Though I used to be one -- long suffering at that -- I quit cold turkey on being a Detroit Lions fan roughly 20 years ago. I honestly can't remember how many of their games I went to at the now demolished Silverdome, but it was a lot. Maybe 40 over the years? And yeah, I was there when they trounced the Dallas Cowboys back in 91 or 92, I forget, for the only playoff win in their sorry history.
But when Barry Sanders had seen enough of the incompetence and losing ways, and took a hike while leaving countless millions of dollars on the table -- not to mention the all-time NFL rushing record well within his grasp -- that was good enough for me. I walked with him and haven't looked back. If anything, I root against them these days. Mostly just chuckle at their on-going ineptitude. And oh my, I've save countless thousands of dollars by doing so. No regrets.
Yes, I used to be one of the sappies that thought every year was going to be THE year. But it never was, of course. Like a mirage in the desert or the end of a rainbow. Easy to believe in, but always staying out of reach.
So it comes as no great surprise to yours truly that the Motown Puddy Tats currently find themselves with a 3-5 record with yet another season poised to go on the ever-growing scrap heap.
First they got absolutely torched -- at home -- by the lowly NY Jets. Then off to San Fran, where the not-so-good 49ers handed them another L.
I'm still flabbergasted that they somehow, incredibly, managed to defeat the New England Patriots in Week 3. Were Brady/Bellichick and Co. under the influence of mind altering drugs? How in the hell did THAT happen?
Then down to Big D, where another so-so at best Cowboy team beat them.
That should have been just about enough.
But no. The Green Bay Packers and, in particular, their place kicker, were going to hand the Lions a miracle win the following week.
Mason Crosby, one of the longest tenured kickers in the league, and arguably one of the most reliable, somehow managed to miss three easily makeable field goals, and an extra point try to boot, no pun intended. Did he get into whatever it was that made the Pats go goofy in Detroit?
That's 10 points the Packers would normally have had. The Lions would win that game by 8.
After a win against a still, and seemingly always lousy Miami team, Lions fans had hope -- again. Sigh. Suckers.
Until the Seattle Seahawks smacked them down the following week. Again at home.
The recently concluded Minnesota Viking game showed just how terrible the Lions remain.
Vaunted QB Matthew Stafford couldn't even manage a single touchdown?
And he got sacked ten -- count-em -- TEN times? In ONE game?
Dang.
The Viking defensive front is OK, maybe even pretty good. But it's not like they're the Steel Curtain Pittsburgh once had, the Doomsday D featured by Dallas long ago, the Killer Bees of the Dolphins, Da Bears awesome 46 defense of 1985, or even the Purple People Eaters the same Vikings had way back in the 70s.
Ten sacks? Who or what were those guys in the three-point stance in front of Stafford on every play? Professional offensive linemen, or cardboard cut-outs of same?
Ten sacks? The next guy to be sacked ought to be the O-line coach.
But you just know what's going to happen.
The Lions will win a couple more games, just enough to give the sappies another shot at "hope".
They've still got home and away games against the Bears, though the Chitown brutes seem to be showing a bit of spunk this year.
And a couple of truly awful teams in the Buffalo Bills and Arizona Cardinals later on.
But c'mon. Get real. They're still "the same old Lions".
They made a General Manager out of Bob Quinn that was never more than a scout for New England. It's showed.
They hired a President that was -- wait for it -- a handler of estates. You know, wills, inheritances, trust funds and the like. And put him in charge of the whole operation, though he freely admitted he didn't know squat about the workings of an NFL team. This has also showed.
Just about the time George W. Bush was coming into the presidency, another disaster waiting to happen -- it did -- the Lions had their golden chance to turn their sorry ways around. A man named Bill Parcells was out there, and available. They should have offered him whatever he wanted. Complete control, name his salary, and sign him to a long term contract. Give him 10, 20 million a year. Who cares? It's not like the owning Ford family couldn't afford it. And there's no salary cap on coaches or front office personnel. Parcells knew NFL football through and through.
But no. They went out and got Matt Millen. And stuck with him for eight years. He didn't know anything, just talked a mean game. And the sappies bought it. It was the equivalent of throwing a depression on top of a recession. Down the tubes they went -- even further -- again.
Receiver supreme Calvin Johnson played a decade for the sad sack Lions and never knew what it felt like to win a playoff game. Poor dude arrived just in time for an historic 0-16 season. Welcome to Detroit Megatron. Are you having fun yet? He finally took a hint from Barry and walked in his prime as well, with enough dough in the bank and his body still healthy. Smart guy.
Matthew Stafford, for all the gaudy passing stats he's racked up over the years -- still hasn't won a playoff game. And his career record is well under .500. In fact, at 63-73, and about to turn 31 years old, it's doubtful he'll ever get above that mark. Especially with the sorry state the team, in all respects, remains.
Their local media peddling the usual snake oil/koolaid aside, the Lions are not a good team.
Not even close.
But it's just another year. After over a half-century of bumbling in every way conceivable, does it really even matter?
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