Thursday, July 16, 2015

Tiger Woods and the Blues Brothers

So after one round Dustin Johnson is leading the Open at 7 under with Jordan Spieth two shots behind. Sound familiar?  A wry smile over Spieth's comment about DJ, his opening round playing partner. JS said DJ could occasionally bomb drives 380 yards, but Spieth " didn't have that option in his bag". He would have to make up for it in other ways. Hey, nobody has that option in their bag, unless he moonlights as a reporter and works with Lois Lane.

Almost predictably, Tiger Woods once again bumbled his way around the course and is 11 shots back after a single round. Even more predictably he let loose with yet another F-bomb. Some people are born with class and others acquire it, but there are those that are forever destined to never fully grasp the essence of being a class act. This flaw usually shows up in stressful or frustrating moments. One can groom a dog to perfection, teach it a lot of tricks, and it might win several awards at shows. But it's usually only a matter of time before it reverts back to its true nature and pees on something in the house when it thinks you're not looking. It's not their fault. They're dogs. This is what they do. For Eldrick to blaspheme on the hallowed course of St. Andrews is akin to the same behavior. A true gentleman would never, EVER do such a thing. To steal a line from the classic Blue Brothers movie -- this boy needs some serious churching up. Better yet, a few minutes in the woodshed with Granny Clampett or Adrian Petersen and a switch.

And right on cue, of course, was the obligatory post-round press conference with Tiger. So why is the media still interested in a player not even ranked in the top 200 in the world that finds himself tied for 139th place -- out of a total field of 156 -- after a single round? Forget winning, Woods won't even make the cut. Not even close. It's just a matter of how many more strokes he'll fall behind in Round two. Hopefully he can pull it off without more F-bombs, throwing or beating clubs into the ground, and other boorish behavior that seems to be in his DNA. Reverting to his mild mannered Doctor Jekyll mode in front of the cameras, Tiger said he made a few mistakes on the course. No kidding. That's like saying the Polish army on horseback were a bit off when they charged German Panzer divisions of tanks in World War II. That didn't work out so well either.

The question now becomes -- how bad does this guy have to get, and for how long, before the hero worship finally goes away? He's not coming back, in this tournament or in the future at others. Stick a fork in him. It's over. Like Woods once blew past the established stars, the current young guns have left him in their wake as well. It's only going to get worse.

Yet that poses another interesting possible scenario. Tiger Woods will turn 40 in December. Not exactly a geezer, but no spring chicken on the tour either. So what happens if his game continues to deteriorate and it becomes obvious he can't be competitive going up against the big boys? What then?
He'd have to wait 10 years until he turned 50 to qualify for the AARP, sometimes loosely called the Champions Tour.

Ten years is a long time to be in limbo. The prisoners in Gitmo can no doubt fully comprehend that because they don't have a choice. But yours truly isn't so sure what the likes of Eldrick Tont Woods will do in his 40s. Will he keep plugging away on the PGA and selling not only himself but the hordes of suckers that a magical comeback to glory is just around the corner? Is anybody dumb enough to believe that?  And how embarrassing does his play have to get before the spell wears off?

Here's at least hoping by the time he turns 50 -- whatever he's done during the previous decade -- the curtain has mercifully fallen on the Tiger Show. No more inane press conferences. No more incessant high and lowlight replays. And please God, no more sensationalizing every detail of his personal life. Who cares? He's a golfer, not the Pope. Just a dude being a dude. He's going to mess up once in a while. Seen his chips shots lately?

And though Jake has passed on, maybe Elwood can arrange for Tiger to have a long talk with a certain nun (The Penguin). She set the Blue Brothers on the path to salvation once upon a time. Perhaps she could work her sister magic with Woods as well.

Couldn't hurt to try.....

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