The NLCS. Go St. Louis

So the St. Louis Cardinals finally beat the LA Dodgers in Game 1 of the NLCS. Good. Let's get one thing straight right off the bat. I hate Los Angeles. Been there, done that enough times, and if I never make it back to glitzville -- that's fine and dandy too. Who needs it?

On the other hand, St. Louis is a blue-collar working person's kind of town. They treat you right. Here's a few more differences....

St. Louis offers the prancing Clydesdales of Budweiser, the self-appointed King of beers.
In LA, the once prancing self-appointed "showtime" Lakers aren't even kings of their own arena anymore. They've been "clipped".

Football? The former LA Rams moved to St. Louis a long time ago. Granted, the modern day Rams aren't exactly world-beaters, but LA can't even seem to GET another team. It's bad enough that the late Al Davis took his team to LA for a while, then decided to move them back to Oakland. Been to Oakland? It ain't pretty, to say the least. But in the mean time, billionaire owners would rather locate woebegone NFL expansion franchises in remote outposts like Charlotte and Jacksonville instead of a major market like LA? Definitely not a good sign.

In LA, one can hop on tour buses and go past the outrageously lavish homes of various celebrities. These are things you will never have. You will eventually go back home to your usual humble abode and drudgery. It's a sad thing.

In St. Louis, one can check out their famous "arch". When you get back home, you can visit the arches everyday. It's called McDonalds, and they feature happy meals.

In LA, the name Kobe seems to inspire reverance. All are supposed to pay homage to the "black mamba". Kobe this, Kobe that, it's always about Kobe. If Kobe burps, hiccups, or farts, somehow this is considered big news.

In St. Louis, things are a little different. There's a family there named Busch that has run a rather large beer operation for quite some time. This should not be confused with a couple recent Presidents called Bush, or even my ex. She could get a little hairy too once in a while, but I digress. Ahem. Nevertheless, burps, hiccups and farts are generally accepted as the norm if one partakes in enough of their fine products.

St. Louis has a "river running through it" called the Mississippi. Depending on Mother Nature, it's waters swell and recede from time to time. Either way, the Mississippi is quite a wide river that accomodates a lot of boat traffic. The great American author Mark Twain was fond of writing about certain adventures on this river.

LA has freeways running on it's outskirts. They are wide too. In places they can be 6-8 lanes -- BOTH ways -- but STILL can't accomodate the traffic. It's not at all unusual to get totally stopped in bumper to bumper traffic for as far as the eye can see. The great American author Stephen King wrote a lot of horror stories, mostly based in his home state of Maine. Had he ever visited LA during rush hour, yours truly suspects it might have resulted in his scariest novel/movie ever.

So OK. The Busch family sold the St. Louis Cardinals to a group of investors way back in 1996. Regardless, the Redbirds have continued to be contenders every year since, including this one. They have guys with names like Wainwright and Carpenter. Blue collar working folks.

On the other hand, LA has a rookie named Puig (pronounced Pweeg) that seems to think he's not only some sort of rock star, but his excrement doesn't give off any odors. I doubt even Joey Chestnut could eat a hot dog that big. Puig, Queeg, what's the difference? One's owned by a former basketball player named Magic, and the other was a captain that was so overbearing, it led to a mutiny on his own ship called the Caine. Unless Puig turns into a combination of Willie Mays and Ted Williams rather soon, if he keeps acting the way he has been -- there might just be another mutiny in the works. Even the rich, laid back bongheads in LA have their limits when it comes to one of their own not acting like the professional ballplayer he's supposed to be.

So yeah. Go Cardinals. Get rid of those pesky la-la guys from the west coast. No matter who comes out of the Detroit/Boston matchup -- when the World Series starts -- things will be a lot simpler for us viewing fans if a few time zones have been eliminated.