Just when you think you've heard every possible variation of limp-wristed and whiny apologetic rhetoric, a story like this comes along. We should all feel so, so sorry for poor Hue Jackson, head coach of the Cleveland Browns.
To which yours truly says -- shut up. Not a chance.
True, the Browns have long been a woeful NFL franchise, but Jackson knew that going in when he actively campaigned for the job and finally got it. Nothing much was expected of them this year and, as it's turned out, they've provided even less.
Cleveland was a very bad 3-13 last year. So far in 2016, they're 0-12, and could well match the Detroit Lions' futility of a winless season. I mean, who are they going to beat? They're just -- that -- bad.
Put another way, Jackson and his staff have not only failed to improve the Browns, but have somehow managed to make them even worse. You, I, or one of our pets could coach a team to an 0-12 record. That's some kind of seriously ugly.
Though this author tried to discover the terms of Jackson's contract, he was unable. It's like it's a big secret. Classified. Yet we can likely assume that as an NFL head coach, Jackson's making in the millions of dollars for contributing to what amounts to a gross display of incompetence. Further, it's almost a certainty his contract is for multiple years. Guaranteed, of course. No new head coach and/or his agent is going to sign on for a single season. It just doesn't happen.
At a recent press conference, Jackson was even more pitiful than his team has shown so far this year.
He stated that he hadn't even begun to open up his bag of tricks. To which one could logically reply, "Um, Hue, if you've got any football goodies you haven't shown yet -- now would be a good time. And BTW, where the hell have they been for a last three months?"
Another pearl of Jackson wisdom --- "Being 0-12 is the hardest thing ever". This, as his eyes appeared to well up with tears.
We should feel bad, just awful, that poor Hue is being made to go through such an ordeal.
NOT. Did I mention the millions of dollars he's making as his team has become a total embarrassment? The laughingstock of the league? Bet you wish you had a job like that. Screw up everything you touch but continue to rake in megabucks. You wouldn't cry, but rather jump for joy. This is hard???
And what is the alternative? If the Browns fire him, they're no doubt on the hook to pay him even MORE millions to sit around doing nothing at home.
Speaking of fired, Jackson's track record speaks for itself as well. He spent several single seasons with various other NFL teams as an offensive coordinator. The key word, of course, is "single". There's usually a good reason a coordinator is let go after one year. They aren't any good.
He also spent, you guessed it, one season as head coach of the Oakland Raiders. Though the black and silver crew went 8-8 on his watch, much more was expected of them. Therefore, Jackson was fired from there as well.
Why any team would want his services as a head coach would seem to be an interesting question. But hey, it's the Browns -- right? Just when you think that things can't possibly get any worse, they'll go out and put some guy like Hue Jackson is charge. Good grief.
And we're supposed to feel sorry for this dude? The multi-millionaire and counting that's presided over one of the most inept teams in the history of the league? And the worst that can happen to him is losing the remaining four games -- likely -- then being fired to collect piles of free money?
I think not.