OK, let's recap. In a secretly (and likely illegal) recorded personal conversation, LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling allegedly made some racist remarks. Many, but not all, were outraged when it went public. Among those taking high umbrage was rookie NBA Commish Adam Silver.
Just four days later, Silver and the NBA had completed their investigation and the verdict was in. Guilty. Silver would quickly fine Sterling $2.5 million (chump change, but good luck collecting), ban him for life from the NBA, and move to force the sale of the Clippers. Sterling had to go.
For his part, Sterling himself became an enigma. At first he was apologetic, then defiant, then said he would sell the team, then changed his mind and said he would fight. In the meantime, Sterling had supposedly transferred control of the Clippers to his wife Shelly. And she vowed to fight the NBA. No sale. Also in the meantime, Mrs. Sterling has filed for divorce and had her husband declared mentally incapitated. (That divorce stuff can get downright nasty sometimes, especially with filthy rich people.)
So OK, we knew all that. Then presto, the lovely Mrs. Sterling changed HER mind and has reportedly already accepted an offer to sell the Clippers. That was fast. Why?
Enter Steve Ballmer, the former CEO of Microsoft. He bid a whopping $2 billion bucks for the Clippers. Certainly Ballmer can afford it. His total wealth has been estimated to be around $20 billion, so 10% of his dough to buy a professional sports franchise is hardly going to put him in dire financial straits. With $18 billion left over, chances are good a ramen noodle diet and begging for spare change on a street corner are not in Ballmer's near future.
Still, $2 billion for the Clippers? Just a few months ago, the market value of that team was estimated to be around $575 million. Even $575 M seems way too high. Consider the franchise....
Since Sterling bought them in 1981, 33 years ago, the Clips have made it to the playoffs only 5 times. They've never even reached the NBA Finals, let alone won a title. Over the course of that time, the Clippers have been the losingest franchise in all of major professional sports, including the NHL, NFL, and MLB. Even the lowly Detroit Lions and Chicago Cubs have fared better. To boot, the Clippers don't even have their own arena to play in. They've long been considered second class citizens at the Staples Center in LA, where the Lakers also play -- even though the Lakers are currently terrible. And they're locked into that lease for the next several years.
So why would Balmer pony up over 3 times the market value to buy the Clips? Just because he can doesn't mean it makes sense. Many financial people are scratching their heads and wondering -- what is he doing?
Yet let's assume the sale goes through. Who wins?
Actually, a lot of people. The NBA will have accomplished its mission to rid themselves of the Sterlings. No more threat of a future player boycott, and hopefully Anderson Cooper and the like can find another scandal or disaster to endlessly blather on about.
Certainly the Sterlings win. Donald only paid $12 million for the team back in 1981. You remember 1981. That was when Bonzo the chimp's buddy, the twenty mule team Gipper, AKA Ronald Reagan was just settling into the oval office for his first term as Prez. A tough act to follow indeed. Ahem.
Now they're about to split $2 billion? Some punishment. Beat me with a stick like that. Even given inflation, going from $12 million to $2 billion is roughly a 16,000 percent return on Sterling's original investment. That's some kind of serious interest.
But you know who wins the most? The franchise owners of all the other teams -- including the other sports. If the Clips were worth $2 billion, than the price tags on their franchises just skyrocketed. How much are teams like the Dallas Cowboys, NY Yankees, LA Dodgers, Chicago Bulls, etc worth now to a potential seller? 4 billion? 6? 10? These are big market teams that continue to pack their houses with fans, have won championships, and have lucrative TV deals and other endorsements pouring in. And what would the Miami Heat be worth right now according to this scale? A trillion?
Thing is, by Ballmer driving up the market value of the other franchises, other things are likely to follow. The players will want even more money. The teams will demand more revenue from the TV people for broadcast rights to offset those costs. And, in the end, the ticket prices for the average fan will go up -- as if they weren't ridiculously high already. In other words, simple logic dictates that for every big winner, there has to be a bunch of losers. Like playing the Lotto.
And it all started off because some gold-digger decided to secretly record her sugar daddy.
The lone consolation the average fan can get out of all this?
She's had her 15 minutes of fame, but the bimbo won't be sitting gratis courtside anymore at Clipper games, with or without the folks Donald Sterling apparently didn't approve of her hanging out with.
Ballmer may have grossly overpaid for the Clippers, but you don't become the CEO of Microsoft unless you're really smart.
And really smart people know better than to hang out with bimbos.
The only way V is seeing another Clippers game is on TV.
Idle thought: $2 billion is far more than has ever been shelled out to construct the most elaborate stadium or arena to date. That amount of money can buy one a tropical island paradise or two with likely enough change left over to purchase this newspaper, lock, stock, reporters, columnists and copy editors, and maybe even pay my editor's lunch tabs for a couple years. Huh. I wonder how many bimbos one can buy for $2 billion? Even Tiger Woods in his heyday wasn't in that class.....
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