative

That didn't take long. Just one good game. After the Red Wings beat the Black Hawks in Game 2 of their playoff series, the local pundits are once again bragging up the honor and the prestige that comes with wearing a Red Wings jersey. It's like the "winged wheel" is somehow special in the sports world.

If you believe that, then it stands to reason you've also believed the Dallas Cowboys are truly "America's team", and Armageddon would quickly be upon us if the Lakers hadn't made the playoffs.

Personally, I'm not buying into ANY of that nonsense. They're pro sports teams. They win -- they lose. They go up -- they go down. For the most part, it's a bunch of players in stick and ball sports making millions that likely couldn't pass a fairly administered 9th grade proficiency test. And we, the fans, pick up the tab. So who's the real dummies?

It's pretty much the same thing with the Olde English D on Detroit Tigers uniforms or the NY Yankee pinstripes. Somehow this is supposed to be special. It is and it isn't.

Yes, it's special because any player that wears such a uniform is special himself. I've long said you can take the last player on the bench, from the last place team in whatever pro league you want to talk about -- and whoever that is -- that guy's REALLY good. Criticize him if you wish, but he beat out thousands of others just to get there.

But no, just because he plays for a certain team doesn't make him -- or them --  any more special than any other team and it's players.

Do you really think for a second the Cowboys' jersey is special in any other NFL town with its own rabid home fans? I doubt it. It's just hype. You can buy into it -- or not. I don't.

Same thing with the Red Wings. They might have a few fans that follow them on the road, but their winged wheel doesn't mean squat in any other NHL city. They're just another team. Detroit is a member of the original 6 in the NHL? How much do you think that matters to fans in such places as Columbus, Nashville, San Jose, etc?

For that matter, yours truly has never understood just what a "red wing" is, at least in hockey. I have a few old timer biker friends that sport red wings on their vests -- but that was for doing something that I absolutely can't discuss in this forum. If you want to know -- go ask a biker.

On another note, earlier today my boss, the sports editor, actually paid me a compliment, but also said he didn't want to make my head any bigger than it already was.

Considering how many people would no doubt swear under oath that yours truly was, is and always will be a pinhead -- I'm not quite sure what to make of all that.

I guess it's all relative.

And I think that's where I came in.

NASCAR All-Star race. Say what?

Actually, yours truly didn't even see the race. I only caught the highlights later on ESPN. Perhaps it's the Jethro syndrome that seems to keep coming back at me once in a while. Something about being an international playboy, and having to fight off the pretty girls with a stick a few hours ago. Maybe I should go back to being a double naught spy, or a brain surgeon. Life was simpler then. Nevertheless....

Jimmy Johnson won the race. but I have one question. What the hell was Danica Patrick doing out there? By it's very definition -- this was supposed to be an All-Star race.

One normally thinks of any All-Star contest in various sports as the elite "players" putting on a show. So since when does Danica rank amongst the elite in NASCAR? She's never won a single race, nor really even came close. The only notable thing she's done is win the pole position at the Daytona 500. At that, when the kid gloves finally came off on the last lap of that race, other drivers were blowing by her left and right. Other than that, unless drivers get points for wrecking cars and doing photo-ops, she's pretty much been a bust, certainly no pun intended.

Yeah, I know. Danica made it into the race through a vote by the fans. Just like all the other all-stars in different sports do. Well, guess what? Not that it's a big time revelation -- but those NASCAR fans are obviously crazy. Why would they vote in a rookie driver that, despite having top-notch equipment, doesn't even seem to be competitive? Because she's a woman and some people think she's pretty? Excuse me, but that's not a good enough reason. This was an all-star race, ferchrissakes. A limited field. Like other sports, it's supposed to be the best competing against each other.

So what's next? If Beyonce takes up golf -- will she get an invitation to play at the Masters? What's the difference? Danica isn't afraid to go fast? Big deal. Lots of people can and would be willing to put the petal to the medal and turn a steering wheel to the left. That doesn't mean they know what they're doing either, much less make them some sort of all-star. They'd probably wreck too.

Yes, Ms. Patrick wound up at the back of the pack -- no surprise there -- but because she got in -- somebody else more deserving got left out.

And that's not right.

The NHL and the "look".

Uh oh. The LA Kings are getting that look about them again. Remember last year, when they barely snuck into the playoffs? Then they got on a roll, and next thing ya knew, presto, Lord Stanley's hardware was in LA-LA land. Fast forward a year, and they're up to their old tricks. Look out.

