Opinions vary on how or why a person is perceived to have "class". In all walks of life, some people seem to have it while others don't. There are those that just exuded it like, say, Sean Connery and the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. Others like, say, Mike Tyson and the ever-present Judge Judy -- maybe not so much.
So is one born with class? Acquire it through proper upbringing? Is it later teachable through such things as proper tutoring? Nobody seems to know for sure, but the rule of thumb is -- we know it when we see it, however it came about. And it's getting increasingly rare in all the above-mentioned various walks of life. True class is indeed on the endangered species list.
For the sake of argument, let's assume class is a matter of DNA. Either your parents' genes came together correctly to create it in you or they didn't. If this theory is true and one is born with no class, it's like "stupid". There just ain't no fixin' it. A recent political analogy comes to mind. Something about putting lipstick on a pig. One can dress such things up all they want, teach them amazing tricks, and spin reality for years attempting to make them appear as something else. Yet stupid will always be stupid and a pig will always be a pig. This is not a matter of fault, but the DNA is what it is.
Which brings me to the Masters and Tiger Woods. This is not to suggest Eldrick is stupid by any means, though it could be argued his behavior has been boarish, or is that boorish at times over the years? No, this is about class and/or the lack thereof.
Between golf fans, the media, and even/especially the players themselves, few would question the Masters tournament is a very special event. From the always magnificently groomed course at Augusta National, to the elite field that is allowed to participate, to the prestige and "immortality" that comes with winning a green jacket, to the accommodations for the participants, to the TV sponsors they will allow, and all the way down to the uniform dress code for caddies -- everything is in its proper place. The entire event radiates waves of class every year.
Love them or hate them for some of the stances the good folks at Augusta have taken over the years -- and one is certainly free to tune in or tune out -- decorum and gentlemanly behavior on the course remain paramount on their list. Though the public never gets to see the mysterious members of Augusta National while the tournament is taking place, make no mistake. They are watching as well.
And right now, after this year's opening round, they are likely not too pleased with the behavior of one Eldrick Tont Woods.
Yours truly watched Thursday's opening round action on ESPN along with millions of other folks. Tiger featured some of his usual antics. A horrible shot followed by a miraculous one to save par. After another duffer stroke, Tiger almost, but not quite, threw a club again. He flailed about on the course with mighty, if awkward swings, only to see 40 other players put him in their rear view mirror before the round was over. This was no doubt frustrating for the former King.
But class is class, and Woods once again showed he has none. On at least two occasions, he was clearly seen as yelling, "Goddammit" after yet another errant shot. Sure, the TV folks at the 4-letter network turned down the mikes and muted such utterances when the "live" (actually a few seconds tape-delayed) action and replays were shown. But it happened. These days few would question that live mikes and cameras everywhere have led to trouble for many others that got caught saying such things. Whether it's right or wrong to closely monitor participants in such a way is open to debate, but the audio and visual folks don't miss much these days. We just don't get to hear or see some of the juicy stuff, unless it suits the media for another "sensational" story.
And Tiger's on-course profanity likely didn't sit well with the powers that be at Augusta National. Nor should it. This is supposed to be about gentlemanly play -- gosh darn it.
So if yours truly was Billy Payne, the Chairman at Augusta National, here's what I would have done....
Send an official down to the course to inform Woods after the completion of his round that his presence was required in Butler Cabin.
Once there, Payne should have told Woods the following:
"Though your recent play certainly doesn't warrant it, as a former champion we extended an invitation to you to participate in our tournament this year. However, we find your language on the course to be deplorable and unacceptable by the standards we maintain here at Augusta National."
Woods may well have responded, "I understand and apologize, but it was in the heat of the moment and....."
Payne. "Did you ever see the movie Animal House?"
"Yes, those crazy frat boys, and funny stuff, but what's that got to do with....?"
"Good. Then you understand. You are now on double secret probation. If we see or hear one more foul word come out of your mouth on Friday, your round of golf will be immediately terminated at that point and you will be promptly ushered off the course for conduct unbecoming of our hallowed tournament. Further, a meeting will be quickly held to determine whether we decide to invite you back in the future. Bylaws and past rules of eligibility can be changed. We will not tolerate any such crude and classless language again, from you or anybody else. And don't even think about throwing a club. That will get you an automatic lifetime ban before you can even get to the airport on your way out of town. Any questions?"
"Um, no. Got it."
"Excellent. Good luck and have a nice second round. With a few breaks you might even make the cut. In a way we hope you get to hang around for the weekend. Your press conferences are a never-ending source of amusement amongst the members."
"You think I'm funny somehow?"
"Yes and no. On the course, we take such things very seriously. But after you won your first championship here and got to select the menu for the champions dinner the following year, you ordered cheeseburgers as the entree. That, with a bevy of world class chefs at your disposal. They were insulted and outraged, but the rest of the membership has chuckled over it ever since. Some people have class, and some never will, regardless of how much money they have."
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