Wednesday, December 23, 2015

The Bonehead Files. Jim Caldwell and his wonder boy Matthew

Just when you think something or somebody can't possibly get even dumber -- well -- we know what usually happens. The last couple days have been chock full of boneheads. 

Detroit Lions' head coach Jim Caldwell said quarterback Matthew Stafford is progressing nicely with the offense but, "but doesn't have (grasp) it all yet because it hasn't all been installed". 

Well gee, Jimbo. We're heading into Week 16 of the NFL season and your team is hopelessly out of playoff contention. Just when, pray tell, do you think would be a good time to put in the rest of the plays? Next year? Chances are you and your sorry staff won't even be around next year. Then again, it IS the Lions. Maybe they'll give you a 20 year guaranteed contract extension at, say, $10 million a year. 

[I dare say that would tide you over quite nicely as you bonehead your way through your golden years. Never underestimate the incredible naivete of the Ford family when it comes to owning an NFL franchise. If memory serves me correctly, the late Willy Clay was a charter member of the Bonehead Files.]  

This warrants two more inductions into the Bonehead Files. Caldwell is obvious. And Matthew Stafford gets a spot just in case he's as dumb as what Caldwell subtly hints at. The Georgia Peach in in his 7th season as a starting QB for the Lions. If he can't grasp an NFL offense by now and execute all the plays -- then he never will. Maybe that's why he keeps racking up gaudy personal passing statistics but has yet to win a single playoff game. During crunch time when the pressure is on, he and Caldwell revert back to their inner selves. Boneheads. It's in their DNA. 

Welcome to the hallowed halls, boys. We'll put your Bonehead plaques right along side other infamous folks once associated with the Lions.  There's the Fords, Russ Thomas, Matt Millen, other inept front office personnel, a whole slew of clown coaches over the years -- the latest being that lovable berserkazoid loose cannon Jim Schwartz  -- and definitely several players. Lots of premier draft choices that crashed and burned. We have a stomper and even the losingest player in the history of the NFL. Some loud mouth center named Dom that mercifully finally retired after last year. Remember, he was your team leader for years. Such a clown could only be a team spokesman in Detroit. Oh yes, Room L (guess what that stands for -- it's not Lions) is chock full of Honolulu blue and silver lore. You'll fit right in.

Here's a wild idea. As long as the Lions have already stunk up another season, how's about putting in the rest of the plays they've supposedly have been holding back? At this point -- what do they have to lose? 

This can only boil down to one of two things. Either these magical plays are a figment of Caldwell's imagination, or he indeed doesn't think his QB is bright enough to comprehend, much less execute them. Neither bodes well.

But there is no disputing one age old truth. It's still the same old Lions. In the whole scheme of things, they're SUPPOSED  to serve as a bad example and be the punch line of jokes. It's not only their rightful place in the world of professional sports, it's their very destiny.

One more sad sack season on top of their historic pile should hardly come as a surprise.

Nor should two more inductees into the Bonehead Files.

Jim Caldwell and Matthew Stafford. At least one of them is clueless. Best to take no chances and honor both. 

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