What's a sports fan to do? Go to Opening Day at the local major league ballpark? Nah, too cold. Getting in to a sold out game wouldn't have been much of a problem, given the ever-present scalpers. Trust me, the cops in Detroit have way more important things to worry about than somebody making a few bucks selling baseball tickets. Besides, what's so important about the first game? They've got another 161 to go, and better seats at cheaper prices will soon become available.
The Masters golf tournament got underway, and flying down there to check out the best of the best would definitely have been interesting. But I didn't have a ticket to that either, and I suspect those fun loving guys in charge of Augusta National, in cahoots with the county-mounties, would look upon ticket-scalpers and their clients as being akin to your average terrorist. Detroit's bad enough, and even though the weather's considerably warmer in Georgia, I'd just as soon pass on a lovely stay at the Guantanamo Hilton for the next few years.
On other fronts, Gregg Williams, the alleged architect of the New Orleans Saints bounty system, is heard on a locker room audio tape, which has gone viral, saying some things to his players before a game that could be very incriminating. Have other defensive coaches said similar things to their players over the years? We don't know. Maybe it's always been this way, but never exposed before. Again, we don't know. The media frenzy aside, the only thing that really matters is how NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell perceives it. Given the whole league image thing that RG has been trying to project in his tenure, I suspect this will not bode well for Mr. Williams.
Maybe I should have just went to Disneyworld again. What could go wrong with that? But even in Mickey and Minnie's neighborhood things seem to be in turmoil. Orlando Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy says Dwight Howard tried to get him fired. Then Howard crashes a Van Gundy press conference and acts as innocent as a newborn, though somewhat cocky, lamb. Later on, it appeared Howard totally mailed it in with a game against the New York Knicks, then laughed about it. I'm not saying it's right, but Van Gundy is a coach that may have lost his team's respect, and Howard is an All-Pro center, that would be coveted league-wide. They both have guaranteed contracts, but when push comes to shove, I'm pretty sure I know which one will be riding the monorail out of the Magic Kingdom some day soon.
Yes, it was a glorious day in the sports world, and I hope everybody that went to watch the Tigers in Detroit had a great experience. I also hope all that went to Augusta National to watch another Tiger had a good time too. He's only 5 shots back. Not bad, considering.
But there was another place that turned out to be far more interesting.
At home, where I could watch it all. Click, click, click.
The upside is -- I saved at least a few hundred bucks and didn't get waterboarded -- always a good thing.
The downside is -- Detroit Tiger fans will likely only watch replays of that game once, and then move on. At home, we can click all we want, but the other Tiger replays are everywhere. There's no escaping them. The DUDE is back.
God help us if he ever makes it onto the leader board. Food channels will whip up Tiger recipes. A new religious channel might well make it's debut preaching the gospel of the Church of Latter Day Eldricks. CNN, in an unprecedented move, might temporarily abandon world news and politics, and instead pony up big bucks to have Anderson Cooper be Tiger's caddy -- with Wolf Blitzer "embedded" inside the golf bag. And if Woods somehow wins the Masters -- what better time for Mitt Romney to tab him as his vice-presidential running mate? Can you imagine what a bump in the polls that would give the etch-a-sketch guy?
This could get out of control, remote or otherwise.
Either that, or all the above was just a spoof. Many people consider Tiger Woods as their hero. I've always been more into guys like Al Jaffee. If you wish, Google that name to get a better understanding of the people yours truly looks up to. There's a big difference...
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