Detroit Lions. Thud

The best thing that happened to the Detroit Lions in their season opener against the NY Jets was when the game clock finally expired. The final score? As this is written, unknown, but the Lions were behind by 31 points (48-17) deep into the fourth quarter. More on that later.

It started off great for Detroit. On the first play of the game, Jets rookie quarterback Sam Darnold make one of the stupidest throws yours truly has ever seen. Rolling out right, he lofted a wounded duck back to the left side of the field. In the time that ball was in the air, any defensive back could have come from twenty yards away to pick it off. And so it happened. Interception, runback for a TD and presto, 7-0 Lions only 10 seconds into the game. The home town Lions' fans were geeked.

Little could they know, from then on it would turn into a nightmare.

Detroit's Matthew Stafford, the gazillion dollar man, would return the favor in spades. At last look, he'd tossed three interceptions, including a pick-six himself. And of course, the Lions had no running attack. They haven't had since the heady days of Barry Sanders, and that was two decades ago.

Their defense? The usual Keystone Kops.

Even the usually reliable place kicker David Prader was missing field goals he normally makes with ease.

And now a word from their sponsors.

This got even more pitiful. It was a truck commercial for the Detroit area Chevy dealers. They were offering a Labor Day special. Problem is, Labor Day was a week ago. The "special" would run for a week, through Sept. 10th -- which was today. And it was broadcast at 10 PM, when the dealers have already closed up shop for the day. So the sale they advertised was already officially over when the spot went on the air. Only in Detroit could this happen. Talk about clueless.

And so the highly anticipated Matt Patricia era as head coach of the Detroit Lions has now begun.

With a colossal THUD!!!

Getting blown out by the Jets -- the JETS?? -- at home? Somebody close the curtain on this sorry act -- please.

It appears that's just what ESPN did. With 6 minutes left in the game, they switched over to pre-game coverage of the Oakland/LA Rams game. Instead of live action, viewers were treated to a typical yappy head, a rookie ex-jock in the booth, and -- get this -- a talking Booger. That's right. The four-letter network preferred to feature a Booger on TV rather than any more of the Lions.

How bad is THAT?

Typically, a broadcaster will stick with the "early" game until its completion, then join the "late" game in progress. But not this time. They couldn't get the Lions off the air fast enough.

So at this writing, I don't know what the final score was. Maybe they'll announce it during the Raiders/Rams game. The only question seemed to be was whether the Jets would break 50 points against the sad-sack Lions. They only needed one more field goal.

Something tells me this is going to be a l-o-o-o-o-g season for the Detroit Puddy Tats.

And they probably just trashed their way out of any future Monday night national broadcasts for another few years. Broadcast execs don't want to see this tripe. It's bad for ratings, hence sponsors, hence money.

Then again, they should have known better in the first place.

After all, they're still the Lions.

It's just the latest version of a clown franchise.

But even yours truly, once a fan of theirs many moons ago, long-ago turned cynic (when Barry had had enough and took a hike -- I did as well), didn't think they'd be this el-stinko bad.

Pee-yew.