I read it for the first time this year a few days ago -- but I knew it was coming. Because it always does. And it needs to stop. Because it's so stupid.
After a terrific start to the season, the Detroit Tigers lost four games in a row. And there it was in print. Is it time to panic? Evidently, some Motown sports scribes seem to think the fans in the Detroit area live on the brink of hysteria, and are one small nudge away from running wild in the streets and shooting up the town.
Well, guess what? They're already doing that in Detroit, and have been for years. Combine murders, armed robberies, muggings, car-jackings, drugs, gangs, blight, political corruption, and the largest city bankruptcy in US history, and it's not a pretty sight.
Yet if the Tigers lose a few games, Detroiters are supposed to consider panicking? Really? Hey, if all the above didn't make them gulp down handfuls of Xanax, then how their baseball team fares, win or lose, isn't likely to make the difference between life as usual or total anarchy.
What's ironic is the Tigers have the best record in all of major league baseball after a quarter of the season. Nevertheless, some local scribes will continue to pick away at their weaknesses. This guy is in a slump. That guy isn't putting up the numbers he did last year. And OMG, their bullpen is a disaster waiting to happen. Maybe it's time to panic. Two words. Shut up.
Reporters don't panic. They compliment, criticize, and analyze, but they never panic. So why, pray tell, do they think they can get the fans to? Do they think such fans are so naive and gullible as to be led into anxiety attacks by their written or spoken words? The same fans that are watching the same games they are, and BTW, actually paying for the price of admission, while the scribes get in free on their press passes? These people are telling us how WE should act? Enjoy the free hot dogs and cokes -- but shut up about the panic thing. Most of us have enough problems in our lives to deal with already, and don't need the added hassle of somebody else telling us when to panic over a sports team of millionaires.
Besides, consider Detroit sports in general. Maybe the Tigers go on to win the World Series -- but chances are they won't. Even though they're the favorite, the overall odds are still against them. And they haven't won it in 30 years, since 1984. The city of Detroit is still there -- barely.
Though they've enjoyed great success in recent years, the Red Wings are currently a mediocre team. They barely made it into the playoffs and were knocked out in the first round. Nobody wants to say the word "rebuilding", but with a couple aging super-stars and a roster full of young studs trying to find their way -- chances are also good it's going to be a few years until the Wings rise to championship caliber again. But nobody's panicking.
The Detroit Pistons are a mess. Besides being terrible on the court, they've screwed up trades, free agency, the salary cap, and don't even have a first round draft pick this year. Joe Dumars is out and Stan Van Gundy is in. Here's hoping part of his $35 million contract includes a magic wand or a genie popping out of a lamp to give him at least three wishes. Because short of that, the Pistons don't have a prayer to be contenders in the next few years. But fans didn't panic over the Pistons. They just stopped going to see the games. No biggie.
Of course, that leaves the Detroit Lions. That team itself is a testimonial as to how Detroit sports fans cannot be talked into panicking. There are only 4 current NFL teams that have never made it to a Super Bowl, let alone win it. The Cleveland Browns, Jacksonville Jaguars, and Houston Texans -- all "expansion" teams. The other is Detroit. Since 1957, a full decade before the first Super Bowl was even played -- the Lions have won a grand total of ONE playoff game. Sixteen head coaches have come and gone, most of them leaving town with losing records (and lots of money).
If ever there was a reason for people to panic and start jumping out of tall buildings -- it was the Lions over the years. But their faithful remains to this day, as loyal as ever, and still thinking their team has a chance to be contenders every year. Hmm. Maybe the scribes are on to something with the gullibility factor -- but dammit -- the Honolulu blue and silver faithful never panic. Perhaps after all this time, they've become conditioned -- like Pavlov's dog.
A Lions trivia question. Who was their most successful head coach in the franchise's history? A hint. It was a long time ago....
It was actually a man named Potsy Clark who coached the team from 1931-1936, fittingly enough during the Great Depression. Potsy compiled a 54-25 record for a winning percentage of .669.
Why do I mention this? Hey, if a guy named Potsy was the best coach the Lions ever had, then maybe they're going about things all wrong hiring a new head coach named Jim Caldwell. Get rid of him and bring on Ralph Malph to run the show, with the Fonz as the offensive coordinator. The Fonz certainly knew about "scoring". Score enough points and who cares about how bad their defense still is? Couldn't hurt. Given their history, what do they have to lose that they haven't lost already?
At least there wouldn't be any of this panic nonsense. Just a lot of laughs. And if ever their was a laughable franchise not named the Cubs, it's the Lions.
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