The wacky world of DUH

Well gee. Let's see. LA Lakers coach Byron Scott won't be returning next year. BS (appropriately enough) posted a two-year win-loss mark of 38-126. The Lakers finished over FIFTY games behind in their own division. That's quite a feat given an 82 game schedule. I wouldn't trust this guy to mow my lawn or super-size me at a drive-through let alone keep him in charge of running a professional sports franchise. DUH.

Why is it the 4-letter network insists on force-feeding Americans the results/highlights of soccer games played abroad? Nobody in the USA cares about what happens in the English Premier League. Or the Spanish one. Or Portuguese. Or Mexican. Do you really think the BBC and/or their Latino broadcasting comrades elsewhere are showing the same results of daily Major League Baseball games? Of course not. They and their viewers couldn't care less. So quit it. DUH.

Uh-oh. Another chapter in the wacky world of Johnny Manziel is about to unfold. Sources confirm Johnny Football will be -- drum roll please -- "formally indicted". No doubt the talk show circuit and social media will go berserk. Thing is, it's only a misdemeanor charge alleging inappropriate behavior towards his girlfriend. Maybe he did it, and maybe he didn't. Or maybe it was self-defense and justified. If it happened at all. Nobody knows until it plays out. If it plays out. Maybe a "settlement" will be reached and it all goes away. In the meantime, count on the media to bandy about heavy words like "assaultive" behavior and " violence" like he's some sort of homicidal lunatic running around with a chain saw. Hey, it's only a misdemeanor. Even if convicted, the worst that could happen to JM is a little jail time, a small fine, and probation. But leave it to the media to make the proverbial mountain out of a molehill. It is what it is, no more, and maybe it never was at all. The hype that is sure to come can be summed up in one three letter word. DUH.

Speaking of being aggressive, recent Sports Illustrated model Hailey Clauson has evidently decided to take up boxing, of all things. She says it improves her hand speed. That would seem to beg the obvious question. Just where, pray tell, might the lovely Ms. Clauson need faster hands? The boudoir? Interestingly enough, her initials, HC, are the same as a current Presidential candidate. Maybe said candidate could have used faster hands herself back in the day. Make of that what you will.

Nonetheless, dear Hailey claims boxing allows her to channel a powerful and aggressive side that leaves her feeling she can conquer anything. Hmm. Maybe she should give the other HC a call. They seem to have something in common.

If we can safely assume Clauson's boxing prowess isn't exactly yet on a par with world-class fighters, it's probably a good idea if she avoids getting into the Octagon with one of them any time in the near future. DUH.

But what sports fan wouldn't pony up big pay-per-view bucks to see the "Match of the Century"?

HC Sr. taking on HC Jr. in a cage match. Call it "Swimsuit vs Pantsuit". Or the "Thrilla with the Hilla". "Bunny/Money?"  "Howdy/Dowdy?"  "Rump/Frump?"  "Causing some chatter" against "What does it matter?" The promotional possibilities are endless.

By all means, bring it on. But not until the NBA and Stanley Cup playoffs are over. No sane American sports fan is going to plop down $79,99 on such a spectacle until the really important stuff is over. That would make about as much sense as giving the above-mentioned Byron Scott a long-term contract renewal or programming the DVR to record those foreign soccer scores. DUH.