Saturday, January 28, 2017

Idle thoughts and geezers

Idle thought #1. Why does that company keep insisting "we are farmers"? Hey, if I wanted a bushel of corn or a truck load of sugar beets I'd give them a call. But what's that got to do with insurance?

When it came to the finals of the Australian Open, it appeared to be the geezer tournament. Venus Williams -- age 36. Serena Williams -- age 35. Roger Federer -- age 35. Rafael Nadal -- age 30. Wait a second. How did a young pup like Nadal get in there? Somebody card that dude.

Didn't anybody tell these people that pro tennis players are supposed to be washed up by the time they turn 30?

Idle thought #2. But that's not nearly as bad as gymnastics, especially the women's variety. Those poor young lasses are put out to pasture before they're even old enough to vote.

So OK. Serena whupped Venus. Yawn. It will be nice when these two grunters and screamers finally go away.

Idle thought #3. And what is it with that anyway? Why do so many female tennis players have to shriek every time they hit the ball? You don't hear the men doing it.

And Nadal will probably do the same to Federer. How do I know this? Because I'll be rooting for Federer, and that's the kiss of death. That, plus the age difference, and the fact that Nadal is a whopping 23-11 all time against him.

Idle thought #4. Charles Barkley was right. When your best player barely stands 6 feet tall, you're never going to win a championship. Such is the plight of the LA Clippers and guard Chris Paul.

Idle thought #5. Some things are just pitiful, hard to look at even. Exhibit A would be the free-throw attempts by Clipper Deandre Jordan. This dude shoots, if you want to call it that, charity shots like one would expect of Ray Charles or Helen Keller. What's that you say? They were both not only blind, but are now dead? Exactly the point. Did I say it was ugly to watch in action?

Speaking of geezers, 41 year old Tiger Woods is back in the news again. When is he not? At the Farmer's Open mentioned at the top of this article, Wood couldn't even make the cut. Actually, not even close. But that didn't stop the TV folks from force-feeding their audiences another slew of Tiger replays. Hey, what's up with that? Instead of the leaders of the tournament, we get more of Eldrick? The dude hasn't won a tournament in almost 3 years. Tell ya what. Woods might as well run for President, Pope, or Emperor of planet Earth. It doesn't matter what he stands for or how good he is, the legions seem to flock behind him. He was great once, you claim? Sure he was. So was Jack Nicklaus, but he's never going to win another tournament either. Does anybody want to see clip and after clip of Jack's finest moments when they're trying to follow a current tourney? Well then.

Idle thought #6. The Detroit Pistons have thudded into the basement of their division. This should come as a surprise to absolutely nobody. Besides a lack of talent, their management structure is ludicrous. Stan VanGundy is the head coach. Up from him are two -- count em -- two general managers whose duties remain a total mystery. Those two guys report to -- you got it -- Stan VanGundy, the president. Does anybody know who's in charge of what? How screwed up is that? This team has morphed from the Bad Boys to the Sad(sack) Boys.

Not to be outdone is the owner himself, one Tom Gores. He had a perfectly good arena for his team to play in, which the previous owner had paid for out of his own pocket. The Palace of Auburn Hills was, and remains a world class facility. What did Gores do? He dumped $10 million into improvements and upgrades for the Palace, then turned around and moved the team to Detroit. So the updated and completely paid for Palace will now sit empty while Gores and his new-found pal Mike Ilitch -- owner of the Detroit Red Wings -- share a new arena still under construction the Red Wings didn't need either. And the people of Detroit, struggling to make ends meet (in a city struggling to emerge from bankruptcy itself), will get socked with another tax to pay for it. Is it any wonder this clownish franchise finds itself in last place? To boot, the Pistons recently gave their best player, one Andre Drummond, a max contract. Millions and millions of dollars coming out of his ears. He shoots free throws pretty much like Deandre Jordan. These guys are NBA professionals and can't do any better than that? Your average 12 year old, boy or girl, would smoke either of them in a free-throw shooting contest. It's shameful.

Detroit Lions fans are already looking ahead to next year. Well, of COURSE they are. They've been doing the same thing, year after year, for over half a century. Next year will be the one, they say. And the team will no doubt raise ticket prices again, because that's what THEY do. Never mind the Lions haven't won squat since the Eisenhower administration. They know the suckers will pony up again because they...just...don't...know...any...better.

In a way, it's truly laughable but, more than that, it's just sad. How can that many people remain so blissfully ignorant for so long?

Like the wise man, or at least wise guy Mr. T once said -- I pity the fools.

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