The bald revolution

True, in today's ever-politically correct world, which I continue to regard with more and more disdain by the day, there is no such thing as a bald person.

How can that be?

They are merely "follicly challenged".

That also means mankind has evolved to the point where there are no more short, fat, or stupid people.

See altitudinal, calorical, and functioning neuron challenges.

Well, guess what? If, as an adult, you stand four foot five, weigh 300 pounds, don't have a hair on your head, and possess an IQ of, say, 60, you're short, fat, bald, and stupid.

So there. It is what it is, and yours truly will never shy away from stating the obvious.

Nevertheless, this article is about how bald people are taking over the world of sports. They're everywhere these days.

ESPN is a big culprit in hiring so many.

Late night watchers can tune into Scott Van Pelt's "Sportscenter" wrap up show. Him and partner "Stanford Steve" Coughlin are both chrome domes.

"Pardon the interruption" features Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon. Nary a hair in sight.

Ryen Russillo, SVP's former partner on a radio/TV simulcast, shaves his head, what little hair is left up top.

J. A. Adande, a former reporter, talking head, and lately pursuing academic interests -- oops -- make that teaching -- this PC thing gets to me every once in a while -- has about as much hair as your average billiards eight ball.

Same with Kevin Blackistone. Full beard, but SOL on top as well.

Want to check in with a panel of "experts" regarding NBA action?

Go to TNT, and see the foursome of Shaq, Kenny, Ernie, and Chuck.

But put on your shades, because the light reflecting off their collective marble heads can be blinding.

Maybe it's a sign of age and yours truly is way behind the times. Yet I can remember when having hair, long hair at that, on both males and females, was considered to be cool. Or is "cool" an outdated word as well?

And yes, in recent years, just like my dad, and his dad before him, I have started to develop a bald spot on the back of my head also. It's not like I wanted it, but heredity kicking in. Hell of it is, I used to have quite a long pony tail. Maybe I just burned out those follicles over time. I don't much care about the bald spot because I never see it, and whacking off that tail a few years back definitely resulted in a much lower maintenance hair thing. Less shampoo, no need for a blow dryer, and twirling all those hair ties (rubber bands) a few times every day got to be annoying after a while. Shower, towel it off, a few strokes with a brush, and I'm good to go. No muss, no fuss, just like the commercials.

But I'm not about to shave my head either. Why would I want to do that?

Just so I'd have to shave it again every day to keep the bald look? That sounds like a whole lot of work. Shaving my face and neck (though I do have a mustache and am experimenting with a goatee for the first time) are hassle enough. But my whole head? That's nuts.

Like most everything else I suppose the old adages of "different strokes" and "to each their own" still apply.

If you were destined to be bald via heredity or somehow managed to dip your head in a vat of acid along the way killing off your follicles, OK, I get that.

But I'll never understand why so many people, men and an ever scary growing number of women, think the cue ball look is the way to go.

I recently walked into a new barbershop for a haircut, my old standby having retired. The barber himself was bald, so I was a bit leery and went to a different joint. People in the business of hair care should not be bald. Period. It sends a bad message.

I mean, c'mon, would you put your faith in an eye doctor that was blind? A hearing specialist that was deaf? A financial adviser that had recently gone bankrupt?

So on to the next barbershop I went. Upon entering, I quickly noticed the barber was a female. And BALD!!  Forget leery, I literally RAN out of there.

What is going on here? Has the whole world gone stark, raving, cue ball mad?

If this trend keeps on -- will it be mandatory that EVERYBODY has to shave their head? I'm guessing that wouldn't be such good news for those folks in the business of the vast array of hair products though, granted, disposable and electric razors would fly off the shelves.

I dunno. Maybe it's just another one of those fads that, hopefully, will pass. America seems to have gone from hippies to zippies, when it comes to hair.

And I don't have to like it.

Take that, PC police. As far as I'm concerned, that's always stood for Purely Cowardly, or Punk City anyway.