Monday, April 25, 2016

Which is funnier/more pathetic?

Watching LA Clipper DeAndre Jordan dressed in drag while doing dopey insurance commercials, or seeing him on the court with his even MORE ridiculous natural hairdo? Of course, a third option shouldn't be overlooked. That would be when DJ steps to the free-throw line and shoots like he was instantly transformed into a Cheech and Chong character of old -- Blind Melon Chitlin.

Listening to Marv Albert call an NBA game, or the uniforms the Portland Trail Blazers wear? Old toupee Marv will work himself up into a frenzy before the contest is thirty seconds old. The score can be 2-2 and he's already screaming like a banshee on 'roids like this is the greatest thing that ever happened.
On the other hand are the Blazers. What gives with their uniforms saying RipCity? What happened to "Portland"? Then again RipCity might be appropriate. As in, the only pro sports team they have is the Blazers, and they'll be laid to rest quickly in the playoffs -- again. R.I.P. indeed.

The various cluster**** of boxing federations or the UFC controlled by Emperor Dana White?
In boxing, there's always at least three world champions in any given weight class. The weight classes themselves have become almost undecipherable. As just one example, it used to be a welterweight was 147 pounds. But now there's junior-welterweights which make them the same as super-lightweights, and super welterweights are junior-middleweights. And there's titles for all of them. But somehow the very same guy at the very same weight can theoretically fight for 6 or 8 different world titles. It's insanity. Crazier than Charles Barkley's golf swing.

What's that? DeAndre hit the rim with a charity toss? He's getting warmer.....

In the UFC, Conor McGregor was scheduled to fight a rematch with Nick Diaz. And then he wasn't. Rumors surfaced the Irishman had retired. CM quickly and emphatically came out and said he was NOT retired and fully intended to fight on the card of UFC 200. But then he couldn't. The above-mentioned Dana White, lord and master of all things octagon, decreed the fight was off. The reason? McGregor hadn't promoted it enough. Um, aren't fighters supposed to fight and leave the promoting to the shysters?

Oh wow. Jordan make a free throw. Dang, it's a miracle. Why was he at the free-throw line in the first place? Because he got kinda, sorta, maybe fouled while -- missing a dunk. Sort of evens out.

Nevertheless, boxing and mixed martial arts remain the only sports where nobody in attendance or watching on TV knows what the score is until the game is all over. How nutty is that? Worse yet, the "judges" have occasionally gone backwards in time to change their scores of a previous round during the bout. They saw it live and scored it, but in hindsight changed their minds? Wouldn't that be like adding or subtracting a couple runs or points in a baseball or football game after they've already been tallied? Such a concept is ludicrous -- always has been -- and ripe for all manners of corruption.

Whose stance is dumber? The NFL's or Tom Brady's over the "Deflategate" affair? It's dragged on for months. First Brady was suspended for 4 games. Then a federal court set that aside. He's back. Oops. Maybe not. An appellate court reversed that decision and #12 is looking at having September off again. But wait, it could be appealed yet again. Maybe all the way to the Supreme Court. In the meantime, both the league and Brady are likely spending millions on attorneys' fees. The high-priced mouthpieces are just that. By the time they get done with their "billable hours" -- on both sides -- they could probably pool their money and BUY a team.

And do you really think the Supremes would take up such a case? Good grief, they're running a judge short what with the Prez and Congress at political odds. Even if they did hear it, it would likely be months down the road. And what happens if there's a 4-4 tie when it's all over? More millions for the lawyers and nothing has changed.

Here's an idea they should have considered in the first place. Split the difference with a "no contest". Brady admits no guilt and the suspension is reduced to TWO games. Standing on principle can get mighty expensive both ways, and over what? The same amount of air a 5 year-old child needs to blow out her birthday cake candles? And in a game that was a blow-out itself? Forget the legacy crap. Brady will always be viewed by some as a cheater. The league will always be viewed as being heavy-handed by others.

Add it all up and what do you have? The proverbial lady-finger firecracker being turned into a weapon of mass destruction by the hypesters, while the lawyers continue to rake in the mega-dough arguing over it. In a way it's funny, but in another pathetic and stupid.

Which is more comical? The fact Tiger Woods registered to play in this year's US Open being OMG big news, or the foibles of former Carolina Panthers cornerback Josh Norman?

Unless all the other golfers start hitting golf balls like DeAndre Jordan shoots free throws, Tiger doesn't have a prayer of winning.

Josh Norman, in his infinite wisdom, decided not to sign the franchise tag the Panthers had put on him. Had he done so, he would have made around $16 million a year for the next few. Not too shabby for a 29 year old corner. Then the Panthers woke up and realized the obvious. Why would they want to pay a guy that's past his prime guaranteed mega-bucks, and whose stats weren't all that great anyway, when they can draft a much younger corner and get him at a fraction of the price? So they yanked the offer off the table.

Alas, Josh, realizing the errors of his egotistical ways, made a last-ditch effort to sign the original offer. The team was no longer interested. Oops. Snooze ya lose.

So now JN is gone from a Super Bowl caliber team only to land with the woeful Washington Redskins.

At about half the money he could have had in the first place.

Funny? Pathetic? Or maybe just a bad -- repeat BAD -- idea?


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