Friday, April 29, 2016

Ranting on the NFL draft

People do things that drive us "sorta-sane" folks crazy. Sometimes it's little kids, a significant other, a neighbor, or a nit-wit cop pulling you over only to tell you what a good driver you are. We just want to scream -- 'WHATZAMATTUH YOU?" And these are no accidents. They all do it on purpose for no other good reason than to irritate us. Which brings me to....

The NFL draft. It didn't take long for it to become grrr-worthy.

The St. Louis/LA Rams had the first overall pick. Everybody in the solar system and beyond already knew they were going to take QB Jared Goff. They'd had months to watch film, check him out at the meat market Indy combine, interview and psycho-analyze him, and probably knew more about him than his own mother did. Goff was their guy.

And then the draft officially started. Commish Roger Goodell was hailed by the usual chorus of boos and the Rams were "on the clock". So here's a question.....

Given their pick was already a no-brainer, why did they let minute after agonizing minute go by until they made the pick official? Tick, tick, tick, until the last second. A total waste of time, and irritating.

Next up were the Philadelphia Eagles. Like the Rams, their pick had been etched in stone for some time. It was going to be Carson Wentz. Everybody knew it. But they let the clock drag on as well. Tick, tick, tick. Arrgh. What is it with these people? Would they wait until the last room of their homes were engulfed in flames before calling the fire department to report a problem?

The first two picks were givens. After that, nobody knew for sure what would happen next. Joey
Bosa and Ezekiel Elliot of Ohio State would go #3 and #4 to Jacksonville and Dallas respectively. Buckeyes would continue to fly off the board. Evidently Oscar, excuse, Urban Meyer is turning out some high grade meat in Columbus these days.

Finally, with the 16th pick, the ever laughable and long-losing Detroit Lions got their shot. Name the position, and the Motown puddy-tats had a need. So they selected --- another Buckeye -- an offensive tackle named Taylor Decker to be exact. Given the history of the Lions, it probably wasn't a bad choice.

Of course the Lions and their ever-faithful media will trumpet this pick to the heavens. Decker is the guy they wanted all along, they'll claim. Believe that if you will.

It's funny how loyalties can turn so quickly in Michigan. Typically, they abhor anything Buckeye. In Ann Arbor and East Lansing, the homes of Michigan and Michigan State, Ohio State is generally regarded as a combination of ISIS and a bad case of the clap. Let's just say there's no love lost.

But when the Lions draft a Buckeye, all of a sudden he turns into a hero. All is forgiven, let the praise begin and break out the rose petals. To be sure, all in all Michigan is a much more beautiful state than Ohio -- except for the roads. To the south, starting right at the border, thoroughfares offer a smooth ride and are well maintained. To the north, it becomes more of a motorist minefield trying to dodge the craters. Given they're neighboring states and experience the same sort of weather year round, it would appear one has their act together and the other not.

Nevertheless, Taylor Decker will be a Detroit Lion. Is he happy where he went? Probably not, but a few million bucks usually has a way of soothing such sentiments.

And the Lions could have done worse. Given their foibles over the years, would we have been totally surprised if they had gotten the name wrong on draft day? The division they play in has been called the black and blue. So what if, in another moment of confusion, they filled out their draft card wrong? Combine black and blue with Taylor Decker and what do you get?

Roger Goodell stepping up to the podium and announcing that with the 16th pick of the 2016 NFL draft, the Detroit Lions have selected ---  Black and Decker? To wear the blue?

Now that would have truly been a "Taylor" made offensive tackle. Lions style.

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