The Tiger Woods gag

You knew it was coming. They just can't help themselves. They being the TV people and their never-ending hero worship of one Eldrick Tont Woods, sometimes known as Tiger.

The Farmer's Open was going on at Torrey Pines golf course near San Diego, and OMG, guess who had entered it?

Once again, sound the trumpets and all ye peasants humbly bow in homage. His Majesty Tiger Woods is going to make another grand appearance.

It used to be, when Woods was dominating the PGA tour, many wagerers would take Tiger over the entire field to win any particular event. Nowadays, about the same odds are given as to whether he'll even make the cut.

So there was Eldrick, flailing away for the first two rounds. And holy Jumpin' Jack Nicklaus, by thunder he DID make the cut. Barely. On to the weekend.

Then, as sure as it gets dark at night, the inevitable happened.

The Farmer's Open became the Tiger Woods show. Never mind he was 9 or 10 shots back and hopelessly out of contention. The TV folks reverted to their old shenanigans. See Tiger putt. See Tiger mumble to himself. See Tiger stretch. See Tiger talk with his caddie. See Tiger standing on the course in between shots. From one camera shot to another, Eldrick was omnipresent.

[Note to TV people. Hey, there's a tournament going on here. You know, sixty or seventy other guys out on the course that are not only ahead of Woods, but most all of them ranked higher in the world. Can we see some of that please?]

Finally, a little more of the action.

Oops, Tiger is done playing for the day. Time for an interview. Of course it is. See a fawning commentator lob softball questions and otherwise drool over Tiger. Play goes on elsewhere all over the course.

[Um, guys. We're missing out on the action. We can hear the crowd roars for good shots but don't get to view them. Wasn't that why this tourney was televised in the first place? Good grief, man.]

At last, mercifully, they begrudgingly wind up the Eldrick chit-chat and return to following the leaders. Whew!!

The folks in the "booth" are still buzzing about Woods. Tiger this. Tiger that. Please.

And now we have......  Oh no, say it ain't so. But it is.

The television public is force fed a super slo-mo analysis of Tiger's swing with a complete break down of every nuance. Another roar goes up in the background for a great shot that we didn't get to see.

[Guys? Hello? Anybody home?]

Here comes a little more coverage of the live action. That's more like it. Thank you golf gods.

But no. Just when you think they've finally come to their senses, now the idiots are going to cram Tiger highlights of the day down our throats?

[Hey, what the hell's the matter with you fools? If you want to show this much of Eldrick, make a documentary of him and broadcast it later. Hopefully in the wee hours of the morning on some obscure cable channel. But NOT while the live tournament is in full swing.]

Yours truly will never understand it. Tiger Woods isn't #1 any more. Far from it. He's not even in the top 200. Or 500 in the world. Yes, he had his decade of greatness. But that was a long time ago. In the last few years, when he's even been healthy enough to play, he's pretty well stunk it up on tour.

So why, tell me WHY, does the cult-like fascination with this guy continue?

He's over-the-hillish agewise and there's zero chance -- NONE -- that he can compete with the younger guns now out on tour. And those guys are going to keep coming from all corners of the world. Golf has never been so competitive, which is a good thing.

Yet we remain stuck getting a has-been, one-time serial wife cheater shown to us over, and over, and over, and over again. Does this guy have to retire completely before the TV idolatry stops? Will it even then?

It's just about enough to make an open-minded golf fan gag.

Or at least reach for the remote. Every time his mug comes on the screen while not actually playing, chalk up a click.