It seems the Lions have a small problem going on with some of their players getting caught with weed recently. Should this be a concern? Maybe. Linebacker Bobby Carpenter, a versatile and valuable member of the team, recently left to join the New England Patriots. Perhaps he's squeaky clean and had a second hand smoke issue. Who knows?
But there's a better way. Get rid of head coach Jim Schwartz. He's never won anything anyway. Replace him with Ricky Williams as a player/head coach, for the best of several worlds. The Lions need help at the running back position, and talk about commitment, besides being a pretty good back, Williams was once so committed to his smoke, he quit the league to enjoy it. Put him in charge and let the whole team smoke dope. No worries about Roger Goodell and his NFL drug policies. Fed-Ex him an ounce of Hawaiian, and watch him mellow out in a hurry.
Pass out joints at the turnstiles of Ford Field to every entering fan, and make bong usage mandatory in the press box for every reporter. Their columns could get very entertaining -- and that would be a good thing, if everybody would get on the stone train.
Even better, it would be helpful to the economy. Can you imagine the sales at the concession stands?
The Lions probably still won't get to the Super Bowl, but nobody in Detroit would care. The days of contract hold-outs for a couple more million would be over. Give them a brick from Maui and they'd sign for the minimum. Ticket prices would go down, which means the average fan could not only attend more games, but bring their own dope, which would cut down on the overhead costs for the Lions. It's a win-win-win.
Concussion symptoms? Who's going to know the difference -- or even care? Another problem solved.
If it had been this way before, Ndahmukong Suh would have never stomped that Green Bay Packer. He might have curled up next to him and said, "I think we're supposed to win, but down deep, I've always loved you, my brother. Got major pizza going on at my place later. Get your guys together and come on over". Hey, it would have beat getting suspended and crashing cars.
According to some, there's way too much rage going on. We need to be more civilized and always show kindness and respect to our fellow human beings, even during historically brutal athletic contests.
But then they always make a big deal about how important winning is. I wish they'd make up their minds.
Ricky Williams would be a good start to level the playing field for all.
If that were to happen, what could be better than having muted a Lions TV broadcast -- and using Cheech and Chongs' "Big Bamboo" for the audio play-by-play? Perfect.
I'm getting hungry already just thinking about it.....
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