Idle thought: Is there another arena anywhere that hosts 3 professional sports teams (Lakers, Clippers, and Kings) like the Staples Center?

In the east, Sid the Kid Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins is once again showing he's the real deal. A hat trick against the Ottawa Senators. The Penguins are probably as skilled as any other team not named the Chicago Black Hawks, but their goalie makes some bone-headed moves once in a while. Coming 15 feet out of the crease and letting the puck get behind him? Oops. Chalk up a goal for the other guys. Having the puck in his glove while the opponents were on a power play, then trying to drop it off to one of his defensemen, with the Senators swarming around like a hungry school of piranhas? Bad idea. No goal resulted, but he lucked out on that one.

Uh oh. Red Wings coach Mike Babcock is starting to get that look again too. The deer in the headlights once the playoffs start look -- but with a slight twist -- an attitude.

Q & A Dept.

Didn't hear the question, but Babcock responded to a reporter by saying he/she should just basically chill. Everything would be alright with his Red Wings.

Response yours truly would had loved to hear a reporter come back with ---

Hey Coach, whether your team wins or loses makes no difference to us. Our job is to report it either way. And if anybody in this room sounds worried after your team got taken to the woodshed in the first game -- it's YOU.

Bet that would have got interesting.

Idle thought II: Can a head coach send a reporter to the penalty box? Give him/her 2 minutes for "roughing" his company line and/or ego? That would be a scary precedent.

So who's going to win the Stanley Cup this year?

Beats the hell out of me. In the west, the Black Hawks are the most talented team, but those pesky LA Kings.....

In the east, Pittsburgh's probably the best, but they haven't got past Ottawa just yet, and the Bruins and Rangers are a couple of nitty-gritty teams with a fair amount of talent themselves. Whoever comes out of that series will be no pushover. Tough call.

The Red Wings? They've got a shot -- but only a very long one. Forget all that stuff about championship pedigree because it's totally irrelevant. Ask the LA Lakers, or the Boston Celtics, or the NY Yankees, or even the Montreal Canadiens about that. What happened in years past doesn't matter. Different players and different times. That was then, and this is now.

Even if the Red Wings somehow get past the Black Hawks, they'll likely have the defending champ Kings waiting on them in the western conference finals. Did I mention LA is back on a playoff roll lately? Then whatever beast comes out of the east in the true Finals.

But ya never know.

Stranger things have happened in Detroit.

Brandon Inge, a career .234 hitter, made over $40 million playing in Motown for 12 years. He had more srikeouts than homers, walks, and RBIs combined. And he was a fan favorite!!

Unbelievable.

At any rate, here's hoping the Red Wings overcome the odds and march on to glory. Obviously, with all the other messes that are going on there, Detroit could use some good news wherever they can get it.

Maybe one of their sports teams winning a championship would help ease the pain, if only for a little while.

It ain't gonna be the Lions any year soon. They've got that look about them again too. Losers.

Trust me on that one......

The NBA crystal ball

Idle thought: Notice all those handicapped license plates everywhere? So why is it I'm beginning to think the people driving those vehicles suffer from a MENTAL handicap? How else to explain some of the retarded stuff they do on the road? Yeah, I know that's not politically correct, but neither am I, and proud of it. Anyway, onward....

In the east, the Indiana Pacers and NY Knicks are slugging it out. Ahead 3-2 in their series, they go back to Indianapolis for Game 6, and the Pacers should close it out. They'd better, because they surely don't want to go back to Madison Square Garden for a Game 7. That could get dicey. But it really doesn't matter.

The Miami Heat awaits the winner and, barring any major injuries, it would be a huge upset if Lebron and Co. lost to either Indy or NY in the conference finals. Like them or not, the South Beachers are just too good.

In the west, Memphis will take on San Antonio in the conference finals. Memphis flew underneath the radar all year, but those guys are brutes. On the other hand, San Antonio is probably the smartest team in basketball, with the smartest coach, Gregg Popovich, as well. With all due respect to both teams, it would seem a matchup of brains vs. brawn is coming up. It should be interesting.

San Antonio has been good for so long, nobody can remember when they weren't. But they're getting old. The LA Lakers, a contender for decades, seem to be coming apart at the seams. Denver's pretty good, as are the LA Clippers, and the Okla City Thunder will no doubt return to being a threat once injured Russell Westbrook comes back next year. As great as he is, there was no way Kevin Durant could beat other very good playoff teams all by himself. And they made a big mistake letting guard James Harden get away to Houston.

