Monday, May 25, 2015

Steph Curry, Joey Crawford, and America for sale

He'd fly through the air with the greatest of ease.
That daring young man on the flying trapeze.

That was a pretty cool circus song of old, and no doubt true. Unless, of course, after releasing from one swing and flying through the air -- poof -- the next swing he was supposed to catch wasn't there. Then said young man would have a problem. Gravity plays no favorites. But most trapeze folks had safety nets to catch them after their plunge, so it was a soft landing and no big deal.

In Game 4 of the Western Conference NBA finals, Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors tried the flying through the air bit, and it didn't work out so well. While trying to block a shot, Curry wound up going airborne, arms and legs flailing, and eventually ka-THUD on the hardwood.

DOWN GOES STEPH! DOWN GOES STEPH!

Though he lay prone for several minutes, none of the refs counted him out, nor even gave him a standing 8 count when he finally got back on his wobbly feet. Poor Steph had bopped his head, and a few other things. Off he eventually trudged to the visitor's locker room.

The announcers were aghast with horrror. OMG, he might have a concussion, or a hurt shoulder, or back, or knee, or elbow, or hand, or maybe even have, heaven forbid, suffered one of those agonizing contusions (a bruise). They would breathlessly give us updates as Steph continued walking towards the locker room.

Idle thought: Why is it that the Houston Rockets play in an arena called the Toyota Center? Hasn't all of Texas long prided itself on being fiercely American? They've got oil and super-wealthy entepreneurs coming out of their ears, but they sold off the naming rights to an NBA arena for a few million bucks to a Japanese company? Sam Houston would not approve, to put it mildly.

After further action, an update on Curry. It's been 5 minutes now, and he's still walking down a corridor under the stands to get to the visitor's locker room facilities. Question: What kind of labyrinth do they have underneath this arena and just how far is it to the locker rooms? In 5 minutes one could walk all the way around the arena. Was there a Minotaur involved he had to slay in the labyrinth that we never got to see before reaching medical assistance?

But you know what? Curry needed a good bump on the head. Sure, he's the reigning NBA MVP and a terrific player. But he's gotten cocky. All that posing, snickers, and shimmy-shakes after launching another wide-open 3-point bomb his teammates set up is starting to get old. And yes, we get it, Steph. You can dribble with both hands. So can every other guard in the NBA. But please stop with the two-ball, both hands warm-ups before the games just so the cameras will zoom in on you. Only one ball will be in play once the game starts -- so what's the point other than hot-dogging?

And now a word from the sponsors.

To no great surprise, there were Toyota commercials. Hey, they've already bagged the arena, most of the signage inside and out, including blaring their logo from all four sides of the gigantic overhead scoreboard -- might as well throw in a few TV spots.
Then there was one from Samsung -- a Korean company.
Followed by another from Heineken -- a German brewery.
Here comes a Kia commercial -- a Korean automaker.

Is it just me, or do you wonder the same thing? Where the hell are American companies while all this is going on? Don't they make anything anymore? This was a game between two American teams in the NATIONAL Basketball Association, played in Texas, and all we get is advertisments for foreign products? Something is very wrong with this picture.

Finally, an ad for an American product. Alas, the Buick commercial portrayed typical Americans as being basically, well, not so bright. And we're probably not, given everything from continually fighting stupid wars to buying foreign goods -- both of which undercut our own economy.

You've seen it. Some couple, evidently retarded, back their car up to the gate that leads to their home. Then they both have to get out to open it. After that, we don't see it, but the obvious conclusion is they put the car in reverse again to navigate the driveway all the way to the house. If you have a gate that fancy, chances are your driveway is long. So what kind of nitwits do the whole deal in reverse?

Worse yet, how get-a-life pitiful are the neighbors to be looking out their window with binoculars checking out somebody else's new car? Who cares? If my neighbors rolled up in a new Rolls Royce or Lamborghini I might get around to telling them "nice ride" when I happened to notice it. That might even be a good time to ask for my loaned wheelbarrow back that's been in their shed since last fall. But their vehicles are their vehicles. I couldn't care less what they drive. And this was only a Buick. Something is wrong with this picture as well.

Back to the game. While the politically correct folks fret over Steph Curry's possible ouchies, what he did was actually stupid. The Golden State Warriors were already up 3-0 in the series, and there would be little doubt the Rockets would come out with all they had in Game 4 to save a little face. Indeed, Houston won the game handily.

But there's also little doubt the Warriors will win the series, most likely closing it out in Game 5 at home. There was no need, or logic for Curry to try to imitate Superman or a trapeze artist in Game 4. He appears quite fortunate to have escaped serious injury. Besides, such perilous antics in Game 4 while trying for a sweep were counterproductive to Warriors' ownership. They WANTED a Game 5. Another home date represents a huge cha-ching. Who's kidding who?

And then there's the ever not-so-loveable but always laughable Joey Crawford. Perhaps the loosest cannon of them all in the history of officialdom. Old Joey tripped over his own feet -- again -- while doing his hunched over impression of running up the court.

DOWN GOES JOEY!  DOWN GOES JOEY!!

To his credit, one announcer actually showed a bit of a sense of humor, if briefly. It WAS comical.

Yet one is left to wonder. How has Crawford lasted so long in the NBA? He's a hothead, gets as many calls wrong as right, and has long been known as the above-mentioned loose cannon. One way or the other, Joey always seems to find a way to BE the entertainment, rather than officiate it. His slapstick act would be part of the script at a Harlem Globetrotters game, and well received by all. But it doesn't play so well in the NBA where things are a bit more serious, to say the least.

But here he is, in his 37th year, not only still active but officiating playoff games, and still making a spectacle of himself.

If the league wants the fans to take the playoffs seriously, then why do they keep putting a clown with a whistle on the floor? Countless millions of dollars and a place in history with a championship are at stake.

And the final insult. There was Steph Curry doing a moronic insurance commercial, much like Chris Paul and his twin brother had for the last few months. Alas, the Clips were eliminated and the viewing public was finally, blessedly, spared from the non-infomercials. The ad folks know the public isn't interested in a loser. But they hedged their bets and now it's Steph. Maybe it will work out -- and maybe not.

If the Warriors crash and burn in the Finals against Lebron and the Cavaliers, entirely possible, look for Steph's insurance ads to go away quickly as well.

Here's hoping for two things. Joey Crawford isn't one of the refs, and the reigning MVP doesn't do another ill-fated trapeze act and wind up bonking his precious little coconut on the hardwood again.

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