Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Lions' jinx finally solved

The Lions won their last 4 games. The local scribes and talking sports heads are saying things are looking up, the building blocks are there, it's finally turned around, and they're on a roll. The playoffs next year are a possibility and the Super Bowl isn't out of the question.
Yeah? I won 4 hands in a row at blackjack once and was on a roll too. After taking a nature call, I went right back for another session. Guess what happened? Needless to say, I'm pretty sure the power brokers in Vegas aren't too worried about me showing up again. They know me about as well as the NFL knows the Lions when it comes to Monday Night Football. Remember Rodney Dangerfield and his "respect" bit? It's like that. So go buy your season tickets, jerseys, caps, and all that other Honolulu blue stuff and keep hoping. I have 4 words for you.... 
Suckah -- ain't gonna happen.
Why not? It was preordained long ago. 
A lot of people blame the Fords, like they're some sort of jinx. I'll get back to that.
Daryl Rogers and his bird-watching? Wayne Fontes with his cigars and golf carts? Bobby Ross being clueless about the pro game? Millen and his years of ineptitude? Didn't matter.
Bad drafts? Fuhgettaboudit.
All the M coaches like Moeller, Mornhinweg, Mariucci, and Marinelli? They could have hired people named Maraschino, Mozzarella, Madonna, Manson or even Machine Gun Kelly, and it still would have been the same. Maybe a tad more interesting, but still the same.
Everybody's missing the real reason.
It all goes back to Nov. 8, 1970, in Tulane Stadium, New Orleans, 5 years before the Superdome. Some guy named Tom Dempsey, that few had ever heard of, trotted out for the rag-tag Saints to attempt a last second field goal against the Lions, who were leading 17-16. The man had half a foot, yet was attempting a kick from seven yards longer (63) than had ever been made in the history of the NFL at that time. The Lions' defense was laughing at him. I watched it on a TV with rabbit ears. You know what happened, but do you know why?
An indisputable and unquestionable authority informed me that a higher power intervened and mandated "anyone remotely associated with the people responsible for the Edsel shalt not ridicule thy likewise handicapped neighbor, therefore they are now cursed for the next 50 years."
Only 10 more to go.
I have a perfect vision that 2020 is the year they win the Super Bowl.
Yeah, I know. So sue me.

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