Friday, February 14, 2014

The Detroit Lions make moves. Funny

Once one learns to kick back and see the Lions for what they really are -- and have long been -- one can appreciate the entertainment value they offer. No, not in the sense of being an elite NFL team. Forget that. People who still think every year that next year is THE year the Lions will finally break through to the Super Bowl, are likely the same sort of folks that remain firmly convinced the Titanic will float to the surface any day now with Elvis at the helm. Or go on vacation to Scotland knowing they can finally capture that pesky Nessie, the elusive sea monster. Or perhaps that Bieber's great-great grandfather built the pyramids in Egypt. Well, you get the picture. This is not to say such theories are totally impossible but, in the meantime, I would humbly suggest those that believe in them need to be medicated. Heavily.

So the Lions released Nate Burleson and Louis Delmas? Well gee. If they broomed career (from college to pros) loser Dominic Raiola, they would complete the triple crown purge of the yappie boys. They didn't know anything about winning, but sure would flap their gums on the field and to the media, Detroit fans (see above), and anybody else that would listen.

Cutting Burleson and Delmas were actually no-brainers. Burleson caught on with the Lions when his best years were already in the rear-view mirror. And he couldn't stay healthy, at that. A broken leg one year, and then the folly of a broken arm while crashing his car trying to save a pizza in distress? BTW. Someone please explain to me why Burleson was out getting a pizza at 2 or 3 in the morning anyway. Correct me if I'm wrong, but NOBODY goes out to get a pizza anymore. They phone it in and have it delivered. Something about that incident never smelled quite right -- and I'm not talking about the anchovies.

Delmas seemed to have the longest "lingering" knee injury in the history of pro sports. Two years and counting. That begs the obvious question --- what was the problem with getting it fixed -- surgically if necessary? Good grief, the Ford family that owns the Lions also have a major hospital (Henry Ford) that bears their name in Detroit. One would think they have competent knee surgeons there. And you're telling me Delmas went two years without being able to practice, while a guy like Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings had his own knee totally obliterated, underwent major surgery, rehabbed, is now perfectly healthy -- and only missed one year? Only in Detroit could such a scenario happen. See what I mean about the entertainment value?  And good luck to Delmas now trying to catch on with another team. All of them are certainly aware he's "damaged goods". The first thing Delmas will face when trying out for another team? A physical. If he can't pass that, then I hope he got his degree from college. It might come in handy for his next job after football. Can't practice, but can play on game day only works in Detroit.

The biggest laugher of them all is Ndamukong Suh. The Lions are reportedly considering taking a $22.4 million dollar annual salary cap hit on Suh, be it for one year, or a long term deal. That goes far beyond ridiculous, absurd, and starts approaching hilarious.

Consider Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers recently signed a 5- year deal for $110 million bucks. Divide that by 5 and it's just a little shy of the amount Suh wants every year. So is anybody prepared to argue that Ndamukong Suh is worth the same amount of money as Aaron Rodgers? Yeah, Suh just hired Jay Z as his agent, and the Z-ster has been known to wring megabucks out of owners for his clients.

Yet I don't care if Suh hired Jay Z, KC and the Sunshine Band, and has Artoo Deetoo and C3PO as bookkeepers. Suh belongs in the same salary neighborhood as Rodgers about as much as yours truly belongs putting a harem of beautiful women through my own "combine" before approving them for a sheik somewhere. Hmmm. Considering I'm a free agent myself, maybe I should make a few calls to see if any oil tycoons are interested in watching me work out. Hey, even making a practice squad would do just fine. Plus, I'd work hard at such a job for the minimum salary. No agent. No drawn-out negotiations. No problem. Where do I sign?

There's things more important than money and football, you know.

But that scenario has about the same chance as happening any year soon as the Lions going to a Super Bowl.

Once one learns to accept reality, and can kick back and laugh at the futility of taking either possibility seriously -- life becomes simpler and more entertaining indeed.

Suh is worth as much or more than Rodgers. This mindset could only happen in Detroit.

Personally, I think it's funny.

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