The silliness of "highlights"

Every night, ESPN -- and other TV channels -- have their sports "highlights". The Top Ten, as it were. These are supposed to be spectacular plays. And so often, they are nothing more than boring -- business as usual.

A few examples.

We'll always see a dunk or three on a basketball court. Hey, every NBA player can dunk, most college cagers, and even a lot of high-schoolers these days. To boot, every single variation of dunk has already been done. Behind the back, through the legs, a 360 or even 720 spin, off the backboard, you name it and it's old news. There's nothing remotely "exciting" about a 6-8 player getting a running head start and jamming a basketball through a rim. Dunks in basketball are like 6-inch putts in golf. Everybody can do it. What IS a highlight is when one of them is missed.

In baseball, we'll see one outfielder or another running a distance and stretching out, sometimes even flying through the air, to catch a fly ball. It happens every day. Major leaguers, college kids, etc., this is old news too, when everybody can do it.

Willie Mays made a "fantastic" catch at the time on a deep fly ball off the bat of Vic Wertz back in the Leave It To Beaver days. But was it really? Nowadays, most outfielders make the same sort of catch look routine. Why? Because Mays took a bad angle on that ball and made it look harder than it had to be. Every major league outfielder can get back to the fence on a long fly ball these days to haul it in. No big deal.

We'll always see a goal or two in soccer. Well yeah, ANY goal in soccer is a highlight, considering fans sometimes have to wait for hours to actually witness one. I equate watching a futbol match with following an afternoon soap opera.

Once upon a time I was laid up with a knee injury and couldn't leave my upstairs apartment for a few weeks. So I picked a soap opera to watch. Almost a month later, when I could walk again, not much had changed on the show. Just a bunch of pseudo-drama that amounted to nothing.

Soccer's sort of like that. You can start to watch a game, then take a shower, get a bite to eat, maybe do a load of laundry, tune back in and nothing is different than it was a couple hours ago. No wonder the fans and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL announcers go so berserk when one is actually scored. And sometimes it never is. What's more boring than a soccer game that turns out 0-0? Beats me --  maybe watching a marathon race with no finish line. They just keep running until everybody falls down. Would you tune into that a second time?

Speaking of which, where do these folks get their "distances" from when an actual goal is scored. Sometimes we'll see 75 feet. But looking at the replay, one has to ask -- 75 feet from WHAT? The tenth row of the stands? When the striker hit the goal-scoring ball, he was no further than maybe 30 feet from the goal. So what gives with that? I understand they want to max out the moment, but c'mon, let's not get ridiculous here. Viewers have eyes, and sometimes even a little brains -- ya know?

Don't know about you, but I wince every time I see the name of that game that involves throwing bean bags into a circular opening on a slanted wooden box 30-40 feet away. Used to play it myself in my younger days while drunker than a skunk coming off a canoe trip down a river back to the campground. Never did know the name of it. Turns out, we were playing "cornhole" all along. Had we been aware of such back in those days, none of us, especially the wives and girlfriends, would have participated in such an activity under ANY circumstances. Much better to throw horseshoes, even without pits or stakes. Bocce ball in the river. Hoops with no rims or nets. Rousing games of chess with only pawns on the board. Chase chipmunks through the woods. ANYTHING but cornhole. Oh, the shame of it all. I pucker up to this day just thinking about it. But evidently, there are cornhole highlights too these days. Excuse me if I pass on checking them out. Where's the PC word police when you need them? Brrr.