Saturday, May 4, 2013

Sex ran amok in the NBA

Well OK. The Chicago Bulls defeated the Brooklyn Nets in Game 7 of their playoff series. That wasn't supposed to happen. The Bulls hadn't won a Game 7 on the road in forever. Plus they were missing 3 key players.

First and foremost was superstar guard and former league MVP Derrick Rose, who appears to be on some kind of mission to set the all-time world record for milking a sick leave. Though he was medically cleared to play weeks ago, Derrick doesn't feel like it just yet. Also forward Kirk Hinrich, who was out with a calf injury. On top of that, big man Luol Deng was out with complications from a spinal tap.

Wait a minute. Spinal tap? Dang. Deng went into labor? I didn't even know he was pregnant. Just a few days ago, he didn't "show" at all. I guess congratulations are in order and here's hoping the baby is OK and all, but who knew?

Yours truly kind of figured Jason Collins' "coming out" would change a lot of things, but this sexual freedom stuff is getting out of control if men start popping out babies. Then again, once Deng tightens back up a little bit and returns to the basketball floor, maybe he can get Rose as a nanny for the newly born mini-Dengster. It's not like Rose has anything else to do these days. But between them, if breast feeding somehow comes into the picture, I don't want to know about it.

Regardless, the Chicago Bulls next face the daunting task of taking on the reigning world champion Miami Heat. Lebron and Co. are well-rested, have everybody healthy and, last time I looked, none of them were pregnant. Plus the Heat will enjoy home court advantage.

Look for this to be a quick series. Yeah, I remember. The Bulls stopped Miami's winning streak a while back. But the only way this isn't a sweep is if secret orders come down from on high in South Beach to let the Bulls win one game in Chicago, so Miami gets another (cha-ching) home date in Game 5.

It's really not even a close call. The Bulls might not get knocked-up -- but they'll get knocked around like red-headed step-children of yore, and more importantly on the scoreboard.

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