How Jim Leyland meets his Maker?

Yours truly has been a subscriber to Mad magazine for over 40 years. Still am, and proud of it. I imagine those piles of back issues I've saved and stored away over the decades would fetch a handsome price if I were to advertise them on eBay or the like. But I just can't make myself do it. Everybody has their loyalties, and one of mine is to the "usual gang of idiots" at Mad. Lord knows how much they've made me laugh over the years with their brilliant, if irreverent satire. Some things just aren't meant to be for sale. Priceless.

Why do I mention this? Because Mad has a regular feature in their mag that I'm going to swipe for the purpose of this article. They'll pick out somebody quite well known and, in a very tongue-in-cheek manner, handicap the various ways they envision that particular person might die. It's all in good fun, of course.

So with apologies to my heroes at Mad, I offer the following:

Celebrity cause-of-death betting odds.

Jim Leyland.

Defective Marlboro flares up, setting moustache on fire, which spreads to hair, which leads to head being engulfed in flames.............. 4:1

Returns to Miami (Little Cuba) to relive his only World Series championship and is last seen on a banana boat headed back south with Ozzie Guillen at the helm...............8:1

Falls off float during Detroit's Thanksgiving day parade and is trampled by high school marching bands...............15:1

After so many near misses with umpires -- bulging jugular veins finally rupture during heated rhubarb with a waitress at Denny's...............20:1

Skull breaks in half while trying to actually smile during Hall of Fame induction ceremony..........35:1

Has glorious, but fatal orgasm after winning Dancing With the Stars.............50 million:1