Friday, March 25, 2016

Down go the lady Irish

Notre Dame's female basketball team was quite good this year by most standards. After all, they'd only lost one game -- that to the UConn juggernaut that keeps steamrolling on. A 31-1 record was quite impressive indeed, and most expected them to roll into the Final Four. Maybe they would get a shot at avenging the drubbing they took at the hands of Geno's Bambinos a few months back. 

Then came an Elite Eight game. See head coach Muffet McGraw sporting her fancy hoop earrings. See her hair perfectly coiffed. See MM trussed up tight in a butt/hip/thigh hugging skirt. So tight she could only take baby steps. Probably a good thing considering the sparkly super-high heels she was also wearing. Hey, is this a basketball game or a tawdry fashion show? It's probably a good thing TVs still can't convey smells to viewers. What are the chances Miss Muffet was also reeking of fancy perfume? 

See the ever-moronic Notre Dame leprechaun dancing about the court trying to exhort the Irish faithful. See them playing in a mostly empty arena in Lexington, Ky. Just who, exactly, was the clown in the Lucky Charms outfit trying to amp up? Hello?? Does it make sense for cheerleaders or mascots to display their team spirit to fans that aren't there? See some nitwit fan with green grease paint covering his face. 

Alas, see Notre Dame get thumped by Stanford. There will be no title, not even a Final Four appearance this year. What few Irish eyes that were in attendance are not smiling. See the leprechaun with his head bowed at the end line. Maybe that dude will finally see the wisdom in shaving off that ridiculous red beard. Even if he keeps it, what is his end goal in life? To be a roadie for ZZ Top? Do they have a major for that at Notre Dame?  

See the Notre Dame cheerleaders still dancing, smiling, rooting, and waving their pom-poms. As with most cheerleaders, they remain clueless. They have no idea what just happened. You can teach them drills and dress them up but, as they say, there just ain't no fixing stupid. But they will cry sad tears indeed when the dim awareness is replaced by the reality of having to, you know, actually having to go back to class. No more fancy free road trips. Total bummer. It would be interesting to know what THEY major in. Do the hallowed halls in South Bend offer an advanced curriculum in bimbology? If so, perhaps one could go on to write her Doctoral thesis on the subject of why her school has always called itself the Fighting Irish, but the real Notre Dame is a cathedral in Paris -- which I'm pretty sure is still in France. If she can logically explain that in her dissertation, forget the pom-poms and make-up, she is obviously destined for greater things. Maybe a Nobel Prize, or at least a career in politics. 

But for now, things aren't looking so good in Notre Dame athletics. The lady hoopsters just got bounced. The men will be next. Their football team remains in mediocre mode, and they still can't figure out what conference they want to play in, if any, depending on the sport. 

The only allegiance Notre Dame has seems to be to itself. They always want their cake and eat it too. 

The late Bo Schembechler of Michigan once had it exactly right.

To hell with Notre Dame. 


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