Friday, December 26, 2014

Marshawn Lynch and the "gesture"

The star Seattle Seahawks' running back appears to have a bit of a problem. Upon reaching the end zone after finishing off a 79-yard touchdown run against the Arizona Cardinals, Lynch did a 180 and grabbed his crotch as he was falling to the ground.

Though not penalized on the play, upon further review, the NFL offices assumed a more Victorian stance. They were not amused. Lynch would be fined $11,500 for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Coincidentally, or probably not, Lynch had pulled (no pun intended) the same stunt after a similar long run against the New Orleans Saints back in 2011.

Well then. How can such "ding-a-ling" behavior be semi-rationally explained, and what would the solutions be?

Let's consider a few possibilities. Both Phoenix and New Orleans typically feature very warm climates. Even in sub-freezing temperatures in, say, Green Bay, all NFL players are going to work up quite a sweat during the course of a game. Maybe the added exertion involved in a long run in an already hot stadium sends Lynch's nether region perspiration index over the top. A sudden attack of the itchy scratchies. The solution? Have a talk with Shaq and get some of that body powder he advertises. A "cup" full before the game might just take care of this problem. Not buying that? Me neither.

He's trying to strut his junk. The question then becomes -- to who? The cheerleaders? Pretty girls in the stands? Those watching at home on TV in the next road city the Seahawks visit? Nah. That might work if he was a Chippendale with a few layers of socks on his dangling participal, but he's a pro football player in full gear. See the cup mentioned above.

Lynch just can't resist "rubbing it" in when his team is already far ahead and he's just made a big play. This seems much more likely. At that, what's his point? A 28 year old acting like a spoiled third grader after a victorious romp on the playground his teammates made possible in the first place? If so, at that point there is no solution. Proper upbringing, or lack thereof, and DNA are what they are and there ain't no changing it. It was what is was and is what it is.

Here's wishing Marshawn Lynch nothing but the best in both football and real life. But despite his development in some ways, he's still got some serious growing up to do in others. Public crotch-grabbing -- for whatever reason -- never has been, and never will be cool. Typically, only "small" people exhibit such behavior.

Of course, Lynch could appeal his latest fine. And wouldn't you love to be the fly on the wall when he and/or his representatives tries to justify his action(s) on the video(s) to an arbitrator? One can only hope such an arbitrator is a woman. Methinks she just might cop a Victorian attitude as well.

Good luck with that.

Maybe he should powder-up, or down, anyway. Couldn't hurt....

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