Idle rants

The recent Heineken beer commercials featuring former Formula 1 driver Jackie Stewart are pretty cool. "No thanks", to a free beer, he says. "I'm still driving", as a valet brings his super-duper sports car to the curb. WAY better than that limp-wristed (Neil Patrick Harris?) spokesperson that preceded him. Still, it's a beer commercial, not champagne or one of those sissy drinks with an umbrella sticking out of a glass. Hey, man up Heinecken. You're not helping your cause here.

What's worse than the sorry city of Detroit constructing a shiny new state of the art -- for a few years anyway -- arena for the pitiful Detroit Pistons and Red Wings (that they can't even come close to selling out because the teams are so bad)? The old one, Joe Louis Arena. He was a boxer, dumber than a rock, from Alabama, that wound up a broken stumble bum after his career in the ring, which ended over a half century ago. So they named a hockey arena after this guy? Only in Detroit.

Interesting how new Detroit Lions' head coach Matt Patricia used to look like Grizzly Adams with his unkempt beard while the defensive coordinator for the New England Patriots. Once he showed up in Detroit, he'd spiffed up and appeared almost gentleman-worthy. Almost. Hint to Matt. Lose the pencil over your ear, dude. I mean, whether in Foxborough or Motown, what good was a pencil when you never had anything in your hands to write on? Hello? (He called the defensive formations for the Patriots from a list -- that was laminated. Try to use a pencil to write on a piece of paper that's been laminated and see how well that works.)

Still, the good Mr. P faces a daunting task. No, not because other than a pretty good quarterback and an excellent place kicker the Lions are a mishmash of second/third rate talent. Thing is, with the ridiculously soft schedule -- and catching every break possible along the way -- they managed to win nine games last year. So anything short of ten wins in 2018 will make Matty P look like a step backwards. And good luck coaxing 10 Ws out of that sorry crew. He should enjoy the dough, because like all the others before, he just wandered into the graveyard for NFL head coaches. This is where they go to die. The Detroit Lions have been around since before WWII, but no head coach, once there, EVER got another head coaching job in the NFL. Odd, or maybe not, given the good-ole-boys coaching carousel we've seen so much of in recent times. EVERYBODY gets another crack. Unless they passed through the Lions' twilight zone.

It's laughable how Lebron James -- and so many of the media and fans -- think he's somehow in charge of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Hey, he's a player. A very good one, arguably the best -- but still a player. He doesn't get to decide who his teammates are. That's the purview of the general manager, via the draft, trades, and free agent signings. We all remember how dear Lebron wanted to come "home" and win a title for Cleveland. And so he did a couple years back.

But here's the thing. Why would Lebron come out publicly to say he was exercising the "no trade" clause in his contract if he didn't think the front office might be considering shipping him out? It might be the best thing they could do. Get a few serviceable players and draft picks in return to build for the future while he's still playing at a high level -- before Father Time takes his inevitable toll. And if he keeps mouthing off, maybe we'll have to change James to Jimmy. Just shut up and play. Only the groupies and idiots care about what he has to say.

The Daytona 500 in going off this Sunday. A great race. Sorta. The first few laps are always exciting, and we can count on a big pile up towards the end. The 400+ miles in between? Maybe not so exciting. Anyone want to guess when Danica Patrick will be involved in a wreck? You know it's going to happen. Let's just hope she doesn't take out some of the guys that have a legitimate shot at winning this thing.

BTW. Why is NASCAR the only sports entity that puts its biggest event at the start of the season, rather than at the end?

Can that be right? The Cleveland Browns of the NFL have $104 million bucks worth of cap space and 12 draft picks this year? Dang, they should be able to load up their roster and actually be competitive this year. Hmm. Nah, Hugh Jackson is still the head coach and it's still Cleveland. They'll find a way to screw it up, because that's just what they do. Only in Cleveland (or maybe Detroit) can a head coach go 0-16 and have their fans think he'll be the answer -- eventually. Sigh. As the noted Mr. T once famously uttered -- I pity the fools.

Uh oh. Eldrick must have entered another PGA tournament. How else to explain the nauseating Tiger "highlights" that keep popping up on the sports channels? But it's different than in years past. Used to be, the trendy bet of the day was whether or not Woods would conquer the entire field to win a championship. Nowadays, it's whether he'll make the cut or not.

Oh my. How the mighty have fallen indeed.

How many times do I have to say it?

Stick a fork in him. He's been done for years. The young guns on tour these days will smoke him like he once did the former generation. And that's just the way it goes.