Call me weird (trust me, I've been called worse), but I never have liked coffee, or tea for that matter. My wake up drink has long been a tall glass of V8 juice, a healthy shot of lemon juice, and a tablespoon or so of black pepper stirred in.
So there I was sipping away at my morning cocktail as I began to check out a few sports stories.
Lo and behold, I came across one written by a Detroit area scribe (long known for being more "homerish" than Babe Ruth, the Iliad, Odyssey, or Bart and Marge's boy), as he attempted to assess the current state of the Lions. OK, let's see.
Just a couple paragraphs in, there it was. "The Lions have a good nucleus".
I almost spit out my juice. Say WHAT???
Near as I've been able to discern over the last several years, they have Matthew Stafford, a quarterback who throws for a lot of yards, a couple decent, but hardly great defensive backs, and a really good place kicker. And that's pretty much it.
At that, yon scribe said Stafford was a "franchise" QB in his prime. True enough, if that franchise is the Detroit Lions. They seem to think a guy with a career win/loss record of 60-65 is the greatest thing since hi-def TV.
Let's throw in Detroit's version of the Georgia Peach is an abysmal 3-32 against teams with a winning record, and has yet to win a single playoff game after a decade of playing. Oh, he's in his prime alright. The question is -- prime of what?
But it didn't stop there. As mentioned above, the defensive backs, namely Glover Quin, Darius Slay, and Quandre Diggs, seem to be great -- in their own minds. How else to explain the Lions defense being ranked 27th out of 32 teams in passing yards allowed last season? One way or the other, these guys are getting torched.
Ah, but there are "no signs of wide receivers Golden Tate and Marvin Jones slowing down". Indeed. At best, they're B-grade receivers in the first place. How many other teams around the league do you think either or both of them could start for?
The offensive line remains Keystone Koppish. Nobody seems to know who's playing where on any given game day. And they give up a ton of quarterback sacks to boot.
Running game? WHAT running game? They haven't had a decent back since Barry Sanders took an early retirement 20 years ago. That's why Stafford racks up so many passing yards. Because he throws a lot. Because the Lions have had no rushing attack.
"All tight end Eric Ebron has to do is hang onto the ball"? Well, duh. Having a tight end that can actually, OMG, catch, is probably a good idea. So far EE has yet to fit the bill, and that's when he can stay healthy, which isn't often.
The defensive line hasn't been a factor since Ndamukong Suh and Nick Fairley departed for the greener pastures of free agency a few years back. Granted, they were both thugs (dirty players), but at least they were effective.
Linebackers? Quick, name one of the starters for the Lions. Even if you can, chances are good these guys wouldn't start for any other team. Good grief, they probably wouldn't even be on the roster of good ones.
However, yon scribe was correct when he said the Minnesota Vikings, Jacksonville Jaguars, and Super Bowl winning Philadelphia Eagles had turned things around dramatically since the year before.
It's theoretically possible.
Except for one thing.
They're not the Lions. The forevermore C- minus flat-liners of the NFL. In a good year -- for them.
But the thing that makes yours truly gag the most -- V8 or not -- isn't so much the team or the homer scribes that keep peddling the same snake oil/koolaid every year.
Those are to be expected.
What's REALLY sickening are the hordes of Honolulu blue and silver faithful that keep buying the same old schtick -- year, after year, after year, after decade, after decade.
WHATSAMATTUH with these people?
Are they just..... that..... dumb?
I mean, how many times does one have to be kicked in the head (and wallet) before they realize what they're doing is painful? And stop doing it?
Seems simple enough.
Maybe it's something in the Detroit air or water supply. They seem to think the NBA's Pistons have some sort of shot at being relevant as well. Next it will be the Major League Tigers, also a sad sack bunch. Hope springs eternal, right?
Yep, but especially in Detroit.
Mr. T of A-Team fame probably summed it up best years ago.
I pity the fools.
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