But you know who the team of the future might very well be? The Golden State Warriors. They're already really good, and they're the youngest team in the league. Yeah, San Antonio just eliminated them in 6 games, but these guys are coming. Plus, they've got a terrific young head coach themselves in former player Mark Jackson. It won't be easy, because other teams will get better as well, but check out the Warriors in a couple years after they've added another piece or two, and got just that much more experience under their belts.

And by then, those beasts in Miami will likely be getting on the back side of their bell curve. For now, they're definitely a cut above everybody else, but they're not getting any younger either.

I'm just saying.......

The King and his Court

Besides true royalty over the centuries in various countries, others have been referred to as the "King". In years past, there was the king of swing, the king of pop, Lebron is often called King James, and of course, there was the one and only Elvis, to mention but a few.

But this is about another King. Old timers will fondly remember Eddie Feigner, the King, and his Court. Feigner was likely the greatest fast-pitch softball pitcher that ever lived -- and ever will. He and his Court were a travelling road show. And, oh my, what a show they would put on.

Feigner's team only consisted of him on the pitcher's mound, a catcher, one infielder, and one outfielder. While travelling around the country, they would give advance notice of what towns they were heading to, and dare them to put together the best softball team they could. Get whoever you can, they would say. It doesn't matter. Put the best 10 players you can find from wherever on the field, and the 4 of us are going to roll into your town, on whatever field you want to play on -- and not only beat them -- but humiliate them.

And they would. The King and his Court were that good. Some have likened them to the Harlem Globetrotters, but that's not really a good comparison. For the most part, the Globetrotters games were scripted, complete with the referees knowing what was going to happen -- and playing their parts. Most of the Globetrotters' game were against a team called the Washington Nationals, and though they never came right out and admitted it -- few would doubt the Nationals knew what the script was too, and played along as the "straight" men in a comedy act.

Sure, the Globetrotters possessed various amazing talents, but they likely would have been crushed if they'd taken on an NBA, or maybe even a top college team that was serious about playing.

On the other hand, the teams that faced the King and his Court wanted nothing more than to win the game. They played to the best of their ability. But it was never enough. Usually not even close. Thing is, besides Feigner being virtually unhittable when he wanted to, the other guys on his team could flat-out hit. While the local opposing pitcher might have been used to dominating batters from other teams he had faced, the Court would make it look like he was throwing up batting practice. They'd hit one rocket after another.

As part of the show, Feigner would put on a blindfold while pitching. Of course, the infielder had to stand next to him for two reasons. First, in the unlikely event a batter hit a pitch back at the King, he would have been defenseless. And second, he needed somebody to catch the ball his own catcher was throwing back to the mound. Normally, after putting on the blindfold, the first pitch would be a fastball whistling behind the head of the opposing batter. That would not only get his attention, but strike a bit of a fear factor. Where's the next one going to go? But Feigner had that down to a science. Even with the blindfold on, he knew exactly where he throwing the ball. Typically the next 3 pitches would be strike one, strike two, and yer out. Whiff, whiff, whiff.

Sometimes he'd even pitch from second base, though when he did that, the other batters would at least be able to hit the ball. They might even score a few runs, but that was all part of the plan.

Occasionally, given the King's team had only one infielder, an opposing batter would lay down a bunt. Anything to get on base. What always happened next was comical. Neither Feigner, his catcher, nor his infielder would even make a move toward the ball. When the bunt finally stopped rolling in the infield, they were more than happy to let the opposing batter circle the bases for a home run, while pointing at him and laughing the whole way.

Oh yeah, those guys could talk some serious smack. They'd not only ridicule the other players, but get after people in the crowd. But it was always in a playful fun-loving sort of way. Nobody ever got mad. Far from it. It was funny, and just part of the show.

Afterwards, they'd head to a local bar somewhere and yuk it up, before heading to the next town.

Yours truly had the pleasure of not only seeing those guys and their amazing talents on a few occasions, but having a few post-game beers with them, back in the 70's. What a bunch of characters they were, and the stories they would tell. I never knew whether all that stuff was true -- though I didn't doubt it -- but oh man, talk about laughing until you cry....

So OK. The King of Swing (Benny Goodman) is gone. The King of Pop (Michael Jackson) recently went to Neverland, Elvis Presley is presumably still resting comfortably beneath Graceland, and who knows what heights and glory await King Lebron James?

But I'll never forget King Eddie Feigner and his Court.

They put on a show of all shows -- for decades. They were probably in a town close to you somewhere along the line, and I hope you got to see them. Because like the Flying Wallendas, such an act will never come around again.

