As is well known, long time and I dare say Hall of Fame worthy place-kicker Jason Hanson retired from the Lions after a glorious professional career -- all with the Lions. After all those years, the poor devil never even tasted a single playoff victory, but that's a story for another day.
In their infinite, ahem, wisdom, the Lions' brain-trust quickly signed one David Akers to replace Hanson. But then something unexpected happened. Some Norwegian guy named Havard Rugland posted a YouTube video showing off his prowess kicking a football and it went viral. Perhaps even William Clay Ford, who has owned the Lions since about the time the Beatles made their US debut on the Ed Sullivan show, briefly awoke a bit early from another of his 7-8 year slumbers, and took note. Perhaps.
At any rate, Rugland came to be known as "kickalicious", and though he'd never participated in a football game at any level before, Rugland was invited to try out with the Lions. Many thought some dude called kickalicious was nothing more than a novelty. A way of generating temporary attention for the decades old woebegone Lions, but no way was he to be taken seriously. Then something even more unexpected happened. Turns out, this dude can flat-out kick. Not only accurately, but long, REALLY long, and he makes it all look effortless. He boomed a couple 50 yard field goals in his pro debut, with plenty to spare.
One way or the other, head coach Jim Schwartz and the aforementioned "brain-trust" are going to have to make a decision in a few weeks. No NFL team keeps two place-kickers on their final roster. Somebody's gotta go.
So let's see. In the the red corner, we have David Akers. He's certainly been around. As an undrafted free agent, Akers tried out, but failed to make the Atlanta Falcons or Carolina Panthers. Eventually signed by the Washington Redskins, Akers played one game, made two extra points and missed two field goals. He was cut. Claimed off waivers by the Philadelphia Eagles, he was shipped over to NFL Europe for a stint with the Berlin Thunder. Finally, he returned to the city of brotherly love, and racked up a few seasons as a pretty decent kicker. For whatever reasons, Akers left Philly and wound up playing for the SF 49ers last year, making it all the way to the Super Bowl. The 49ers didn't seem overly concerned with keeping him around so, presto, he's a free agent again and lands in Detroit. Yep, this guy's been around indeed. By the way, Akers is 38 years old, only a scant few years younger than Jason Hanson was when he hung up his cleats after last year.
In the blue corner, we have Havard Rugland. The polar opposite of Akers, Rugland has no experience whatsoever in the NFL. All he seems to know how to do is kick a football, and very well at that. Rugland is 28 years old.
So which kicker will the Lions keep? C'mon. Of COURSE it will be Akers. Even though he's running on the fumes of his NFL career, and Rugland appears to have a stronger, more accurate leg and could be their kicker for another decade or so, one thing never seems to change.
It's the Lions, remember? Give them a chance to screw something up, and they will.
And you know what? Somewhere out there, other GMs and head coaches from various NFL teams probably hope the Lions cut "kickalicious". Because he'll get snapped up in a heartbeat. Unlike the Lions have proven over the years, they know talent when they see it. A 28 year old dude booming field goals that split the uprights that would likely be good from 60+ yards away? Only the Lions would be dumb enough to let a commodity like that get away in favor of a guy whose performances over the years have led him from team to team looking for a job.
Of course, I may have to eat my words. William Clay could wake up any second, take another look around, and issue a few orders before going back into hibernation. It's theoretically possible. But I suspect if the kicker decision is left up to Martin Mayhem and his cocky swaggering head coach, he of the 22-42 career record, the worst by far in the NFL, I'm betting they go with Akers, who will likely provide them with a few achers over the season.
Sorry to be redundant, but it's the Lions, remember? This sort of thing is what they do.
Come final cut-down time, if yours truly is wrong about which kicker they keep, then I shall do my best to atone for my misjudgment. It would be easy to write another column eating crow, humble pie, and all that.
I'll go you one better. Come to Detroit on Sept. 8, the Lions home opener against the Minnesota Vikings. I'll be the guy with the Matt Millen mask running laps around the outside of Ford Field buck naked while completely body painted in fluorescent Honolulu blue and silver.
Yeah, I think that would be quite enough to repay my debt to the Lions' faithful society.
We shall see.......
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