1) You're the NFL league offices (see Roger Goodell).
You've long had a phobia about anything concerning gambling.
A maverick son of a maverick owner (Mark/.Al Davis) is talking about moving his Raider team to Las Vegas.
And a big time casino operator is on board willing to bankroll the building of a gaudy new stadium in Sin City.
You can huff and puff all you want, but there's little you can do to stop it if a couple billionaires get together and decide to make it happen.
[On that note, how stupid are the people running the Oakland Coliseum where the Raiders currently play? They want the Raiders to stay, but quadrupled their rent from $925,000 a year to $3,500,000? Further, if you were the owner, where would you rather hang out? The armpit of Oakland or the glitz of Vegas?]
2) Your name is Brad Ausmus, the current manager of the Detroit Tigers. With supposedly the "best starting pitching staff" in all of baseball, plus a regular "murderer's row" batting line-up last year -- your team finished in the basement of their own division. In the off-season, your bosses went out and spent countless millions on free agents to shore up the roster. Now you find your team wallowing around .500, are already 5 games behind, and April isn't over yet. Plus, you're a lame duck manager on the last year of his contract.
3) You think you know for sure what's going to happen next in the wacky case of Johnny Manziel. He's done some dumb things along the way like most guys his age do. Yet now you have to wonder what kind of idiot he has representing him. Accused of misdemeanor assault, Johnny Football was recently -- drum roll please -- INDICTED on such a "heinous" crime against humanity. But his lawyer says video will show his former girlfriend was the aggressor. Could be. Roll tape and let's find out. Seems simple enough. In the meantime, JM was booked and quickly released on a $1500 bond. Chump change. Now his brilliant mouth-piece has claimed Johnny won't "surrender" until the day of the next hearing. Well, duh. When's the last time you heard of an accused person free on bond deciding he'd rather sit in jail instead while waiting for the "wheels of justice" to creep along at their usual snail's pace? Johnny might currently not have a team to play for, but his lawyer isn't doing him any favors mentioning the word "surrender" -- over a measly misdemeanor the same counselor claims he never committed in the first place. It only fuels media hype -- which is the LAST thing he needs right now. Where did he find this guy? In the Yellow Pages under WTF?
4) You're a long-suffering Detroit Lions season ticket holder. The team just raised its prices again and you bought into it -- again -- thinking this just might be the year. At the same time, you're furiously cramming for an upcoming MENSA exam to determine if you're smart enough to belong in the elite brain club. You can't have it both ways. They are mutually exclusive.
5) You just happen to be the guy that went on social media -- to much fanfare -- and swore he'd get NHL Commish Gary Bettmann's face tattooed on his -- um -- nether regions if the LA Kings and Chicago Black Hawks both got bounced in the first round of the NHL playoffs. Guess what happened? They be gone and he be headed for some rather embarrassing lifetime ink if he's a man of his word. And what kind of fool would expose himself to such a possibility -- however remote -- in the first place? What was the upside? A few more likes or hits if the overwhelmingly probable happened? As Bugs Bunny would have said -- what a maroon.
6) Your name is Sam Bradford. Your team, the Philadelphia Eagles, recently signed a back-up QB to the tune of $8 million per year. Then they just traded up to get the #2 overall pick in the draft. It's a no-brainer they'll pick whichever QB between Jared Goff and Carson Wentz the Rams DON'T pick at #1. You've been injury prone like Evel Knievel over your career. You have a losing record and sorry QB stats along the way. Now you want to go elsewhere -- but no other team has stepped up to show any interest. So here's an idea, Sam. Just shut up and collect the millions the Eagles still seem dumb enough to pay you. The best job in the NFL is making mega-bucks while standing on the sidelines and not having to get pounded on the field. That pride thing sometimes has a way of landing you in operating rooms and then months of rehab. Hello???