Sound the trumpets, send in the dancing girls, and by all means declare another national holiday. Something truly momentous has occurred in the world of sports.
What could it be? Has Tiger come roaring back on the golf tour and reclaimed his rightful, ahem, cough, gag, place as the #1 player in the world?
Not exactly. He just went into rehab. More about that later.
But Justin Verlander of the Detroit Tigers, glory hallelujah and bring on the rose petals, has finally got his record over .500 this year.
Yessirree, the Virginian is now the proud owner of an 8-7 record. It only took 113 games in the 2017 season to get there.
And hey, you can have him for the low, low price of only 28 MILLION dollars a year. Such a deal.
But why would any other (sane) baseball club want to touch this guy with a ten foot pole? His ridiculous contract runs for another two years and at age 34 is clearly on the back side of his career.
Let's not forget dear Justin only plays in every fifth or sixth game. He can't hit or field a position. Nobody knows if he can run, because he's never had to. Yet for his valiant efforts as a starting pitcher, JV rakes in roughly a cool million every time he takes the mound. Guaranteed, win or lose. Then gets 4-5 days off. This has to be one of the greatest jobs in the world.
Add in the fact Detroit Tiger fans continue to idolize this vastly overpaid and underworked "athlete", who is nothing more than an average pitcher, and JV is defecating in tall cotton indeed.
This is also why the typical family of four likely has to skip a house payment to attend a game. There's a reason why ticket prices are so high, watered down beers cost 10 bucks, nasty hot dogs another 8, and whatever that glop they call nacho cheese they put on stale chips will set you back another Abe or so.
That reason is Justin Verlander and his ilk. You, as fans, have to pay for this guy making such a ridiculous salary. And he's struggled all year to finally get his record -- barely -- above .500?
The absurdity of it all is mind-boggling. It ranks right up there with those ever-lovable folks at the Pentagon being exposed a while back for charging the taxpayers $800 for a manually operated fastener impeller (hammer), and $600 for a pivoting hygienic insulator (toilet seat). Remember that? And the people wonder why their country continues to wallow in debt? HELLO??
As for dear Eldrick Tont Woods, no, he won't be returning to the PGA golf tour any time soon, if ever, let alone recapturing any glory. His day has come and gone and he'd get his brains beat out on the tour by the bevy of young studs out their today, much like what he once did to a former generation during his ten years of dominance.
But wait a second. Tiger got busted for DUI (driving under the influence of drugs) while obviously dazed and confused at the time? Way back in May?
And it took him 3 months to finally decide to enter rehab when by his own admission he's had a problem with an addiction to pain killers for years?
Probably a good thing he got popped by the cops, or else he might still be out there as a menace on the highway somewhere.
Yet dang, even after that messy (and costly) divorce from Elin, Eldrick still had plenty of dough. Hundred of millions of it.
So why, tell me WHY, he didn't have enough sense to hire a driver to cart him around town or wherever he wanted to go in one of his luxury cars?
Good grief, lots of guys or gals would jump at the chance to be his chauffeur, and he could certainly afford to pay one $100,000 a year or so. What a great job that would be and only chump change in the world of Eldrick.
But no, he had to get stupid about it.
Just like the fans that keep going to games when somebody like Verlander happens to be pitching. A million bucks for every start for a clearly average pitcher these days?
Get outta here......