A Brown-out in LA

Some guy named Brown just got hired as the new coach of the Los Angeles Lakers. A man by that name got ran out of Cleveland not long ago by an owner named Gilbert --  or was that Dilbert? No matter. Both are frustrated characters. One has a comic strip named after him, and the other one should have, but I digress.

Even before the first practice, film session, or any other team activity, what does this new Brown say about the Lakers? It's Kobe's team. Really? Evidently, he can't be Bad Bad Leroy Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town. Leroy wouldn't suck up like that. He'd kick ass and take names. Same with Jim Brown, the former running back. He has Cleveland roots and few would question his alpha-male makeup. I doubt it's James Brown. He was one of the most talented people I've ever seen in his own way, but I think coming back from the grave to coach a basketball team might be asking a bit much.

So who's left? Bobby Brown? I'd be good with that if he could get his ex to sing the national anthem, and even stay up late for the west coast games just to hear her. Nobody did it like Whitney. But last I heard, Bobby was in jail, or at least jammed up in some sort of legal trouble so, nah, it can't be him.

Charley Brown? Will Lucy wind up taking Mitch Kupchak's spot as GM?  Unlikely, but it would sure be interesting.

Turns out it's a guy named Mike. Big dude. Smart. Well-spoken. Scholastic. Glasses. Maybe like Urkel on steroids. He's taking the place of Phil Jackson. Thing is -- at least the former coach had a plan when it came to "family matters". Through his various techniques as the Zen Master, the players in LA-LA- land were somewhat kept in check. Now Mike's the coach and the first words out of his mouth were that the head inmate is going to be in charge of the asylum. This is leadership? Maybe he should consult with Jack Nicholson, who sits courtside. Jack could tell him all about someone flying over the cuckoo's nest. If Mike hires someone named Ratchet as a medical assistant, it's time to pay closer attention.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but I thought a guy named Buss was supposed to head up this operation. Yet "buss" is a synonym for "kiss", and when it comes to Kobe -- use your imagination where that buss/kiss goes.

On the other hand, Brown will wind up with a guaranteed contract that, win or lose, will pay him millions and millions of dollars. Given that, maybe the ad people had it right a while ago.

"Be like Mike" sounds like pretty nice work if you can get it.

I can only hope this Mike doesn't get an underwear endorsement like the other Mike. Urkel in briefs? That could get scary. Fruit of the loom is one thing. Fruit in the room is quite another. No thanks.