The Detroit Lions and being pregnant

I'll admit, I didn't do my homework on this one. I don't know why, other than it was just one of those days. Stuff going on here, stuff going on there, and I just didn't feel like researching a bunch of stats. So I'm winging it from memory. If I get something wrong, email the sports editor. If that doesn't work, try the executive editor, the publisher, or the chairman of the board. If that still doesn't work, get hold of your congressperson, the President, the Pope, God, or even Charlie Sheen. I don't care. It's been one of those days.

That said, the Lions are 2-0 after getting by Tampa Bay on the road and blistering KC at home. What are we already hearing? Some of their receivers are working on their end zone touchdown dances in practice. Gimme a break.

Here's where the memory part comes in. Back in the 90's, after the Lions had a similar start to a season, they had adopted the Queen song "Another one bites the dust". The late Freddie Mercury  blared from the speakers at the Silverdome at a bazillion decibels. Barry Sanders was running wild. Al "Bubba" Baker was sacking opposing quarterbacks. Head coach Wayne Fontes was known for his big smile, big cigars, and cruising around in a golf cart. It was discovered later that a starting safety for the Lions, who had the nickname "Spider", seemed to be on some sort of mission to impregnate as many women as he could.

I don't know whatever happened to the original Spiderman, but I would imagine with him being a high profile athlete and making a lot of bucks --- when those babies started popping out, the mamas probably came-a-calling for some dough. Spiders might be mysterious creatures that can spin a lot of webs, 8 legs and all, but good luck with that with the Friend of the Court in Oakland County, even back then.

That team started off 4-0, and the fans were delirious with joy. Even though the Silverdome had a seating capacity of about 75,000, ridiculous by today's stadium standards, Lions' tickets weren't that easy to get. Of course, the prices of those tickets, parking, concessions, souvenirs, etc, went up like a helium baloon, but fans snapped all that stuff up anyway.

Then, guess what? The balloon popped. The Lions took a serious nosedive and didn't even make the playoffs that year. The only ones that bit the dust in the end was them.

Fast forward a few years. Freddie Mercury died of AIDS. The Lions hired Matt Millen.

Now, they're 2-0, and they're talking about dance routines. This is not only arrogant, it's stupid. Worse yet, the local media has picked up on it and is fanning the flames. I can maybe understand the younger football players, who rightfully don't care about what happened in the past, getting all geeked up, because they don't know any better.

I can even excuse the kool-aided local reporters, because they desperately want to write about a winning team.

But shame on you if you're a fan that goes back a ways. YOU should know better.

Oh well. Stranger things have been known to occur. Maybe they'll go to the Super Bowl. For that matter, maybe I'll be sitting at a desk in the Oval Office at that time. Let's just say I wouldn't bet on either.

However it plays out -- look at the bright side.

It beats getting knocked up by a spider.