For anyone who just emerged from a coma or parachuted in from another planet, Michael Jordan will turn 50 in a couple days. It's pretty hard to miss with all the hoopla that's been going on.
No doubt, Jordan was a great basketball player -- arguably the best there ever was. But this whole birthday thing seems a bit overblown. Check that, make that WAY overblown. Sure, anyone's 50th birthday is a notable occasion, and yes, it's our nature to particularly take heed when it's someone very famous, but this is getting to be a bit much.
For a sports fan, there's no getting away from it. It's on radio talk shows, and the sports talking heads on TV just can't get enough of it. Over and over, we're reminded that His Airness is closing in on 50. It's almost like counting down the minutes on New Years Eve. Sports Illustrated just devoted about half an issue to Jordan, including all 50 covers he's been featured on over the years. Whoa. With everything else that has gone on in the sports world over the years, one guy got 50 covers?
Ah well, that will all blow over in a few days once the magical day has come and gone. Nobody's going to get excited when he turns 51 -- I think.
If you think this is bad, mark down the date December 30, 2025 on your calendar. On that day something even more momentous will occur. There will likely be parades the world over. Newspapers will print an "extra". The aforementioned talking heads will get so excited, they'll spontaneously combust on the air. It could very well be an international holiday observed in every country on the planet. The masses will be so overwhelmed with absolute bliss due to the colossal event, they'll fall to their knees and begin speaking in "tongues". A little shy of 13 years from now, a truly stupendous occasion will befall us mere mortals.
Because on that day, one Eldrick "Tiger" Woods will turn 50.
God help us.