Saturday, November 29, 2014

Lazarus and Marshall football

The name Lazarus evokes a couple different trains of thought. First, according to scripture, Lazarus was a poor man, a beggar, that was brought back to life by Jesus four days after he had died. If I remember the good book correctly, Lazarus would live to be as old as Regis Philbin -- or your average Supreme Court justice.

The other Lazarus was from a Star Trek episode. Actually, there were two of them. One consisted of matter, and the other of anti-matter. As Trekkies know, if identical forms of matter and anti-matter ever meet, it will be the end of the universe. Poof, all gone. Even Judge Judy. Plus, these two guys hated each other but both somehow thought that by killing the other, their universe would reign supreme while the other's would disappear. Kind of like the Republicans and Democrats. But they could not be allowed to actually meet, or the poof thing would happen. Poof is not recommended when it comes to universes. So Captain Kirk, who has lived to be almost as old as your run-of-the-mill biblical patriarch, in his infinite wisdom, arranged for the two Lazari to be at each other's throats for all eternity -- yet forever sealed in the small confines of a space capsule in another dimension. The universes were safe. Hurray. But those two poor devils would slug it out until the ends of time. Wouldn't it be nice if we could do the same thing with Congress and the President? However, at the very end of the episode, Kirk would lament, "But alas. What of Lazarus?" A regular Lawrence Olivier, that James Tiberius Kirk was. Ahem.

In the almighty NCAA football rankings, there's only one undefeated team, right? Florida State. Wrong. Though continued to be buried somewhere between #20 and #25, Marshall was also undefeated. Sure, they play in a "non-power" conference, but how do we know they're not as good as the big boys? Undefeated is undefeated. How can teams with 2 or 3 losses continue to be ranked above them? Shouldn't the Herd get a shot at the big time playoffs?

What's that, you say? Marshall just got beat by Western Kentucky 67-66? Get outta here. That had to be a basketball score. No? It was a football game? Really? Dang. OK, tell me more.

Turns out, the 133 total points in a football game were for real. Tied for the third most all-time. Plus, despite 7 interceptions between them, the two QBs combined for 15 touchdown passes. Plus a running back for each team gained more than 230 yards rushing. Befitting the whopping 67 points they surrendered, the Herd defense was stampeded to the tune of a Boeing-esque 738 yards. At home. By Western Kentucky? The same Hilltoppers that had a yawnish 6-5 record going in?

Well then. Nobody's perfect, except maybe in the minds of Rachel Maddow and Lou Dobbs. A bad outing happens every once in a great while. And hey, when a team like the Thunderng Herd has a head coach named Doc Holliday, it's only a matter of time before a shootout at their own corrale doesn't turn out OK.

This post would have been a lot easier to write if only they had remained undefeated. Then yours truly could have further ranted about the injustice of them not getting a "shot" at the Final Four while others with losses most certainly will. To start off with one idea, then have it trashed and have to fall back on a feeble mind/imagination and just plain silliness isn't the optimum scenario.

Nevertheless alas, what of Marshall indeed? Instead of a shot at glory, losing only one game by only one point will likely doom them to an appearance in the Outhouse Wild Chick Military Potato Duck Bowl.

Oh yeah, you Go Daddy.

Does she have a bowl too? Hell, everybody else does.


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