Tuesday, February 8, 2011

One easy way to tune out the crap

People say _____ in the greatest thing since sliced bread. Fill in your own blank. Television? The Internet? Microwave ovens? The "octagon"? Put Rush and Hillary in there for a death match, and I'd go along with that. But for now, I vote for the "mute" button. What a great invention.
At the Super Bowl, Christina Aguilera couldn't remember the words to the national anthem. The apologists are already out in force. She's done it so well before, they say. I don't care. She probably got paid more for those couple of minutes than most of us make in a few years. The least she could do was get it right. So here's a mute for you, Chrissie Ag.
To be fair, other so-called performers have done the same thing, but Francis Scott Key only wrote the original one way. Would it be asking too much for the people that sing it to stop disrespecting and butchering our country's song for their own little photo-op, ego reasons, and keep it that way? Here's a mute for them.
Halftime of the Super Bowl is not the time for black-eyed peas dancing around and carrying on. They got a mute. This is the time when a lot of toilets get used, munchies are reloaded, and the beer supply is checked.
Besides, those halftime shows cost a fortune. All of that is reflected in the price of everything from tickets to T-shirts to TV ads. If they wanted to get it right and hold TV fans' interest, why not bring in those fat guys (The Spare Tires?)  that danced at Pistons's games? They were hilarious and they'd probably do it for nothing, no stage and fancy sound equipment required. Put them on the field and let them go.
Beautiful cheerleaders are a dime a dozen these days. Evidently, they aren't capable or allowed to talk, so the mute button isn't necessary. But can you imagine if the fat guys were out there shaking their booties on national TV, and what would be talked about the next day? They'd make everybody forget about the beer commercials I mentioned before. And forget "lite". Sometimes heavy is better. And a lot more fun.
While we're at it, let's do away with the fighter jets flying over the stadium before the games doing nothing except making a lot of noise. They don't accomplish anything more than wasting jet fuel. A mute to them.
The moral of the story? Everybody should get a mute once in a while, probably especially me.
My two 4-legged bosses, otherwise known as yorkies, have it covered. I don't know how they figured out which buttons to push, but it sure seems to work. On me. Not them.

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