More gimmicks and rants

Every once in a great while, yours truly takes the liberty of writing a post that has very little to do with sports. Though I suspect he's considered it, the boss has yet to throw me in the dungeon for these occasional indiscretions. Besides, most editors have a whole flock of lunatics running around and spouting off to keep track of. Maybe he'll even miss this one. I hope.
(In case he doesn't -- hey boss -- these are things your humble servant noticed while channel-surfing between various sports contests looking for future material, so technically I'm legal. Sort of.)

The dumb commercials and gimmicks never cease to amaze me.

Starbucks CEO Howard Schulz, in the interest of bringing people together -- given the current ridiculous political gridlock going on in DC, has announced his stores, all 5 trillion of them or so, will offer a free coffee to any customer that buys yet another customer one of his brews. Note to Howie. This is nothing new. It's long been referred to as "buy one - get one". CVS mails out a 10-12 page booklet advertising the same thing on everything from vitamins and shampoo, to batteries and ice cream that comes with the Sunday paper every week. If you really want to do something noteworthy in the interest of the public -- stop gouging the suckers for such a ridiculous profit margin on a product that amounts to no more than fancy coffee. Yes, they are many, but c'mon. In the interest of fair play -- lighten up.

Speaking of the shutdown -- the only opinion I will offer is.... I think it's a very good thing -- for the critters. Consider Yellowstone National Park, currently closed. Methinks the buffalo have roamed and the deer and antelopes have played just fine for eons before we humans arrived on site to screw it up. What with our constant photo flashes going off in their eyes, trompsing around in their neighborhood, setting fires, and throwing litter every which way -- if I'm a Yellowstone critter, this whole shutdown thing that resulted in humans not being allowed in our living spaces starts to look pretty good. We never DID want them. Note to Congress and the President -- take your time. Things are great around here.

So who holds the all-time record for most TV hours logged? Not sure, but my guess would be Regis Philbin.

Yet others seem to be desperately trying to catch up.

Take William Shatner, the original Captain Kirk himself. Besides his 3-year (1966-1968) run on Star Trek, throw in T.J. Hooker, and various supporting actor roles on a few other series', and Mr. Bill has logged some serious TV time himself. But he must know he's still shy of Philbin's record. How do I know this? Because the dude's 82 years old, and no TV series is interested in an octogenarian. Still, he needs a few more hours to catch up to that pesky Notre Dame guy with the funny hair. So what's he doing now? The only thing left available. Dumb commercials for a credit card.

And speaking of "Capital" offenses, what is it with Alec Baldwin? Evidently, he's addicted to cameras too. Sure, he's played some memorable roles in the past. Amongst others, AB was terrific in The Hunt For Red October -- one of my favorite movies. Beetlejuice, anyone? But fast forward a bit and Baldwin was on a dopey TV sitcom. 30 Rock my butt. He was 48 when he joined the show and 53 when he left. Who's kidding who? Now he's fallen all the way to doing ads for the same credit card company as Captain Kirk? Oh my. They keep wanting to know what's in our wallets, while padding theirs.

And how much is enough for these guys anyway? They're already multi-millionaires. Can't they retire to some exotic place they've never been to before, like, say, the seventh planet from our sun, and leave us alone? Maybe my ex would even consider accompanying them on such a noble mission. Trust me -- if and when the going got tough, nobody knows more about exploring Uranus then she does. Ahem.

This just in. According to Sports Illustrated, some strip club in New York has decided to stop televising NY Giants games. The "dancers" say it's just too painful.

Yeah? Obviously they haven't been watching much TV. They don't have a clue what pain REALLY is. Lock them in a room with a huge flat screen that shows nothing but a 24/7 continuous loop of Regis, William, and Alec for a few days -- and those girls would know what true agony is all about.

Back to sports next time, Boss. Honest. How 'bout dem Tigers?