Part III. The Lions

It's almost easy to foresee what may become of the 2017 version of the long suffering Motown puddy-tats. There are three possible scenarios. I'll get back to that.

First up, as has been noted in this space in the past, the Lions have been the beneficiaries of every conceivable break (aka dumb luck) to date this season. From scheduling to star players on other teams being injured when the Lions have faced them.

The schedule.

The Arizona Cardinals, a win, aren't any good this year.
The NY Giants, another W, are absolutely horrible.
They defeated Minnesota when the Vikings were freshly down to their third string quarterback.
(Of course that same guy, one Case Keenum, after a few games under his belt, promptly marched into Detroit and spanked the Lions on Thanksgiving day.)
They caught the Green Bay Packers with all-world QB Aaron Rodgers having recently suffered a broken collar bone. A win, but tainted.
Beating Cleveland? The Campfire Girls could beat the Browns.
Two games against the always woeful Chicago Bears.
Another versus the sorry Tampa Bay Bucs.
Next week it will be Cincinnati. If Marvin Lewis is still the head coach there, the Bengals will still be awful. He is, and they are.

Could it possibly have been any easier for the Lions along the way? It borders on the incredible.

It should be noted they have yet to defeat a team with a winning record, the above-mentioned first go-round with Minnesota aside.

Scenario #1 has the Lions defeating the Bengals to set up a showdown with the Packers in the final regular season game, quite possibly for a wild card berth.

But hang on. In Aaron Rodgers' first game back, the Pack has to go to Carolina, a team known for it's ferocious pass rush. Then the Cheesers have to face Minnesota, which is sailing along at the top of the NFC north division, and also possesses a top notch defense. Rough sledding indeed. Should the Packers lose either of those games, even if Rodgers stays healthy throughout, coming back so soon from his injury, Green Bay would likely shut him down for the year. What's the point in risking your star QB, though medically "cleared to play", when he probably isn't 100% fully mended? If that happens, the Lions would get the Packers minus Rodgers once again. Another unbelievable stroke of luck.

But if, a big IF, Rodgers and the Pack get through that two game gauntlet against good teams, while the Lions are, as noted, feasting on more bad ones, Scenario #2 comes into play.

With the Lions and Packers both having 9-6 records and a wild-card berth possibly on the line, people in Detroit would be worked up to the proverbial fever pitch when the Packers came-a-calling in Week 17.

And you just know what would happen. With their entire season on the line, the Lions and their fans would be left gasping in frustration/disbelief/shock/horror -- take your pick -- after the Packers and Rodgers came to Ford Field and knocked them off.

It would be a fitting end for just another year of the same old Lions story. Up, up, up, they go -- hype/hope city all the way -- only to crash and burn one more year. Down, down, down they plummet when it matters most.

However, if they get that far, Scenario #3 is possible.

The Lions actually stumble and bumble their way into the playoffs. As a commenter on this blog once noted, even when they win, they look bad.

And that potential playoff game would be on the road with a -- gasp -- winning team. Which the Lions have proven all year they can't hang with.

That's when their primrose path, dumb luck, and all the other breaks not of their own doing suddenly come to a simultaneous screeching halt.

Can you spell b-l-o-w-o-u-t?

Know why?

Because as sure as the sun (and new lovers) are hot, ice (and exes) are cold, and it gets dark at night, the Lions's season is going to end ugly again, whichever of the three scenarios plays out.  The ever-gullible Motown faithful can root, root, root for their Honolulu blue and silver boys to get to a (cough, gag, choke, barf, puhleeze) Super Bowl every year, with their always super-homerish media peddling their usual snake oil every step of the way, but the chances of that happening are about as good as Anderson Cooper and Rachel Maddow deciding to get married and have a bunch of kids. Some things just aren't meant to be. It's the natural, or perhaps unnatural order of things.

And hey, while the players turn over every year and the coaches occasionally change, it's still the Lions and the Ford family that owns them -- right? An "estate planner" was recently named president of this NFL franchise by the doddering old widow that still owns them? One who admitted he knew nothing about pro football? Really? What does he do? Make out the last wills and testaments for the players?

Well, there you go. It's the Lion way. Always has been.

What's one more year on the already half century plus scrap heap of futility?