Thursday, April 28, 2011

Jim Tressel, televangelists, and Barney Fife

What's the difference between Jim Tressel, the head football coach at Ohio State, and a typical televangelist?

Maybe a few things. I can't remember seeing JT in a suit, much less flowing robes, but I can't remember a televangelist ever wearing a dopey red sweater-vest either. One typically has a booming voice, while the other is soft-spoken -- at least in public.There's that little matter of make-up for TV, but I'm not so sure they don't grade out about the same on that. A preacher typically wears a lot of goop on his face to appear perfect for the cameras. Jimbo has cute little ruddy cheeks that match his vest. Buckeye fans would say it's a result of brisk weather. Yours truly thinks he wears more rouge than Betty Boop.

Televangelists say "PRAISE THE LORD". Tressel says, "PRAISE THE WINS".

Televangelists typically have a live audience in attendance that was carefully selected to make sure only people with the brains of a turnip are present. Tressel has the "horseshoe" at the stadium in Columbus.

Televangelists prey on stupid people to give them money. Tressel? Draw your own conclusions.

Some televangelists have eventually been exposed as frauds. They've been defrocked and even sent to prison. With Tressel, the NCAA investigation is on-going.

Televangelists write books and idiots stand in line to pay exorbitant prices for autographed copies. Tressel wrote a book. Since his recent notoriety, chances are it's flying off the shelves. Autographs are probably worth even more. Did I mention idiots?

Televangelists reach out and try to touch the minds of young people, so they can have them in their flock. The preachers understand that enlisting such vulnerable minds will pay dividends later. Tressel has allegedly recruited at the junior high school level.

Televangelists hate smart, objective reporters, that aren't swayed by the BS. These days, Tressel hates press conferences, where those same pesky folks have a bad habit of showing up.

At that, televangelists are a slick bunch. They don't sweat being caught in lies, because they're very adept at changing the subject, shifting blame, and moving on to something else. After a couple news cycles, things will die down and it will be business as usual. Politicians are masters of this, but that's a story for another day. Tressel? He gets it.

In the end, what's the main difference between a televangelist and Jim Tressel?

The preachers are smart enough never to sign anything that might be incriminating later.

Bad move, Jimbo.

And I wish he'd quit with the camo garb. First, Jimmie Johnson and his Miami Hurricanes patented that bit a couple decades ago. Second, a dweeby little nerd will never be mistaken for Rambo. It looks more like Barney Fife in fatigues. And for crying out loud, lose the rouge. Even Barney had more self-respect than that.

No comments:

Post a Comment