Friday, May 5, 2017

On-going silliness. Well then

The TV talking heads, and particularly game announcers, seem to be a breed unto themselves. These people can and do get all worked up over the silliest of things. One way or the other, they'll always come up with a "first".

Did you know that particular point guard is the FIRST one to be exactly 6 feet, 2 and 3/4 inches tall, score ten points in a game, have a 75 year old great-aunt named Gertrude that lives in Peoria that once won a quilting bee at the tender age of 43, and to this very day still not only has a veggie garden, but somehow, incredibly, never misses  watching her grand-nephew playing in televised games?

Holy miracle, will decry their partner. This is a notable first indeed.


Well then. That would seem to beg two questions.

The most obvious would be -- WHO CARES?

The second would be, who are the geeks that actually research this sort of nonsense, and how do they find it?

Wake me up when something worthwhile might be on the horizon. Like -- a major leaguer having a 55 game hitting streak -- one shy of Joe D's all-time record. No, not 40, or even 50. Fifty five. Or another having 70 home runs with a couple weeks still left to play in the regular season. I don't want to hear about some guy getting hot in May or June belting out a dozen dingers. Lots of people have done that. This is not big news.

Predictably, the Toronto Raptors are quickly succumbing to the Cleveland Cavaliers. Yet the TV folks just have to show the viewers a pep talk head coach Dwane Casey was giving his team. The Captain of the Titanic could have rallied his troops as well, but there was no escaping the inevitable. They're going down.

Observation. A noticeable trait of the good Mr. Casey was his long pointed ears. Almost Mr. Spock-like of the Star Trek series.

Well then. Does trying to convince his team otherwise sound "logical"? May Casey and the Raptors live long and prosper indeed, but they're not getting anywhere near an NBA title any year soon. Who's kidding who here?

LaVar Bell, the father of three up and coming athletes, noticeably Lorenzo of UCLA hoop fame, wanted a BILLION dollar shoe contract for his young-uns. Also predictably, he didn't get it. There were likely many guffaws in the board rooms of such manufacturers. Who does this guy think he is anyway?

The question has been posed as to whether daddy's act is hurting Lorenzo's draft stock. Of course it is.

Well then. Put yourself in the shoes, no pun intended, of any NBA team. Your scouts have checked out Zo and you've watched enough film to know what he is or is not capable of at the next level. One question remains.

Do you really want to draft this kid, knowing the jive turkey, self-entitiled clown act dad will likely come with the package? You'd better be convinced the young Bell is the next coming of Kawhi Leonard, Steph Curry, or James Harden if you're going to risk bringing the circus to town. True, crazy parents of NBA players have been there before, but this guy seems to be breaking new ground in the looney-tune department on a daily basis. Yes, the local media can typically be counted on to be "homers", but don't think they won't turn on you if your franchise gets turned into a Moe, Larry, cheese, slapstick act. Even they have their limits. Careful with this one.

Speaking of homers, it was comical to read a Detroit area writer wondering whether Tigers' designated hitter Victor Martinez might be getting close to the end of the road.

Well then. Let's see. Can anybody even remember if and when V-Mart was able to field a position? He's pushing 40 years old, can't field, can't throw, is slower than molasses on the base paths, and his only apparent function over the past few years as been as a DH. He's currently batting around .230. This is the Tigers' idea of a designated hitter? Really?

What yon scribe quite likely should have addressed is whether former stars Justin Verlander, Miguel Cabrera, and Ian Kinsler will be fading away soon, if they haven't begun so already. JV's lost a couple MPH on his fastball and no longer even bothers to try and throw his once devastating split-finger pitch. Miggy keeps getting more and more injury prone, and his Triple Crown season a while back seems like a long time ago. His stats have dropped off dramatically. Same with Kinsler.

The Detroit Tigers' long term prognosis looks poor indeed.

Sports channel surfing during the afternoon has become almost unbearable. See Rachel on one show yammering away. She'll typically go into a 5 minute op-ed piece before finally throwing out a question to her panel-mates. Then she'll quickly interrupt their answer with even more yappiness. Michelle is much the same way. Always bubbly and blathering on. If one can suck it up and watch the whole telecast, when it's over, it's kind of like Seinfeld used to be. A show about nothing but dopey people talking to each other.

Yet the coup-de-grace has to be First Take. Mercifully, they finally broomed the nails on the chalkboard Skip Bayless. That man could drive the Pope into strapping on a suicide vest of explosives.

And Stephen A. Smith, the yappy little fella that gets more and more wound up as the show goes on -- does he have a hidden IV drip of "speed" while on the air? -- typically loses all manner of composure somewhere along the line. Quite a load -- that guy. Drip, drip, drip.

So who did they put in Skip's place? The one and only Max Kellerman. The same guy that got broomed from Around the Horn due to sagging ratings, and replaced with Toni Reali.

Just when you thought Stephen A. had a lack of objectivity -- see bias -- the Maxster has certainly gone him one better.

Kellerman is not only the paragon of "political correctness", he's taken it to a whole new level. This dude is apologizing for athletes before they've even done anything wrong.

On the subject of Lebron James, Kellerman states if the Cleveland Cavaliers win another NBA title this year, James should be hailed as a hero. Well, OK.

But then he goes on to say if the Cavs come up short, Lebron shouldn't take any of the blame. After all, they're not SUPPOSED to win with the Golden State Warriors having added Kevin Durant to their already potent line-up.

Well then. In other words, according to Max, it's heads Lebron wins, and tails he can't lose.

Put the two of them together, combine with Rachel and Michelle, throw in Ryen Russillo and his inane TV/radio program, whatever it is, and you've got yourself the makings of some seriously boring afternoon sportscasts.

Of course, Dan LeBatard and  Bomani Jones follow it up with a "Highly Questionable" program indeed. It's only redeeming value seems to be the input of "Poppy", Dan's father. Want to make it even semi-interesting? Stop censoring (bleeping) the old man when he goes off. If whatever he's saying is good enough to get the other guys laughing, let us hear it too. And what words can he possibly say we haven't all heard before at least a thousand times? Please.

As evening approaches, we're greeted by Toni and his roving band of talking heads. Sometimes worthwhile, but mostly not.

Then on to Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon. Pardon the interruption? OK, for a few minutes, if you guys have anything new to add, rather than the same old rehashed tripe we've already heard in hours past on the same network(s).

The last insult comes with the tag-team of Michael Smith and Jemele Hill on the "Six". The powers that be have hyped this show to the max with incredibly stupid commercial spots and, yep, it's pretty well proven out to be much of the same. With any luck, the Six will get the Deep Six, and the sooner the better.

Well then. You think the ongoing political battles will drive you crazy?

Tune into the 4-letter network for a whole afternoon of this nonsense, and one might start thinking those lovable Dems/Reps, libs/cons, lefties/righties, and their whole gangs of childish, insulting, partisan, accomplish nothing nitwits are quite entertaining by comparison.

Tis a sad state of affairs indeed. WAY too many talking heads and, of those, precious few that have anything worthwhile to say.


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