Monday, July 2, 2012

Spicing up Olympic gymnastics

No doubt about it. The things Olympic gymnasts can do are incredible. But it could be better. Here's a few ideas on how to make it way more interesting.

The lady's "balance beam" would seem to require the utmost in concentration. It's only 4 inhes wide and those girls are doing all manner of twists, jumps and cartwheels on it. The crowd in attendance and TV cameras don't seem to faze them. It's like they're immune to pressure. After all, what's the worst that can happen? They fall off the beam and land on a foot of padding. Big deal. Want to spice it up? Get rid of the padding and put a foot deep pond swarming with hungry snapping crocodiles underneath the beam. THAT would be pressure. And can you imagine the TV ratings?

In this day and age of supposed equality, why do the opposite sexes still have different routines to compete in anyway? Boys do this, but girls don't. Girls do that, but boys don't. Why not swap a few things around and have a little fun with it? It would be interesting to see what the men could do on the balance beam. Walking a 4 inch straight line doesn't sound so tough. Unless, of course, the man is a member of the Detroit Lions that got pulled over by the cops and was given a field sobriety test.

Consider the "rings". Only the men participate. It used to be quite a feat for one of them to hold the "iron cross" position for a few seconds. Now they all make it look routine. Why not put the ladies up there and see what they can do? Show me a girl that can hold the "iron cross" while smiling and not flinching, and I'll show you not only a gold medal winner, but a future attorney that will make millions representing women in divorce cases. See "hungry snapping crocodiles" mentioned above.

The Olympics has the "pommel horse" backwards too. The equivalent ladies' event has them getting a running head start, jumping on a mini-trampoline, then bouncing off the horse, and doing spins and flips trying to "stick" a perfect landing. Meanwhile, the men mount a different sort of "horse", with a couple of handles. They proceed to go back and forth across the horse twirling around and flipping their legs every which way. Why not switch the two events? Sure, it might be boring to watch the men do what the women do now, but putting the women on the pommel horse to "walk" back and forth with their hands, while constantly gyrating their legs, might accomplish something far more significant than any athletic contest. It could cause a sexual revolution as millions of young couples experimented with such moves in the privacy of their own bedrooms. Studies have shown Americans are getting more obese every day, and what better way to get in shape?

Why do men compete on a single high bar, while women compete on two "uneven" bars? That seems dumb. Why not combine the two? Make it one higher bar and two lower bars, one to each side, for both sexes. Or two high bars with a low one in the middle. Either way, the routines would get more interesting.

The "floor exercise"? Every Olympics the padding seems to get thicker. Nowadays that mat has more bounce then an unpopular President starting a war in an election year. These Olympian boys and girls are supposed to be the best, so why not hold them to that standard? Forget all that padding. One word. Concrete. Street dancers do the same thing all the time -- so the Olympians should have no problem.

While entertaining as is, this could all be so much more interesting if the people in charge used their imagination.

On a personal note -- heal up quickly from your surgery Randy -- but while you're recuperating remember what I said about the "horse". LOL

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