And what a hoot they were.

Especially after the game.

The silence is deafening

Well OK. Tiger Woods and Sergio Garcia had their little war of words through the press following the Players Championship. Garcia said Woods breached golf etiquette by causing some sort of stir amongst the crowd while Sergio was in the middle of his back swing -- hence he hit a bad shot.

Woods said the course marshals had told him Garcia had already swung, so Tiger felt free to go ahead with his own swing. To be sure, every swing Eldrick makes gets a roar out of the gallery. Problem is, later on the marshals denied ever having told Woods any such thing, and further said Woods showed "lack of character" by making such a claim. Unless one believes the impartial course marshals are lying, it would appear Tiger was being a little less than straightforward about the entire matter.

Nonetheless -- who gives a rat's ass?

Let's look at a few realities in other pro sports as a comparison.

In basketball, besides screaming and flailing their arms, the home fans routinely wave streamers (handed out by the home stadium itself) behind the basket when a member of the visiting team is attempting to shoot free throws. It's just part of the game.

In the NFL, oftentimes the crowd roars so loud when the visiting team is attempting an offensive play, the players themselves on the field have to resort to hand signals to communicate. You'll never hear a post-game whine by the visitors over how loud the crowd was. They understand it goes with the territory.

In major league baseball, fans routinely boo and shout various not-so-good things at various players -- sometimes even their own if they're playing bad enough. This is totally acceptable. The people in the seats paid the price of admission, and they've always had a right to "needle" players however they feel like -- short of things like racial slurs or gross profanity, of course. The players hear all this. Good grief, they've probably heard such distractions and catcalls since "little league". It's no big deal to them. Just another day at the ballpark.

Can you imagine what sort of backlash a player would face in basketball, football, or baseball, if he complained that the crowd noise threw him off his game? He'd be ridiculed, and rightfully so.

So who decided it was OK for fans to yell whenever they want in some sports, but they have a gag order placed on them at certain times in others?

In golf, everybody has to be hush-hush QUIET when a player is actually playing. If anybody dares yell or pop a flash from a camera during a player's backswing, it's entirely possible the perpetrator could be booted off the course. Or at the very least verbally assaulted by a belligerent caddy.

Same thing in pro tennis. When a player is getting ready to hit a "serve", silence is mandatory. A fraction of a second after the tennis ball has initially been struck, the crowd is allowed to start cheering again. On rare occasions, the crowd might actually boo a player if they think he/she is being unsportsmanlike. Usually that involves a player acting like a spoiled 7-year old throwing a tantrum on the court, when they're not getting their way.

But for some reason, booing has always been unheard of in golf. It's OK for some fan to scream, "YOU DA MAN!!!" a millisecond after Tiger Woods hits a shot. But if that same fan hollers out, "YOU'RE A BUM!!!", particularly at a major tournament, being booted off the course would be the least of his worries. He'd be lucky if he didn't wind up in Guantanamo with others that were deemed to be terrorists. They take this golf stuff seriously at places like Augusta National.

And you know what? It's just wrong.

Other pro sports require the same level of concentration to be successful while their games are going on. In the NFL or NHL, one momentary mental lapse might result in a player waking up in the locker room wondering what happened -- or worse. Those other guys don't care, and they're playing for keeps. Stuff happens. Again, it goes with the territory. Nobody makes these players subject themselves to this. Quite the contrary. The competition is ferocious to even make it to the professional level.

But horrors, poor downtrodden and abused Tiger and Sergio had to have their little girl cat fight (hiss) over one of them possibly causing the crowd to make a little noise. What's worse is the media trying to make a big deal out of it. To which I say ---

Shut up. Did I mention the rat's ass? These guys might be pros, but they're not athletes. How do I know this? They don't even carry their own equipment during the course of a game. While making millions, the hardest hit divas like those guys are ever going to take would be missing a cut at a major tournament, or maybe the paparazzi chasing after them in their precious personal lives.

The hypocrisy of etiquette in various sports is one thing. Tiger should have been able to play his game without worrying about causing a stir in the crowd that might have affected Sergio. Crowds have always erupted all over the course as different players make great shots here and there. Sergio was whining.

But Tiger shouldn't have said what he did about the course marshals giving him the go-ahead -- which apparently never happened.

Lying is never cool. Better to man up, or at least shut up. That cover-up thing only makes things worse in the end when it all comes out. One would think Eldrick would have learned that lesson from Elin a while back.

Come to think of it -- that turned out to be quite a hit too.