Friday, May 1, 2015

The bumbling Detroit Lions and Murphy's Law

So after all the pre-draft hype amongst their faithful, the ingenious, LOL, Lions brain trust has struck again.

Leading up to the draft, it was no big secret the Lions had a lot of needs at a lot of different positions. Their pundits repeatedly informed the fans of such. To wit:

The two starting cornerbacks are returning, but one is old and the other a bit iffy. Beyond that, the depth chart is almost non-existent. A need.

After only one year with the Lions, one of their starting safeties appears to have mutinied. Though he's still under contract, he wants more money. How that will work out is anybody's guess. Another need.

Granted, the Lions de-thugged themselves somewhat with Ndamukong Suh and Nick Fairley going elsewhere, but that left their defensive line shallow as well. Need number three.

At running back, Reggie Bush was always an over-hyped illusion. There are reasons he couldn't stick with other teams before and coming to the Lions wasn't going to change that. Regardless, he gone, but the Lions are still sorely in need of a reliable running back. Yes, they're a pass-happy offense, but without a running game, a team is only going to get so far. A huge need.

There was even some talk of the Lions possibly drafting another receiver, though that would have made ZERO sense given all the above and other more pressing holes to fill on their roster.

Yessirree Billybob Ford, the Lions had many options with their #23 first round pick. Their pundits had long offered up a whole list of possible players that could help the Lions at various positions. Surely Martin Mayhew and the aforementioned, ahem, Lions brain trust would take one of them -- right?

Not exactly. The Lions traded down a few picks and wound up taking an offensive guard that all the "experts" had somehow overlooked. A guy from Duke. DUKE!!  You know, the perennial basketball powerhouse but also has a long history of futility on the gridiron.

The Lions' draft trading partner was the Denver Broncos who would eventually take LB Shane Ray out of Missouri with the 23rd pick they got from the Lions.

What did the Lions get in return? Another offensive guard, one Manny Ramirez, who had played for them before during one of the Lions' bottom feeder cycles a few years back.

Let's not forget, the Lions still have an offer on the table for one Rob Sims. He's started every game for them at left guard for the last 5 years.

So add it all up and what do you have? The Lions traded down to get an offensive guard from the Broncos, drafted another one, and have yet a third they're still waiting to hear back from.

That's some kind of first round draft action. Only the Lions could ignore so many needs elsewhere and pull a stunt like this.

But dammit, they've got a left guard. Maybe 3 of them. That's great, except only one can play at a time.

Wait a sec, what's that? The Lions drafted Ameer Abdullah in the second round? Really. So is he the running back out of Nebraska or one of the last holdovers from W's wartime "deck of cards" a while back? Would Mayhew and his merry band of draft "gurus" know the difference in which one they signed to a contract? A little mistaken identity thing there could get embarrassing.

I dunno. You've heard of Murphy's Law about things going wrong? Here's a bit of trivia. That "law" had it origins at Edwards Air Force base in California back in 1949. The military geniuses of the time were trying to find out how fast a human could decelerate and still survive. A Captain Edward Murphy was a technican on the project. They used real people. Primitive indeed. Nowadays we have such things as crash dummies to determine such parameters. Pity we can't use politicians for the same purpose, but perhaps that's a story for another day. Ahem.

At any rate, a doctor on site at the time, Col. John Stapp, who was the guinea pig on one of those ultra-fast acceleration/stop quick crazy sled rides and barely survived, offered up a paradox after discovering Murphy had wired the sensors backwards so there were no readouts to learn from. To wit:

"The universal aptitude for ineptness makes any human accomplishment an incredible miracle."

Did I mention the Detroit Lions franchise over the last half+ century? Pretty much the same thing.
















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