Friday, February 4, 2011

Stupid Super Bowl commercials and stick women

The Super Bowl is almost here. Thank God. At least when it starts it will put an end to a 2 week pregame show. You name them, and they're on the air or in newsprint. Between scribes, current and former coaches and players, analysts, and announcers, it's been everywhere 24-7.
What players eat, drink, where they go and what they do at any given minute has been hashed and rehashed. Press conferences with stupid questions abound. Everything about the teams, players, coaches, and possible game plans has been dissected to the point where biology teachers would beam with joy.
Las Vegas, other betting hubs, and even local bookies are trying to juggle the point spread. People that don't know the difference between a blitz and a Blatz have bought into football pools, that can range from a buck to a thousand bucks a "square". The sports bars will offer buffets and make a killing on alcohol at their Super Bowl parties. And the jails will be jam-packed Monday morning with drunken drivers because every available cop will be out there lurking. They won't be in good moods because they had to be on duty while everybody else was watching the game, so no, they're not going to give you a break.
While it's on, we'll get bombarded with commercials, specifically beer ads. I dare say most beer drinkers already know which brand they prefer, and a funny commerical isn't going to change that. If we wanted laughs we'd be watching the Comedy Channel and if we enjoyed young women with long hair, capped teeth, big attitudes and small chests insulting us, we'd go to a fashion show. If they want people to try their product, maybe they should stop spending so many millions on commercials so they could afford to lower the price. It always seems to be about "light" this and "lite" that, like everybody's supposed to be on a diet. If their goal is to make people thinner, then why do they sell it in "jumbos"? And what good are grooves in a beer bottle anyway? Tilt it up to your mouth and it comes out. This isn't exactly high-tech stuff. Employing models and actresses with a little more "full-bodied flavor" in the right places couldn't hurt either. Earth to Bud and Miller: Beer-drinking guys aren't into stick women unless it's very late and they've had way too much of your product.
Back to the game. In the end, it's just that.  A football game. Either the Packers or Steelers will be champions. A lot of money will change hands, champagne will flow in a locker room, the Lombardi trophy will be presented, millionaire players will get a fat bonus, a billionaire owner will briefly come out of seclusion, the breathless folks will rant about it for a week or so, and there will be a parade in Green Bay or Pittsburgh. And then it's over. A few days later nobody will care anyway.
On to the Daytona 500 and another season of roundy rounds, spring training for baseball teams, March Madness, watching the Tiger Woods extravaganza at the Masters and the Danica Patrick show at the Indy 500, whether they're competitive or not, and the NHL and NBA playoffs.
And trust me -- more stupid beer ads with stick women poking fun at the people that actually buy the product.
Which brings me back to yet another old commercial.
Where's the beef?


  1. You got that right John. We full figured ladies don't like the scrawny little twits getting in the way either. Tastes great is fine, but if you're going to look me up at closing time, you better bring more than less filling.

  2. To the other commenter. Full figured ladies is another word for fat. That's why you have to hang out until closing time to pick up a drunk that can't see straight. Good luck in the morning.

  3. You bimbos are nuts. The man was talking about the Super Bowl and beer commercials. If you want to have a cat fight try tequila. that makes everybody crazy.