Though it was kept low-profile, the Detroit Tigers recently sent a letter to all their season tickets holders begging for their patience while the team goes through the long overdue rebuilding process.
Translation? Keep buying them and we'll get better again. Promise. Someday. Maybe.
Yet if I was one of the recipients of such a letter, I would have crafted my own in response. To wit:
Dear Detroit Tiger ownership
As you know, I've ponied up countless thousands of dollars over the years to attend your games and otherwise support the team. I've drank the ridiculously overprice watered-down beer, and eaten the slop you pass off as food. Nobody would consume that at home. But I've hung in there.
However, you have yet to deliver a championship and, most years, are quite disappointing.
Through certainly no fault of my own, nor any other Tiger fan, the team has gone from bad to flat-out terrible. You sirs, through your own ineptitude and short-sighted ways, are squarely to blame for their current predicament.
Yet I am an open and fair-minded, objective person, so I propose a compromise.
Because you will quite obviously be putting an even more inferior product on the market for the foreseeable future, it would seem only fair that the prices you charge should be reduced accordingly.
With all due respect, only a fool would pay Cadillac prices for a Kia.
Therefore, please recalculate the next invoice you will be sending me to be more in line with fair-market value.
I would suggest at least 50% off what I paid last year. After all, you've been dumping high salaried players like the President does his advisers, so shouldn't your savings be passed along to your customers as well? What could possibly be fairer than that?
Any other business failing to do the same would likely find themselves OUT of business in short order.
When the current season finally, mercifully, comes to an end, I eagerly await your response to what I consider a most reasonable -- and logical -- proposal.
Perhaps we can work something out, but the current state of financial affairs is unsustainable.
And one more thing, if I may. Adjust the concession prices as well, and get some decent grub inside the stadium instead of the dog food, at best, that we have long been forced to tolerate. With the billions of TV money you and other franchises divvy up each year, not to mention paraphernalia sales, it's not like you're going to go bankrupt any year soon. Just be fair. Is that too much to ask?
Respectfully,
Joe Sappy.
PS. For now, but don't take it for granted in the future.
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